A
female
age
30-35,
*ubyandsparks
writes:Before Corona virus hit I had been on a few dates with a front line doctor. We’ve known each other very loosely for a few years. I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink back in February then we had a great three dates before this hit, including sex on the third. So obviously lock down happened. He said he can’t date anymore at the moment (understandably) but would like to stay in touch if I wanted to. So for the last few weeks we’ve spoken every few days via text. On his days off last week we spoke a lot via text including some real flirting/sexting...and now he’s back in work we’re sending kinda one text per day again. I’m finding the one text a day super boring because it feels more like checking in, but also I’m in lock down and I don't want to stop texting him incase it could be something more when this is over. I feel like he is (understandably) dictating the timescales at the mo. But it’s not moving forward at all and becuase he’s said he can’t date at the mo I’ve lost any say in how it progresses. That’s fine if he's playing fair. But I don’t know him well enough to know if he is playing fair with me or not, and I have no way of telling!It’s really hard to be so chilled about it when I’m in lockdown and it’s obviously not really on his mind becuase he’s frontline! and it may turn out that he’s just been texting me to have someone to text rather than being interested to see me in the long run and I don’t want to spend potentially months getting my hopes up. Any thoughts on how I manage the anxiety relating to this? I’ve never had to put my feelings ‘on hold’ before. In the past if someone wasn’t paying enough attention I’d just move on...but obviously this is different entirely and I’m struggling with pausing and seeing what happens on the future, while receiving a daily text!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2020): The doctor sounds like he has my personality - hates texting and finds it a chore, and is equally mad busy all day and so the thought of spending his free time on his phone is exhausting.
I think aswell that it was a mistake to have sex on date 3. I guess you know that though.
If you're really into him and want to wait it out, simply send him a 'hope you stay safe' txt and leave it at that. Then find something to occupy your time.
Can you work from home? Join online classes/gym sessions?
Do you have kids to occupy your time?
Maybe take up running (which seems to be popular in current times).
Either way, give him the breathing space he needs.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (29 April 2020):
 I think you have much more free time on your hands then he does plain and simple. He probably hits the ground running every day and rarely slows down until he hits the pillow at night to go to sleep. Please try to consider what he is going through, what he sees every day and what must go through his mind every minute. Respect him and give him space please. I'd say if he's still texting you that he obviously must think of you or he wouldn't even bother.
I'm married to a doctor and trust me, in times like this, their time isn't their own. Be that spark that he looks forward to every day if you care about him and wait things out. Who is to say what will happen in the coming weeks?
I would strongly advise that you keep yourself healthy happy and busy because plain and simple right now you are not his top priority. Sorry..just being honest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2020): You won't know anything and can't really judge the guy until this pandemic has passed.
A front-line doctor is on-call, sometimes even on a day off. You will have to grow used to his profession coming before you; because as a healer, he holds life and death in his hands. He will often be exhausted and mentally-drained; and that happens when he's doing his usual emergency-room schedule. I've worked in the medical-profession; and I know what it's like during an outbreak of flu, staph, infectious pneumonia, or treating victims of a highway pile-up, or worse. You can't even go to the bathroom!!! Shifts seem endless! Sleep? What's that? You have to clear your head of what you've witnessed, even though you are so tired you can barely stand-up!
You're lucky he takes the time and gives you a text a day; considering he has more important things pressing on his mind. I commend him for his dedication to helping and healing others; and at the same-time, he still has someone to reach-out to. Someone who can distract his mind from all the suffering he has to witness day after day. Try to be understanding.
My advice is to try and be appreciative of what he does. He is a hero forced to be a hero; not because he wants to be, because he has to be. You are somebody who takes the time to remind him he's still a man; not just a body in PE trying to keep people from dying. Pushed beyond the limits, and actually having to watch people die. If he hasn't seen one, he is one of the most fortunate in his profession. Many have seen several deaths in a single day!
You need and deserve attention. I think you feel a little put-off. because you've had sex. You're probably wondering if he's brushing you off like so many guys do after sex? Maybe, maybe not! You won't know until this crisis is somewhat brought under control; and if his schedule permits him to see you more often.
I would suggest you limit being intimate; because you will encourage guys to seek that, and nothing more. Sex is a very powerful and natural-urge; but love has to develop over-time. There has to be the kind of chemistry that goes beyond the physical. You actually need to be around each other; and there is an intellectual-attraction that goes beyond just a few chats or sexting.
If you want more from men you date; then stop hopping into bed with guys, and using sex as bait. You will get attention, if he is truly attracted to you. If you want more; allow them to get to know the inner-person, the part of you above your waist. Let him know more about you, besides the fact you have a playground below your neck!
Women think that if they don't put-out he'll lose interest. If he really and truly has affection for you, that will be proven not to be the case. He will stick around, and he will do everything he can to keep YOU interested. You chose a guy in a profession that you will find yourself working the relationship around his work-schedule. It's not his choice, it's his responsibility and his calling.
If you aren't capable of dealing with that; you're seeking the wrong guy, in the wrong profession.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2020): He is paying attention to saving lives at the moment, your common sense should tell you this. I would just go with what feels right and build up a good friendship while lock-down is on. In fairness to you as a health care worker myself, have you thought that when the lock-down lifts, will you be comfortable with intimate close contact with somebody who has probably worked with infected patients that day? This is something you need to consider in the near future things won't just resume as normal, you will need considerable stamina and patience to be with this front line worker who has his duty to do as a doctor in a global pandemic. Unfortunately relationships and romance are low on the agenda when we all doing our best to stay healthy and safe.
He asked you if you wanted to stay in touch and you have, but at the moment it's not really that you could go out on the razz and pull another guy is it?
Front line staff are busy saving lives and facing their own great anxieties please either be patient and respect his duty and understand this is not the time to be demanding emotionally or satisfying ones ego, either take this journey with him as his companion or say goodbye.
The sick and poorly come first now.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (28 April 2020):
Two things come to mind. Firstly, you are not in a real relationship after 3 dates and a sex session. You can't reasonably demand regular contact from someone who is essentially a casual date at best. Secondly, what is stopping you (either of you) from picking up the phone and chatting, instead of just texting?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2020):
 I would honestly keep sex and sexting out o the picture. Mostly because I think BOTH are things you do in a COMMITTED and ESTABLISHED relationship.
Checking in is better than ignoring you for days and then expecting you pick up the slack whenever HE feels like it. IMHO
However, I do understand that you probably would want more than one text a day. He might also GENUINELY work long and hard days. I would actually have WAY more respect for a doctor who is NOT glued to his/her phone while supposedly working.
You can't MOVE this forward but sheer force of will. Or by yourself. You can't SEE the future because you lack a crystal ball, OP.
So you will JUST have to pace yourself. One thing to consider, though... Not being a big texter might be part of who he is, lock-down or no lock-down.
Relax. Things won't get back to normal got a GOOD couple of months if not longer, so learning to BE patient is not a bad thing.
ITS NOT like you have a line of men you'd like to date waiting at your beck and call, right? And as times are RIGHT NOW, dating is not really realistic either, which means... PATIENCE.
He might NOT be a guy you end up dating seriously, that could even happen if things were normal. A GOOD relationship is NOT instantaneous. It grows over time. Jumping into be asap doesn't mean a guy will be a good fit.
You post comes off as a little desperate. I'm pretty sure you don't mean that but YOU are a GROWN ASS woman, you KNOW what's going on in the world. Give yourself a reality check here.
And don't jump the gun emotionally either. You are putting the cart before the horse. You WERE getting to know him and a FEW dates before the lock-down, so investing too much EMOTIONALLY is only going to hurt you if this doesn't work out. Slow you roll.
And remember, this too shall pass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2020): I think if a frontline doctor is remembering to send a text to you every day (!) when he is dealing with death, sadness, worry, exhaustion, then I think he is doing very well!
You on the other hand need to chill. Who knows if this will work out? I would say that he must like you. If he were only lukewarm about you, then he would not be getting in touch everyday under these covid circumstances.
But things cant be under your control at the moment and you need to learn patience. But as for your worry about him playing fair, I would say that he has no time or energy or wish at the moment other than to do what he can at the hospital. I should think he's all tuckered out when he finishes a shift, not quickly sending you a text and then rolling in the hay with someone else.
All you can do is wait for things to go back to normal and then see. But IMO I think he must like you or, in these very trying times for doctors, he wouldn't be bothering at all.
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