A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A week before the lockdown happened I went for a walk with a walking group. There was a guy there who I have known for a few years. He seemed a bit shy when we said hello on arrival. During the walk he asked if I was seeing anyone. I'm not sure why he asked if I was seeing anyone as he has never asked that before. Before he asked that we were not talking about dating.He has always been a kind and caring person. He was empathetic when he heard I had been going through some difficulties. We get on well and I am attracted to him. I don't know if I am reading too much into it. After the lockdown could it be worth just getting to know him properly within the walking group environment? I don't want to be pursuing a guy and prefer there to be no pressure.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2020): Didn’t you ask this same question, elaborated more, recently? You left out quite a lot of details in this. I’ve read both of your questions now. Do not carry on with this man! It’s not healthy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2020): Don't start developing feelings for people whom you haven't actually had the opportunity to determine if they are even romantically-interested in you. We get dozens upon dozens of posts from people projecting their feelings onto people whom they are infatuated; but have gotten nothing in-return; but mixed-signals and confusing cues. Dropping-hints and insinuation is nothing substantial enough to believe there is anything more than a slight interest or curiosity. He felt compelled to speak to you; because you focused your attention on him, with the anticipation he'd speak to you. In a group-situation, everybody has to eventually introduce themselves; and that starts with some sort of opener, or a verbal-cue to initiate a conversation. Your attraction to him will push that further then it should, if it has been a long-time sense a man showed you any attention or you haven't been on a date for ages. Slow your roll, sweetheart!
Shy-people will waste a lot of your valuable time. If you encounter them, and you're going to play shy too; then you're both going to be doing the third-grade crush-dance...and nothing and nobody goes anywhere, but around and around.
Loneliness, neediness, and low self-esteem will make us form attachments to the first person who shows us kindness and attention. It's a human need to be wanted and loved.
Many come here seeking affirmations from us here on DC that the object of there affections reciprocates the same feelings they have. Truth is, you shouldn't form feelings for a person until you know if those feelings are landing in the right place; or simply being poured into a bucket without a bottom. This guy asked you a question. He just wondered if you were single, considering you were in a walking group and there was no male-chaperone. It's an icebreaker, but not asking for a date. When people just peck at the surface, and never get to the point; the mature and healthy thing to do is be receptive and open. You can coax them along to make their point, or let them be on their way. You don't become flustered and enamored, or overcome with fantasies that this person is secretly crushing on you. He has offered you very little evidence to go-by. Just a few friendly words, while weeks or months pass and they never go beyond that.
Try not to let your emotions or your imagination runaway with you. He has had every opportunity to ask for a number, and show serious interest; but here you are coming to us for answers. He is the only one who can answer your questions. If you're that interested in him; maybe you should be the one to see how interested he really is by asking him. Here's a subtle way to go about it. "Say, why did you ask me if I was seeing anyone? That raises my curiosity. You don't ask a lady something that personal; unless you have something on your mind! It's not fair to leave us hanging." Now you've broken the ice, given him an opening, and he has to poop or get off the pot!
Reel in your feelings, and be more conservative. You don't know anything about the guy; so you don't know how much you like him...or why? You only know the surface, and he has not given you much of anything to indicate he wants to date you. Feelings have to be substantiated on the knowledge that these feelings are mutual between you and the other person. Getting full of emotion and fantasizing is okay for a teenage-girl; but a mature dignified-women should reserve her feelings, and expect men to behave like men. Boyish-shyness in a man in his 40's can be charming; but it should also put you on high alert. Fake-shyness is also how some guys get your guard down. He is no longer a boy, he has experience with dealing with people. When an opportunity is right-there waiting to be grasped; and he doesn't have the balls to take it, he's just wasting your time! You're being childishly-foolish to be so smitten with so little evidence to justify it.
Stay receptive. Coax him to get to the point, and wait for something solid to go-on.
Best of luck, sweetheart! Stay safe!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (28 April 2020):
 You don't really know a lot about this guy other than he seems like a nice person from your walking group.
I idea of a walking group is to generally meet new people and socialise while taking in the beautiful surroundings and staying healthy too.
I would not read to much into anything to be honest, he could have been just trying to make conversation.
After lockdown, and the next available walking group just get to know him and find out a little bit more about each other every time you go. Be lighthearted about the whole thing and have fun with it.
When someone asks where is a good place to get out and meet new people with similar interests, a walking group is normally one of the activities i would recommend.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2020):
 If you DON'T was to be pursuing him, then why not just keep (when the lock down is over) talking to him at the walking group?
Asking if someone is seeing anyone could be a "I don't know what to ask to keep the conversation going" kind of question, it could be curiosity and OF COURSE it could be out of interest - it's really impossible to tell.
Just like YOU don't know if HE has a GF at home.
Try not to get ahead of yourself here. Yes, you get on well and he is attractive, but... ONE personal question doesn't really mean a whole lot in the overall picture. People join walking/hiking groups to meet new people. Sometimes to make new friends other times, to not do the activity alone, and some to look for a partner who enjoys the same activity. Why you joined and why HE joined we don't know either.
I'd just go with the flow and try not to make a mountain out of ONE molehill question.
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