A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 42 and I've been in an intimate relationship with a 43 year old man for 3 months now. He lives an hour from me and I rarely see him. He only comes to me if I invite him for a reason, such as a firework display etc. I go to his place most weekends but he doesn't think it's a problem if we don't see each other for several weeks as he needs his space! I would like to be in a relationship where I might see him during the week a couple of times a month and at least one day/night at the weekend! He recently fobbed me off one day at the weekend saying he would phone but didn't.. he phoned in the evening to say his mate popped round to fix his computer and couldn't phone me to let me know if we were going to see each other that day! Apart from me brazenly popping up to spend an evening with him recently.. uninvited!! I called to check it was ok to visit first.. I wouldn't have seen him now for the past 3 or 4 weeks! He says we are friends but isn't overly affectionate towards me but apart from that he treats me well enough.. like a friend.. but I don't feel we see enough of each other to be more than friends! I'm struggling to see if this could progress into anything further! Should I just relax and let things be casual or call it a day and look for someone closer to home who can give me the attention and regular companionship I would like and need!!? Basically.. I know he's not cheating on me but I get upset that he doesn't seem to miss me enough to make an effort to pop round one evening just to see me! it would be nice to hear some opinions!! Thanks for reading! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, illbjustfine  +, writes (10 September 2009):
Hello: While reading your concern, I will say if you don't mind, that some men have an agenda. They will place some women in a place at their convenience and just deal with it when the situation arises (omg...a question that she wants to be with me more???? oh know!) You should not be a convenience for him. I was dating someone who called frequently but quietly kept our time together according to his schedule. I eventually discussed it with him (on where the relationship was going) in a very nice and adult way. He was tongue tied. If I meant something to him, he would have stepped up. I am glad I found out as the feeling of knowing is such a relief. Half of my stress was the constant questions I was asking myself and if I was crazy. If it is important for you, then ask him and make it clear what your needs are. Not physical...emotional and what you expect from a relationship if there is one. I hope my response is not agressive, but better to be clear than to have any man manipulate a relationship to his convenience. I am sure you are a great girl and deserve the best. Go out and get the best! Good luck :) From a Total Stranger :)
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 I think you already know/have your answer. Sometimes it is just difficult to accept what we feel is right! Best of lucks!
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