A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this girl online last year and she is just so amazing. I told her about 6 months ago that I loved her and she said she loved me too. We would message each other all day long and we really opened up and got so affectionate. It was really amazing, but then she started working and she wasnt online as much. We still chatted on the phone, but usually not that often. Its just been so hard though. It seems like we are falling farther apart and I dont know what to do. Its been 6 days and I havent even heard from her. It just seems like I am putting forth all the effort and its really hard. We planned to meet a couple times but it never worked out. She hasn't been as affectionate with me and I told her, but she says she just isnt a really affectionate girl, and I dont understand since she used to be. I just dont even know what to do anymore. I do love her, and I do want to be with her, but I dont even know what I mean to her sometimes. And I dont want to bring it up and push her away or make her feel bad. I would really appreciate some advice as to how I can reconnect with her and get things back to how they used to be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I agree with what the other anonymous reader said, about her not being interested enough.
Im confused though: what sort of relationship do you have with her? Are you even dating officially? Telling her you love her doesnt mean she considers you anything other then a good friend. Let her know your real intentions. Maybe she had the highpoint of her crush on you 6 months ago, and thats why she was more affectionate, and now it's cooler down. Also there's real life that take up too much of her time and she's letting it get to her and not prioritizing you.
Either case, dont settle for that. Work out an angreement with her on how often you should have contact. For example: she can write you an e-mail before she goes to bed every day. That shouldn't be asking too much, doesnt even have to be a long one, just a few words so you know how she is.
In a long distance relationship, having contact regularly is important! Also set up a time each week when you definitely will meet and talk and have plenty of time for each other (for example every Saturday for 2-3 hours). Then you have something to look forward too, something that will keep your mood up even if you dont get time to meet every day and talk.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): Hi, I'm going to give you advice as a woman who met her love of five years online: she's not interested enough. She MAY feel like she loves you, but, to tell you the truth, it is so much work maintaining this type of relationship (especially if it's long-distance, which it was in our case) unless you meet and decide to be really serious. Additionally, she may not feel comfortable continuing because of the slight stigma that online relationships sometimes have (especially to my parents' generation). My boyfriend and I had to go through a LOT for the first year and a half that we were together for many reasons, but the legitimacy of our love was questioned a lot because of its nature. We were both quite young (18 and 20) and it was an online relationship for a year and a half. I say, if she really felt like you were the one, she'd put more effort into it. You are young; keep moving. Travel. Study. Meet more people. Who knows; you may meet the real love of your life (the one who will love you AND reciprocate) in the process. Bon chance!
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