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I'm struggling to give this new girl a chance because of an ex-FWB....

Tagged as: Big Questions, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 August 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *91 writes:

Well I'm gonna cut a long story short...I kinda fell for a girl I was FWB with (I've posted questions about her before). We've since pretty much stopped speaking, I've tried to remain friends but she doesn't seem interested, so I took the hint and left it.

There's now a new girl on the scene, she's not my usual type which is unusual for me, she does seem a nice person, easy to speak to and very good looking. I asked her friend last week if she thought she may be interested in me, as I wanted to get to know her better.

We've been texting and seen each other (with other friends present) a few times this week and things are going well, she must be interested or it wouldn't have come this far.

The problem I'm having, is fully relaxing and letting myself go to take my shot with this new girl. I think I'm still hung up on the ex-fwb, it took me a while to get over her and I thought I had done it. But I've been thinking anout her a lot recently in a purely sexual way.

Now, a week or two ago she hadn't come into my head for quite some time, she's moved on and I've accepted that and I thought I had too.

I'm just struggling to give the new girl a proper chance, there's something stopping me from fully comitting my effort to her.

I guess I need some help and advice on this one...

Thanks for reading.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (3 September 2011):

N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

N91 agony auntThanks for the answer, I'm not saying that there was a chance of getting back with the FWB or anything, just I was really hung up on her, I know she's moved on as she's kinda dating some other dude, I just couldn't seem to get over her.

As for the new girl, we texted back and forth and hung out over the period of a couple of weeks, I told her that I liked her and what I thought of her, but she's going back to university within the next week or two so I said it might of been a little pointless telling her all of that, she agreed and told me that she doesn't have patience with guys anymore as she's been messed around a lot in the past.

We've still been texting as mates and stuff but it's not going to go anywhere, I'm glad I told her as it's out in the open and then the ball was in her court from then on.

Yeah, the fwb thing was stupid, not sure why it took so long for me to get over her as we weren't dating or anything, I'm happy enough to say I'm over her now though and every now and again still speak and occasionally hang out as she's one of my sister's best friends.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011):

Not going to lie, the ex clearly doesnt seem interested anymore. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but it could simply just be because the spark between you two has just gone. The longer you hold on to these feelings the harder it will be to move on.

I say jump in head first to a good time with the new girl. Have a little fun, im not talking full on relationship material, but give her a chance and you may see what you've been missing out on whilst mourning over your ex.

Enjoy yourself, for god sake. :)

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