A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys,This is kind of a personal question, and i wonder if anyone else has the same experiences or not.Since i was about twelve (five years ago) i have been rubbing my clitoris and believing that i have been making myself have an orgasm, but recently ive read things and seen documentaries and its made me believe that im not having an orgasm. Well this is what i believed was an orgasm, when id rub my clit my legs would tense up and start shaking all over the place, then id start to feel little flashes off a nice sensation before eventually id feel this really nice sensation that i cant really put into words( as it doesnt feel like anything else ive felt before) during this time my breathing would be increased and then after woulds i could feel almost a pulse of something contracting in my vagina, this would last around 7 seconds and then it wouldnt feel nice if i carried on rubbing myself, but around 2-3 mins later if i started rubbing myself again id beable to experience it again but much quicker and not as nice of sensation as the first time.On video's the women always seems to be screaming and looking as if she really enjoy herself, and someone commented on this website that an orgasm is amazing and breath taking, even though this feeling i get feels really nice i guess i keep thinking that everyone else is experiencing better.Oh if this helps, my boyfriend and i have been sexually active for one year, and hes the only partner ive been sexually active with. Hes never got me to orgasm, it feels nicer when he rubs my clitoris then when i do it, but i dont orgasm when he does it, and i cant even come close to orgasm just with sex alone.Do you aunts/uncles believe im having an orgasm?Im just getting a bit frustrated as im convicing myself that im one of the ten percent that cant orgasm, and now when i rub myself and ive got that on my mind i just cant relax and it doesnt feel that nice.Thanks for all your replys xx
View related questions:
clitoris, orgasm, vagina Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 It sounds like an orgasm to me, the telltale sign being the contractions followed by the "don't touch" feeling. DoubleM has given you a very good technique for your guy to try. The thing is that this should be fun. If you feel that you HAVE to have an orgasm and your mind starts to focus on that, rather than just stopping thinking and enjoying the sensations, it is going to take ages for you to reach climax.
Right, so you have to stop thinking so much. Quick, don't think of a white horse! Ah, well, it was worth a try. So my suggestion is to take the goal right off the table and instead focus on trying to find the most pleasurable sensations and feelings that he can give you (and vice versa, while you're at it). Give your guy DoubleM's very helpful directions, and just stop trying to have an orgasm. And do not beat yourself up, and do not allow him to make you feel guilty, for not reaching orgasm through intercourse alone. Look, your clitoris is analagous to his penis. What's the likelihood that he'd reach orgasm if his penis wasn't being stimulated? Virtually nil. So clitoris=little penis. Okay? Once you have that on board, everything else is a cake-walk.
Your other issue is just letting go. Part of the wonder of making love for a woman is just allowing herself to trust her partner wholly and stop worrying about how her thighs might look and if the boobs are big enough and are the body odors all okay and and and and... all those thoughts are the passion killers.
And let me just say then when you do reach an orgasm with him, my guess is it's going to be really good and will feel much more intense than the solo version.
The thing is, you already have had them. So you know you can. Now you just need to relax and explore a new path with a partner to orgasm.
P.S. Don't believe everything you see in porn. It's generally designed to sell to men, so it plays to what the purveyors believe men want to see. You might use it as inspiration, but don't use it as a literal how-to manual.
Good luck, have fun and do protect yourself from STIs by practicing safe sex. Worrying about getting pregnant is a HUGE passion-killer.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 February 2009):
 Indeed, I think you are having an orgasm, but there are different degrees of orgasm, and during your life, especially as you mature, your orgasms may greatly increase in intensity. For many, both men and women, it just gets better and better, but of course, that usually depends upon the skills of the partner.
It is not unusual that your boyfriend cannot bring you to orgasm, even when he is essentially doing the same thing. It may be at least somewhat mental on your part - either his presence, the urgency, fear of others hearing or discovering, whatever - but something may be raising your discomfort level just enough to prevent your peaking.
I'll offer one of my old man secrets, which you can call the combo. With your boyfriend, instruct him to begin massaging your vulva as usual in petting. Of course, this should be preceded with ample foreplay, including kissing, necking, hugging, breast massage, nipple sucking and all that stuff. When he finally begins to massage you below, he should first avoid your clitoris directly, instead focusing on stroking up and down your labia slowly and gently. Unless you have naturally become very wet, he should add abundant saliva or some lubrication to his fingers and your vulva.
After a few minutes with his fingers exploring you this way, and providing all the juices are flowing, he begins to part your labia and seek your vaginal opening.
First with one finger and soon with two, he inserts. If you are laying prone, his position should be on his knees to your side, next to your hips, with both his arms free to work his hands on you. When he has eventually inserted both middle fingers inside, his motions should include slight twisting with in-and-out movements as well. Your leg position, of course, should be open to allow access. Then he begins the G-spot rub, inserting both fingers as deep as he can and switching to side-to-side motions with his fingertips up toward your belly button. He should be able to feel a small raised area, like a bump on the front of your vaginal wall - that's your G-spot.
Often, the G-spot has a different texture than the smoothness of your vaginal wall, perhaps rougher feeling. When he finds it, he should alternate the side-to-side motions with gentle "come-hither" motions with his fingertips. It's like he is using his fingers motioning "Come here", except it is inside you. This should be feeling very pleasurable to you.
After some moments, and with the saliva-moistened or lubricated fingertips of his other hand, he then begins massaging your clitoris. Round-and-round, side-to-side, up-and-down, all while continuing the G-spot rub. You should direct him how fast, how hard, and what feels best to you. Let him keep doing all that for awhile and see what happens . . .
Never have I been with a woman who did not climax with this combo, usually repeatedly. There may be one out there somewhere, in which case I'd just have to add cunnilingus to the combo, which is recommended and fun anyway. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (4 February 2009):
i think you def have had orgasms. the women in alot of videos especially porn, are very dramatic when they "cum". it's not reality for most women. so ignore it. we dont all scream and shout with joy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Ya look that really sounds like an orgasm 2 me. Iv read that its differant for every girl. like some girls might feel little flushes and that and others might notice that down there will start to puls a bit...Its different for everone. What you describe sounds like an orgasm 2 me anyway! maybe your just not comfortable enough with your boyfriend.... show him how you like it done so he will learn and get better. thats all I can think of....
good luck:)
...............................
|
