A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex girlfriend split up 4, maybe even closer to 5 years ago. In the end, she got quite nasty and I ended up blocking her on Facebook.Fast forward a few years and I get a message request from a previously deactivated account of hers, she was wishing me a 'happy anniversary'. It look me some time to figure out that she was implying that would have been our 4th anniversary, as the date no longer holds any significance to me anymore. She then sends another message after saying how she has to block me before her girlfriend finds out we've been messaging because she'll 'freak out' (I did not respond to any of her messages). She then blocked me, done.Fast forward a little while later and I get a friend request from the same account. I click the request and it tells me her page doesn't exist. So from what I assume she unblocked me, requested me, then blocked me again? I see she's trying to get my attention, but in reality I just want her to leave me be. She keeps making herself crop up so I'm reminded of her. Does anyone have any idea how I should handle this? I actually get a bit scared when she crops up as she used to abuse me and it brings me flashbacks that I took a long time to move past. It took me a long time to find the courage to get out of the relationship, and now I've moved on she's resurfacing like she's aware of that.
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anniversary, ex girlfriend, facebook, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2018): The no-brainer solution is to ignore her contact. You're a big-boy, and an adult; so she can't make you do anything you don't want to, nor can she do anything to you.
She's fixated and somewhat scorned about how things ended. She has baited you in; so now you're asking how to handle it. Be concerned only if she makes a personal-appearance.
Exes all go-away; sooner, or later. It helps to ignore them. Social media has shrunken our world; but we still have the power to ignore those we don't want to deal with.
Blocking option is on all social media accounts. It's obvious she stalks and trolls your account; but you have a means to select your contacts and to block others.
I ignore everything on social media except updates from my family. I even endure the infinite flow of baby videos of my nephew's last-born child. He has nearly adult-children from a previous marriage; in-fact, he and his present wife both have kids from previous relationships. You'd think this kid is a social media phenomenon. I've seen the videos from ultra-sound to first-steps! You'd believe it was a first-child!!! I don't even bother to block or hide, I just scroll. Next! Out of sight out of mind.
Ignore her. Out of sight, out of mind.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Sorry, i meant to type, don't allow "her" to do this to you.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (19 April 2018):
I'm sorry, but i must be brutally honest here.
This solution is actually dirt easy, yet "you" choose to make it an issue.
Why do you even waste your time with such a person or such a situation?
Honestly, you have to ask yourself this question.
As i see it, you haven't let go of this woman completely.
Why do i say this?
Well, it's blatantly obvious.
If you had completely finished with this woman, you'd have blocked her from day one and you'd have never, ever unblocked her.
When a relationship is bad and isn't working, especially when the person you were with was so toxic, the best outcome for both of you, is to go separate ways and keep it that way.
Obviously you aren't in control of what "she" does, however, you are in full control of what "you" choose to do.
Block this woman and do not ever accept any friend requests from her again, nor do you have anything to do with her in any other form or shape.
"Unless" you still have secret interest in her, you are completely wasting your time and the more you continue to show, even one ounce of interest in her, guess what?
She will continue to hound you for all eternity.
It's time to put a final stop to this ridiculous behaviour on her part.
Don't fall into her trap, because this is exactly what she wants.
She knows how to play you and she appears to be getting away with it again and again.
Don't allow here to do this to you.
It's high time you took full control!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Block her, simple.
I never understand the whole cyber bullying/harassment issue. Press the block button and they’re gone.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 April 2018):
 I have to ask, why have you not blocked her yet? I believe you can change the privacy settings on your Facebook account so that only your friends can see your account.
You are obviously still traumatised by what she did to you. Did you get help at the time to get past what happened? Might it help if you did it now, if you didn't do it then?
You cannot control what others do. Your strength lies in how you react to it. Ignoring her messages so she doesn't know if you have even seen them if the best way to react. However, that does not stop the turmoil in your head every time she contacts you, which is why I would recommend you talk to someone about this.
Abusers have a way of getting inside their victims' heads. She is living inside yours, rent free. You need to evict her so you can move on with your life without her shadow over you all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2018): Block and report. Block and report. Rinse and repeat.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (19 April 2018):
 Next time she pops up on social media immediately block HER. This means she wont be able to contact you via that profile again. If you have a spare few hours you could also actively do a search across facebook for her, using a combination of names that might be her and blocking any you come across.
Search out her friends and any family you know of and book them for good measure just in case she gets them to look for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 April 2018):
 BLOCK her? why even click on her requests?
Don't accept request from people you don't know in person. That way you can NOW allow her back.
Unless she stalks you in person or harass you, YOU are in change on who gets access to you online.
It's been 4-5 years! Why still let her rattle around your skull?
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