A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend of a year have recently split up. We had an initial split up a couple of weeks back where he was speaking to another girl and went straight to her after we broke up. But then came running back to me within a week of this break up. We were fine but it didn't feel the same and he was convincing me that I could trust him again. We then had an argument the other night because I had invaded his privacy to find a picture of the girl he went to.. To see what she had over me.. But he found out and was upset with me. It escalated and I mentioned are we wasting our time here. But didn't mean it in th way it came across. We made up but the next day he was off with me and I didn't know why so I asked him what was up and he said nothing at first but it soon came clear that what I said about wasting our time was playing on his mind. It basically escalated and he came out with all these excuses like I rushed trying to get back with you, you seem to be making my decisions for me, and that I'm really controlling. But he knows and everybody else knows I've never been controlling. So he asked if we could have a break but still see other people but I want happy with the decision I tried to persuade him that he needed to give us time to get back to where we were as three weeks wasn't enough. But he seemed set on it but because he wanted this idea of us on a break but for him to see other people I just called it quits. But just because I called it didn't mean I wanted it... He was the one that wanted it so does that mean I broke up with him or vice versa?I stuck to my guns and haven't spoken to him since. But when I woke up today I had messages off him. Saying 'I'm not expecting a reply, but I wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for me over the past year. I hope you too will remember all the good times we have had together as that's what im going to do. I don't expect you to want to be my friend, I just hope you think about what you said about ignoring me. I know all of this is a bit late and I don't expect you to forgive me at all!... I'm sorry (name)... Goodbye.'So I was set back by this text as I had no clue what it meant. I haven't replied as I'm sticking to my guns but can anyone tell me what is meant by all of this text? If it helps he had is first exam today and he sent it straight after... So I feel he finished it and needed to speak to me about it but realised that I wasn't there and is seeking my attention...
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 It's his ego, not you! He wanted "a break" so he could keep using you as a yo-yo, but you called him out on it and broke it off clean, which you did the absolute right thing, and now his ego can't handle your rejection of him outright.
This line: "I don't expect you to want to be my friend, I just hope you think about what you said about ignoring me." is the kicker. You shut him out, and it's hard on his ego to accept that he can't have it both ways.
Do not waver! Make him dead to you, and ignore him. He mistreated you, and people who treat people like he treated you are NOT friends. Keeping an ex as a friend hinders your ability to find someone new. You think he didn't know that? If you give in and start texting him, he's keeping you exclusive, because like a little boy with his favorite toy, he may be playing with another toy, but he doesn't want anyone ELSE playing with you either.
What a jerk.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 May 2015):
 Are you surprised ? Did he not run straight to the other girl when you broke up the first time ?
And did he not run straight back to YOU after one week from breaking up with her ?...
That's is usual M.O . Maybe he is a superficial type who does not feel things very deeply, or maybe that's actually his way of coping after a break up- moving to the next girl REAL fast.
Either way, ... I don't want to be mean, just realistic- no, probably he is not suffering and wringing his hands a lot. I mean, you had already split up recently- and that because he was showing too much interest to another girl. That's two things ( breaking up, rather than fixing things- and getting TOO curious about nother girl ) which do not exactly spell out " great love " to me. So, if he misses you , he will be missing you ... to some extent, and less of how much you are missing him.
I think anyway you should focus on your own healing, and on feeling good again as a single, not on what HE is feeling now. He made his own bed, now he's got to lie in it, don't worry about him .
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2015):
 NO he was not seeking your attention or missing you... it's not about wanting you back... it's about him feeling like you broke up as friends.
let it go. if you ever run into him be polite and civil but accept that it's over as a bf/gf relationship and go your own way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. How can he already within a couple of days go back to this other girl who was on the scene during our last break up? Does he not hurt like I do? Or when will he hurt?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 May 2015):
That it's over- but he wants it to be over on a good note and no hard feelings.
It also means, as YouWish says, that he is a self centered loser. Sort of tryng to close the door without slamming it hard ... not because he is such a great guy who's so grateful to you, but because, if he manages to have it over without irking you too much, he can go have a look around and see what the markets offer, AND come back into your good graces ( and into your pants ) at a later date. In other words, he is tryng to get anyway that break that you denied him.
Stick to your guns, I think it's the right thing to do. Yes , maybe you should not have been snooping to find out your rival's pic- but that does not change the fact that he was fickle and uncommitted .
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 May 2015):
He is not boyfriend material. He is frightfully immature, not able to handle what being in a committed relationship means with all of this going back and forth.
You didn't need to violate his privacy if you wanted to see this girl. Public social media and the internet itself could have given you more than enough public info on her to the point of knowing her better than your ex did. But even more importantly, it's not HER that caused him to leave. It was his immaturity. Think about it - he rushed to her, then ran back to you, then wavered, then wanted a break, then is still trying to contact you after you called it off. None of his demeanor, right down to his calling you "controlling" (people overusing buzzwords to justify their immaturity should be made to drink toilet water) shows that if you waver one millimeter in your no contact resolve to make him forever dead to you, you will be burned again by him. Don't let loneliness or nostalgia rope you back in to this loser.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 May 2015):
 It basically meant what he said, and there is nothing more to be said by you or him. He shouldn't have run back to you after the break up. He was hesitant, because you did have good times and he's afraid of the unknown future. He also felt guilty about leaving you so he wanted to show you he still had feelings for you. It was a waste of time to get back together but he wished you would look back at this relationship with positive memories. By this text he hopes you would let go of him with no hard feelings. No need to feel bad about looking at the other girl's photos, and he shouldn't have blamed you for your insecurity as the problem. We all do crazy things in love. It's just not meant to be although he could be more sensitive about not going straight into another relationship.
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