A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have only dated my bf for a little over a year. He had previously dated the girl before me for 4 years. 4 months after we started dating we found out I was pregnant and 3 months into pregnancy I started having nightmares about his ex, that he was cheating on me, so I snooped through his email and found a secret folder of just her emails and found that he had been having friendly conversations besides the parts when he says he misses her and has been thinking about her. And he never said I was pregnant to her or anything about me... Anyway, I called him out on it and told him that I had snooped and asked if he was cheating on me and he said no, told me to search his computer and I wont find anything so I did and found hundreds of naked pictures of her on his computer that had the last day viewed on it, which had been viewed my birthday, christmas, new years, when I'd work late (while pregnant) etc. So we broke up but for my sons sake and for dylan to stop begging me to stay, I stayed with him. Now he refuses to take her off his facebook basically and it's been over a year. I actually emailed her and told her what he had done and how hurt I was and that it obviously wasn't her fault, that it was him. Now we live together and he stays out late, and I'm a stay at home mom of our five months son and he refused to get cable or internet so I just got it and looked on his computer and found all kinds of porn now that I've bought the internet for us. Here's the thing, I have never had a bf like this, one or two have been borderline jerks but I've broken up with people for a LOT less. I feel like I will be a bad mom if I leave him but then again he's not a good dad. He's very selfish and admitted to me that he doesn't hold our son on purpose. There's a million other things he does but my question is how do I remove myself from this guy? I know I would have no problem finding someone else, but I'm staying for my son right now out of guilt that he needs his father. Sometimes I remember what a friend told me, that anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy...
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (30 December 2009):
 Truthfully, you got pregnant by him before you got a chance to know him, so it's no surprise that you're seeing things about him that you don't like. I applaud you for trying to make this work, but you're not doing your son any favors by staying in a relationship that's not working. You not staying with him does not preclude him from being in his son's life; let go of the guilt and pull the plug on this relationship.
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