A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i just found out im pregnant, im 19 and not in the best economic position. ive not been with my boyfriend for long but its grown into a great relationship and feels like we've been together a very long time. We've really been getting along and already confessed that we love each other to pieces. I really dont wanna lose him but he really doesnt want the baby and i do so were torn. I wouldnt mind if he was grown up about it and told me he didnt want it but if i did he will support me and we can get through this but instead hes been quite nasty about it.. He was talking with his friend earlier about punching me in the stomach to see if i am pregnant (home tests have come back neg but i know i am and i know blood test tomorrows gonna confirm it) and dropping abortion pills in my drink and giving me loads of alcohol etc. it was said in a jokey way but really upset me. He's also talked about killing himself if i have the baby. The thing is, i didnt want a baby until its hit me in the face that im having one, and now my bodies changing i'm growing attatched too it. I know that its not gonna be easy but ive never taken the easy way out in life and its not the innocent babies fault that me and him were stupid enough not to take the right precautions. My boyfriend isnt generally nasty at all, hes a lovely man and i know i have something good with him. Just the things he was joking about earlier i'm starting to wonder about him... I know its a lot of responsibility but im 19 and im taking it on, hes 28 and hes really not. i dont wanna lose him and i dont want to bring this baby up alone without a father in its life but i just dont understand where hes at in his head to say these things. His friend btw is a total arsehole and my boyfriend (and everyone actually) does end up becoming an arsehole when hes around him. I'm gonna talk to him properly tomorrow after i have my results back and find out, but its really upset me and i dont know whether hes gonna run off and leave me with it. He said he wont do that, but you dont know with men!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Army wife i totally agree with you. children are better off raised with mommy if they have a stupid ass daddy. my kids are turning out find because there daddy decided that he got his diploma from the dime store. has a good job and want support his children. men are damn dogs all of them and you don't need him to raise your baby.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Start ensuring that you can become 'economically' secure, without him. Make plans. I guess what bothers me most, about your bf, is his 'choice' to make these hurtful comments about yours/his pregnancy. What kind of mindset and level of maturity even 'thinks' that way, let alone speaks it? I can certainly understand your concerns.
We are not talking about a immature 18 year old high school guy here...this guy is 28. So irregardless of his trashy friend's influence, if your bf was more giving, loving, more committed, mature and had the strength of character to accept 'real-life' responsibity, he would 've discussed this with you, in a respectful way. That's how adult people interact..they do not state such horrid things about the life and welfare of an innocent, lovely baby.
I am thinking...you may have a guy there that 'doesn't want to be a Dad'...plain and simple. That's the way I see it. If he he wanted this child, his reaction would be very different, wouldn't it? He would've been excited and took great joy in this news. And even if he wasn't excited..even if he felt surprised, fearful, relunctance--a lot of people can react like this when they've been first 'bowled over' with such life altering news. But, that's usually where the negative reactions end. After the news is out, most couples discuss, think and work together, to making the best decision's, an mutual agreed upon action plan on how they will deal, maturely, constructively with the pregnancy. I am sorry...but a man who loves/honors a woman, would never, say such horrid things to her about her and 'HIS' unborn child. .
I realize you say you and he haven't been together that long. Perhaps it's time for you to make plans for this child and yourself. Be preapred to take care of you and priorize this child. I have a sense, he's not going to be the guy who's going to go the distance here, unless he changes his attitudes and see the light in 8-9 short months.
So I am wondering if it's worth the stress and heartache putting up with his 'joking' disparaging attitude throughout the term of this pregnancy. This is the most crucial time for you to be the happiest, most stress free and healthy, physically and mentally. You don't need this BS. You need to be supported, loved, and cherished. Do you think, he'll get with the program and grow up? Do you see some positive growth? If you can't answer that with complete faith and trust in this guy, then the immediate changes or maturity are not forthcoming. You need to be healthy, you need to be glow and be happy. Put this baby first and I suggest you call on family and supportive friends. You may need them..soon. Be realistic for the sake of your child. If he's not ready to be Dad...then perhaps you better tell him to get with the program, fast or you may find yourself doing this on your own! I am sorry I don't have better advice, but I just want you to understand there are just some men who aren't meant to be Dad's. he may be one day, but not now. I think he's one of these people. Take care of you and that child...
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A
female
reader, danni12  +, writes (27 May 2009):
you need to do whats best for your self you have to remember that your making decisions for you and your baby
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 May 2009):
 I don't know what it is with men, either. I think there are kind of two types with pregnancy. Well, maybe more. There are those who behave as we would think normally - they are happy, they love you and the baby, they look after you, they are supportive. Then there are those who go all quiet and either worry or feel trapped but kind of go along with it anyhow. And THEN there is a small proportion of men who act like total idiots. The father of my baby was also devastated that I was pregnant. I should say that now he adores her (she is 1), but when I was pregnant, he was constantly talking about giving me an abortion, etc etc. Basically, sick. It is sick talk, and they shouldn't do it. Unfortunately they are just too big now for someone to tell them off and stop them behaving like that. That is the problem with being an 'adult' - even if you aren't, you still have the freedom to be an idiot, whereas when you're a child, your parents usually try to stop you behaving like that!
I feel really sorry for you, because I think you're right - he isn't very mature. Probably, though, if you can stick out the pregnancy, he will be much better when the baby is here. It sounds like he isn't half as sick as my baby's father, anyhow, so he's probablhy worth giving a chance! No guarantees, though. But I think he'll grow up.
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A
female
reader, Ashleyjoe +, writes (26 May 2009):
 I dont really know quite what to say in this situation...but when it comes to your baby, you need to think really good about who is more important to you your boyfriend..who is willin to hurt you by hittin you in the stomach,and hurtin his own child, or your kid. If you say your kid,than you need to do everything in your power to protect him/her from danger.
Best of luck.Children are all born innocent and beautiful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Another vent I think. There's not really a question.. so here's my opinion.
I admire that you realize that the precious child inside of you has had no control over when he/she has come to be. Just wait til you can feel all the movements.. feel when it has hisccups..
when it's developing it's organs and hair. The hair colour, eye colour and all that was determined at ovulation so your baby is set already. Then it really gets attaching. It's a great experience and i hope that you continue to be sensative toward the baby.
Just remember to do what's best for you and your child.
Those jokes he made were extrememely inappropriate and no at all funny.. he should have more respect for you than that.
The baby is better off being raised in a home wiht only it's mother than it is being raised with it's mother and immature father who really doesn't want it. He may just need to be a father from afar if he can't grow up a bit about this.
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