A
male
age
30-35,
*elpingHand7
writes:I'm losing all faith in relationships. My last girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend of 8 years. I've now been dating a girl for the last year and we've had our ups and downs like every relationship some of it to do with jealousy on both ends. She and her best friends were born and raised old testimont style meaning they grew up in church. When we first started to date she was cheating on her boyfriend at the time i didn't care about how wrong it was but now i worry that it could happen again. My worries increased when her best friend started cheating on the guy shes practically engaged too. I'm starting to think that relationships just cant work no matter how hard you try.P.S. My girlfriend and her friend are both 17, not sur if it makes a difference.
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best friend, cheated on me, engaged, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Hi there, Not to be insulting or anything, so take it with a grain of salt. You sound like you are as old as Moses, you are giving up on relationships. You are barely out of short pants. Now give me a break, what you have to do first is not date a cheater, that's your first mistake with your relationship. Remember if you would, if a person cheats to be with you, what do you think they will do, in a relationship with you, if they are attracted to someone other than you. They will usually act on their instincts. A cheater is a cheater, it should worry you. I don't know how long this relationship will last, but it is built on sand, in other words you started with a poor foundation. If there is a next time, with a new girl, please start out on the right foot, if they are with someone, let them break up first, and let a little time pass, before you jump in with both feet. There is so much life you have to live, the intricities of relationshis, the in's and out's in other words are so complex, you will learn so much as you go. Begin by being true to yourself, and don't be lead around by wanting to please friends, stand up for yourself and leave a situation, if it is not waht you want to do. Young people love to follow, as they want to be liked, don't put aside what you know is right, just to be popular, it's not worth it. Trust is a large part of relationships, and that is probably why you are starting to have your doubts about. Let time take it, and grow with each experience. You should learn something each day about human beings and human behavior. Leave the jealousy thing behind you. If someone cares for you, you have to have strong enough self-esteem that you will not be jealous. You are good, you are smart and you are a nice person, just a bit short on judgment to cheat with someone else's lady. I am also a believer in what goes around comes around...sometimes :o). So build your self-esteem, and try to have trust in your relationships, that means being open with your friend, and though it may make you vulnerable, you will grow, and you will learn what it takes to make a relationsip work. If you fall, be willing to take the fall and get back up again in a hurry, you are as good as anyone else. Love yourself and be you own best friend. Sorry to be so long winded, but I hope this helps you a little bit. Take care. Let me know how you are doing. Thanks
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Aw, come on, you're too young to be so jaded already! Look, you're 13-15 years old (assuming you gave the correct age). Relationships at this age are rarely last a lifetime and are usually more dramatic than relationships between older folks because those involved are growing up, learning who they are and experimenting, and aren't exactly "pros" at dating.
That said, just because someone has cheated before, doesn't mean they will do it again. I'm a reformed serial cheater, it took me a while to learn the value of monogamy and trust.
You need to stop looking outside of your relationship for indicators of your girlfriends behavior. Your current girlfriend is NOT your ex who cheated on you, and she is NOT her best friend who is cheating on her boyfriend. Some girls (and some guys) will cheat, some won't. Some will do it in some relationships and not in others. In general, if someone is happy with their current relationship they won't cheat. Focus on your bond, having a good time when you're together, those sorts of things are what keep relationships going. And if you eventually grow apart, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's a natural process. You need to stop worrying about what might go wrong and enjoy the moments you have together.
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A
female
reader, the ex wife +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I believe age plays a big role in relationships. They are 17 and life for them is a game. They are having fun and probably being supported by their parents. Relationships can work. Just have to find somebody that understands the same things in a relationships as you do. Compromise and trust is a big key in any relationship. Why don't you have some fun too. Be a good person, don't settle down just yet and remain descent. Keep your eyes open at all times for a good girl. It gets better as you grow older and the ladies get older too. Someday you will meet somebody is wants to settle down just as you do. If she's cheating or you're afraid she will, just break up w/her and continue on with your life. Be happy and don't dwell on it.
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A
female
reader, Kas077 +, writes (24 July 2008):
Yes, the age does make a difference, especially with maturity in a relationship. She and her friend are still young. It sounds like she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. I beleive when you are with someone you know if they are the one. You should have that feeling like no one else exists except for the two of you.
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