A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think I'm starting to hate my dad but I don't want to. Please help and give advice on how to not hate him! I don't remember much of my childhood but I do have flashbacks of terrible things happening to me and I remember a lot of physical abuse by the hands of my dad. After my family faced foreclosure because my dad lost his job, things got even worse. My dad would never let us have furniture (we had to sleep on the floor) and he would beat us if we talked to people outside of our immediate family. My dad also told us to lie to other people about our home life to conceal the abuse. My dad also wouldn't work for about 5 years after he lost his job and the time he wasn't abusing me and my sisters (only my older and younger, not the youngest) he would play video games for hours. My mom was too busy working to take notice of everything going on plus she was abused by my dad too. My older sister and I had to do all the cooking and cleaning. When I got the chance I moved away and my situation with my dad became a lot better. Now due to the economy I no longer have a job and I live with my parents again.My dad has also lost his job and now I'm starting to find myself constantly at odds with him. I thought that I had forgiven him for what happened in my past but I keep on getting into arguments with him. He gave me an empty apology for what he did in the past (i.e. I don't remember doing anything to u and I think you're lying but if I did anything I'm sorry.) and I thought that was enough but I find myself getting angry at him. I feel he's extremely narcissistic and he acts like he's the greatest person in the world. What's worse is that he acts like he's so nice when other people are around but when they leave he acts horrible again. I need help because I don't want to hate my dad and I realized that my feelings for my dad are affecting my relationships with men. Please help me. I know my dad won't go to counseling so I don't know what to do. Thanks.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 April 2010):
 You have to be realistic, you cannot change a person . You either have to accommodate him in your life or if that is impossible ,to extradite yourself from that place.
Do you have any alternative place to stay?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): I honestly think that the best thing to do is to get a job and move out. We all move out to avoid being controlled. Many of us have had bad experiences with our parents and many people spend their entire lives trying to change their parents in vain. They think "there's something wrong with my parents". Well that may be true with your dad, and he may be wrong 100% but under that roof, he is right. In fact things will only get better when no one is around him for his hate and evil to feed off.
I know the economy is tough atm but you'll just have to focus your energy on getting out, rather than trying to change your dad, coz that's not something that YOU can change.
Good luck
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