A
male
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anonymous
writes:I'm starting to give up on waiting for the right person to have sex with. I can't a girlfriend because I'm unattractive (my parents say thats not true but it is) all my friends are having sex and I'm theonly one who hasn't. I read a question on here and since it doesn't seem to be uncommon I think I might as well sleep with a prostitute (safely).
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): I've been a professional musician for a living since i was 15 years old, I'm now 26. From this unique position i'm in being an entertainer in a bar/lounge I was able to obverve thousands of woman and men being flirted with and picked up etc. I've learned so much about how attraction works that i wish i didn't know half things i do at this point because i've devoloped this info into such a perfect game that all the sincerity is gone from it and i can have anyhting i want because of this knowledge
The knowledge i speak of is so simple yet so complicated:
Confidence!
I've seen the hottest dudes int he bar get rejected from the hottest woman and i've also seen the ugliest, fat slob pick up the hottest girl in the bar. It's all about how you feel about yourself, it projects and woman have a sixth sense for this charactoristic...
Here's what will help you with your confidence level:
Instead of focusing ont he bad stuff in your life and the things about yourself that you don't like, focus on the strong things about yourself and your good features. you don't have them? BS Everyone does...Once you find a few things about yourself and your life that you do like, expliot them! do it in such an out of charactor way that you even start to laugh at yourself when practicing it in public. You'll get strange looks from friends or others etc. but I promise, if you laugh at yourself, everyone else will laugh WITH YOU and thus making you entertaining to them and interesting and eventualy getting you "some".
Don't show weakness or embarrasment. keep that "REAL" part of yourself for yourself only to be shared with others when they earn the in into your deeper self. Woman also are attracted to guys that seem to have something hidden, even if the guy doesn't have anything else the thought of this excites them and makes them want you...
Hopfully you never get to my point and look at them all like they're all cheap and indecent, I'd love to think that woman are princesses and not sexual with anyelse but me but that's not the way it is and I really wish that I could not feel the need for a woman in my life anymore because of it...
Good luck with my tips! It worked for me and got me out of a longgggg depression of feeling low about myself...
One last thing, when practicing these new tricks you're going to be rejected ALOT! it doesn't mean anything. Alot of girl go out just to have a good time with there girls and don't want to look like a whore or weak so they aviod men when they're in groups, i've had 90% of my success with one on one encounters. If i approach 10-15 random woman in a night I'm bound to get one of them into bed the same night or atleast a phone number with later promise. Point being, If you do this 3-5 nights/days a week you're going to have a freaking arsonal of numbers and booty calls in no time...
Don't give up! just keep at it, it's a learning proccess and you need to make mistakes to learn anything in life on your own...
What's the wrose that can happen if you embarrass yourself? Who really cares? if you move from one to the next you're bound to get one eventualy and this will make you feel much better about yourself and set you up for future girls than going to a prostitute could ever...
You're problem again is low self esteem and going to a prositute isn't going to help that, you'll still feel like the same ol loser when you leave...
You can only get better at things in life if you try and work hard at it and ANYTHING can be done...you're young, get this one out of the way NOW! Gain confidence playa!
I wish you a great and succesful life m8! try to have fun with it too, see it as a game or school project...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): "Should a VERY Single, VERY Lonely Man See a Prostitute?"I'd like to address the subject (in the title above, inspired by this thread), as a man who, believe it or not, has still with great difficulty maintained his virginity in his thirties, but who has also hired a female escort for fun and companionship - albeit infrequently. This was a way for me to have something to look forward to when I planned to see the lady, as well as to feel a little less "left out" of life when I did see her. It also allowed me to satisfy a wrestling fetish of mine - allowing an athletic woman to display her power to me, and, so as not to hurt her, to have her wrestle against me more than I would wrestle against her. For that, I have hired, albeit infrequently once again, a specialized female "session wrestler". I say that I hire these women infrequently because not only can they be expensive, but for me, sometimes one encounter is all I need to create a memory that I can savour for a year or years to come, without going back for more. As of this writing, I have in fact only hired a prostitute once, but only because she agreed to wrestle, and I've hired a session wrestler only twice. I also hired the prostitute because I was depressed at the time at having just turned thirty, and realizing that my twenties - the time in which people SHOULD enjoy young love - were gone. By contrast though, I had a good time in all of my encounters with hired women. In fact these were a few hours in which I have felt the most alive and free in my life! However, I did not in any of those occasions ejaculate. Even after all these years, I have held on to a hope that I can "save myself" for the right woman - a woman who can love me back as I lose both my virginity and heart to her. I do not want to tell a new lover that I lost my virginity to a woman that I paid to allow this to happen, even if I can justify it by saying that after so many years of sexual frustration, enough was enough, and I felt that I had to either take the edge off or, who knows, commit suicide in my most lonely and darkest of hours? But as of this writing, I've also realized with a great deal of depression that it could still be a very long wait until I find a real lover. I could die a virgin. There are no guarantees for finding love, or at least the loss of one's virginity to anyone OTHER than a prostitute. The guarantees that do exist on a virgin's life are bills to pay, pain to suffer, and work that needs doing - sometimes in service more of other people, and couples and families, than in service of the virgin.I'd feel better if I was a slightly richer and therefore more "presentable" man to attract a woman, and although I do make good money, an ex-friend screwed me out of so much money in a bad business venture that I am left with no car and a small crappy "bachelor pad" (named appropriately enough). Ironically however, this ex-friend helped to lose my obesity through personal training, and that obesity was also a hindrance to attracting dates. Before my obesity, I was a shy, skinny kid in high school. I got especially obese, and very busy, with both my post-secondary education and my career, as well as some work on the side in order to try to recoup my lost money. The libido I once had, and the excitement of noticing the girls in high school and assuming that life practically PROMISED young love to every one, is gone. Being left out of young love, or even the loss of one's virginity, amongst one's majority of peers is something I would not with on ANY kid. I've dated a little, but I've had few windows of time where I was in a good position to attract a date, and this has frankly made life seem quite meaningless to me at times. Still, I know that suicide is not the answer - not fair to those who love me, anyway. So, what to do?The answer I believe for me is to have another encounter to look forward to, and to try new things, even if they do not technically comprise the loss of my virginity. I have recently realized that in addition to play-wrestling, there are other "erotic things" that a virgin can do with another human being that does not technically comprise "sexual intercourse", which is basically sex involving some form of insertion involving the genitalia. I probably therefore could have accepted a "hand job" from a prostitute or even kisses (although not every escort will kiss you - it can be a more personal affair to some than even sex). In the past I had too much pride for these things however. I wanted to save myself for my first passionate kiss (yes, I've never had one of those either), and somehow paying for a hand job just seemed wrong. But now, after realizing just how fast the years are going by in which I'm getting older and being left out of the fun of life that most of my peers have enjoyed, I've had a change of heart. You have to start somewhere - much as in high school. They say you never have a love like your first, but not every first love lasts, and quite often it's really just about the first sexual or, as with making out, semi-sexual experiences. Some guys get their first girlfriend, it costs them time and, money, and either by the decision of the guy or the girl, they separate, and although the separation may be sad, one of both involved may have at least gained some experience, some confidence, and some nice memories to savour. How is this typically long lost love fundamentally different than dealing for a short time with a prostitute? Or, as I've recently heard it stated, a "GFE" or a "girl friend experience". I'd argue that it really is not so much different. You pay some money, you have a good time, and eventually all good things must come to an end. Depending on what you do, you might risk STD's, but are non-escorts so much different than escorts in this sex-obsessed, sexually promiscuous society? Hey, I may not have engaged in sex but I HAVE been to a few parties. I PROMISED myself as a younger man to NEVER forget what I saw going on around me - what I was being left out of. It was my motivation - my goal - to have my OWN fun, or party - even if it didn't happen right away. Depending on how you deal with the "relationship" you might have with an escort, as with any other relationship, you may or may not experience heartbreak when the experience ends. I won't judge a person for having lost their virginity to a prostitute if they were left out of what their peers were doing, or if, as happens in some cultures, their father took them at a young age to a prostitute to be deflowered. Some great and famous people have had that experience. Oliver Stone for some reason comes to my mind. For me personally, I'm glad that the option for the first time with a prostitute exists as an option, although I will try to avoid it because I know it likely won't be as satisfying as with a real first lover, and again, I don't want to risk losing my heart along with my virginity to a woman who won't love me back. I realize though that there is a risk of that happening with a NON-escort lover. In that case, who knows, maybe I WILL as a single man again see an escort for actual sex. Having that option will make me feel less like I should allow a new lover to simply wrap me around her finger and feel she's Robinson Crusoe with the virgin - if you know what I mean. I'm also glad that if I really want to avoid the depression of turning fourty as virgin, for instance, I have that option - but I still have a few years before that happens, in which I still hope to find a first and true love. One positive consolation for still being a virgin, besides avoiding STD's: when other people my age only WISH that their next sexual encounter can be as good as their first one, or their best one, mine, when I find a real lover, WILL be! So I really DO have something to look forward to. But if I die a virgin, then the only advantages to being a fragile biological entity rather than a robot that I know of - to be able to share sex and love - are lost to me. That concerns me. I feel like I've spent most of my life working very hard toward some unfulfilled promise of reward, and despite some of the consolations I've mentioned above, and the freedom to have a little fun as a single guy, I know that for the long run, this single life is a drag. You feel like you are in a world of fuckers, literally, who have left you out. You wonder why people judge what prostitutes and their clients do when those judgmental people are also "fuckers". I'm putting my trust in myself more than anyone else for my decisions as to how to handle my situation. No one else I know has saved themself for as long as I have. Others can not know quite what I've gone through, and what I'm going through. It's true I've read up on what a few counsellors have to say, and sometimes what they say is reassuring, but even those educated and sympathetic people do not know me really. I've heard for instance that maybe I haven't "let people in" to my life. Well I'd like to call a spade a spade. Even though I say "I'm saving myself" ... really what I mean is that I'm saving myself for someone who at least does not reject me! Then there are the religious types who have enjoyed sex perhaps since they were young, and who are married and feel that sex is a "sin" for anyone who has not yet been married including someone my age. As if they have more of a right to it. They hold very little water with me. I've already had enough things in my life challenge my confidence, which I've had to rebuild. This idea that there is a hell for sinners - one in which you get punished eternally rather than allowed to leave after reformatation. That never made sense to me. The only hell I believe in is the one I've already gone through. My belief is that humans are created for sex and a lack thereof, such as what I've experienced, is simply unhealthy. And until we make robotic love-bots so that no kid need graduate high school, or college for that matter, without having at least some semblance of a sexual experience with another being as most of his or her peers have had, I believe that society is going to have to accept the fact that like a doctor, in some cases, a prostitute may be a lifesaver, and that too many people are not giving others a chance to avoid being the "nice people who finished last". I am a nice guy, and I have been accused of being the "nice guy who finishes last". It's a heartbreaker to not have been able to introduce a girlfriend to the family. I've been tempted to pay a prostitute to do an acting job for me in that regard, although I have not. It's also a heartbreaker that I have to work so hard to hide my virginity from assholes who are quick to misjudge a virgin for being a "loser". Kudos instead I think should go to someone waiting for the right lover. Kudos perhaps even for not contributing to the overpopulation of the planet, or for waiting at least until you're financially secure. I'd rather some folks have had bought and had safe sex with a prostitute for their kicks than procreate children who grow to be more of a burden on my tax dollars than contributing members of society. Perhaps I'm more of an alpha male than I was prior to subscribing to more exercise and nutrition in order to attract women. Moreso than employing the services of a prostitute, it has given me confidence, and made me feel much less like a "loser". But there is a difference between being a firm but fair sensitive yet semi-alpha male, and an "alpha male asshole". If I want to go out with a woman and she, having not yet matured since high school, goes out instead with an alpha male asshole who mistreats her, and then says that I shocked her because she saw me with a prostitute, well then GOOD. It shows her that I AM a sexual being, and if she thought otherwise and rejected me for that, then she misjudged me. I could have invested to have a good time with her and even committed a LIFE to her, but instead I've invested to have good time with someone else. Her loss. And she has no right to judge. Neither does anyone else who hasn't really helped me with my situation. I haven't even mentioned yet that another problem that I have is that condoms and I do not get along - I have a small penis, or at least a "regressed penis" when it's not erect. But that does not mean there isn't hope for me. I haven't given up.So for anyone in a similar situation, or for anyone who has already lost their patience and hired a prostitute, I hope I've inspired the idea that you don't have to be left out of the fun of life even if you don't want to risk going all the way with a prostitute. Celebrate life instead, in SOME erotic fashion. That's what we were made to do. You might even try doing what I'm planning to do. It has to do with my wrestling fetish yet again (imagine the delicious scene of a nearly naked, sweat-slick healthy woman trying to wrestle you), but really, you don't have to have that fetish to enjoy what is in a sense a playful form of foreplay leading up to what may be, at least for you, a final climax if not actual penetrative sexual intercourse. Wear a condom or some protective cover, but also wear some latex briefs for extra protection (but realize that they are not COMPLETELY leakage resistant), and play a game of sensual "wrap wrestling" (a name I've made up), where pleasure rather than pain is the goal in literally trying to wrap up your escort partner's body with your own and trying to immobilize them and make them admit they are immobilized. Use massage holds to "weaken them". A sexy pin hold without an admission is also worth a point (not that winning the match is really the goal) may even lead to a form of "weakening" through masturbation. As with any hold, let your partner out of the pin if she gives up or admits she's immobilized. If she kisses you on the lips, pretend that those are weapons that work in her favour that weaken you and tell her they have that effect on you (if they do not actually work that way for you). Pretend that her bare breasts are powerful enough to "knock you out" in her bearhug, and then collapse and let her pin you, and let her masturbate you to a surrendering finish with her powerful hip-thrusts. If you don't want to cum in your shorts, let her masturbate you with her hands, or move it to the shower so it's less messy. It will be fun for her, not just you, if you let her have the confidence that what she's capable of doing is taking some away power from you. You may have decided to do "wrap wrestling" without the shorts on and incorporate sexual intercourse - wear a condom at least!. (It may even help, if you have a regressed penis like I do, to wear the condom as well as latex briefs that include a penis sheath). It's all up to both of you. Use your imagination! The mind is the true erogenous zone after all. And after all that's done, feel a little sorry for the majority of people who, unlike you, are having the same old boring, routine sex today.Sex and wrestling aside though, sometimes the greatest thing in the world, especially for a man who is not used to having a woman by his side (or a woman who is not used to having a man by is side), is to have such person to be with - to socialize with and physically cuddle with. To remind the brain what being with another person is like, instead of allowing it to forget that and embrace loneliness instead. To continue to be alone while staying out of other people's business - those who are not alone - almost like the child who is kept away from the parents' room, or away from the adult parties. Yet you are not a kid anymore. Visualize the faces of the people that might judge against you for hiring a prostitute, but then ask yourself if ANY of those people have helped, or can help you, in your situation. If not, then perhaps it's time to move on, and put a different, beautiful face in memory. It's your turn to be an adult, and have something that's YOUR business, and that of the person you are with, and not anyone else's. People who want to have a spouse and family, and get them - they've often sewn a few wild oats before they got there too. Why should you be left out of that?No one deserves to have been "left out".
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A
male
reader, scarfaces19 +, writes (29 October 2006):
heya i dont think u shud i thought i was unattrative and that and still do but my gf dont think i am and im not a virgin i was till this gf and im 17 just wait and find the right girl mate best way to do it. u dont want girls 2 think u cant get any1 but a prozzie so i wudnt do it m8.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): Yes. It's what I did, at the end of August this year. 19 years old, coming off a bad summer (mostly spent secluded and heartbroken), life in general not going well, and to top it all off, still hadn't gotten around to fucking anybody. And this is coming from a guy most would not expect to be a virgin (my friends included). I'm decent/moderately good looking, an athletic, star soccer player with a nice body, pretty smart, funny and confident in most situations. Unfortunately, a combination of a series of circumstantial misfortunes, the fact that I'm usually pretty reserved, and my fear of rejection (in that order) has left my sex/relationship life pretty bare. My friends, although well intentioned, could not really help me with this kind of thing, and women, as harsh as it may seem, at best just can't relate to the male condition/male sex drive, and at worst just don't give a shit how not getting any makes you feel. The majority of them (even those on the lower side of the beauty scale) simply don't live with this problem, as all any of them have to do to get some at any given time is ask. With all this in mind, I decided that it was in my mental health's best interest to get rid of my virginity in any way, at any cost. So I plopped down $200 and got it over with. Do I wish there had been a better way? Yes, of course. But unfortunately, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, as I had reached a point where my situation was literally driving me insane, to the point where I could see myself pursuing serious illegal activities/getting dangerous with people around me. It was all I could think about from the moment I woke up in the morning to the moment I fell asleep at night. Was the experience with the hooker particularly special/memorable? No. But I'll tell you one thing, losing my virginity felt like the weight of the world had come off my shoulders, like I'd just gotten rid of the greatest burden that had ever plagued me in my entire life. It may not be anything to brag about, but if I can promise you one thing, it's that for a little while, your mind will finally be at ease.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2006): obviously it's not the most ideal of things, you really should try to do it some other way first, but it is easy for people who lost it at 16 or something like that to say these things, they'll never know how it feels to have to wait so long...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): I can understand this, I was 22 or so for sex, and I feel bad about the years i missed, and the teenage girls i missed. it broke up a great relationship with a girl my age as I just couldn't do it, and ended up meeting a 17 year old girl from the net, and it's turned into one of the best few months, so far, of my life. I still feel bad about being a bit late, so I really think you should think about it and it may be a good idea.
I know what it's like, if your ugly or just shy with bad bad confidence problems like in my case, you may as well just prepare yourself for many sad years of regret like has happened to me, because it seems 99% of girls won't make a move on us, we have to do it on them (easier said than done eh), I wouldn't wish my sad feelings on anyone, because they last for the rest of your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): Anyway, with common morality aside, being special or not is really up to you. If you want to go to a prostitude for sex, who's going to stop you? If you need your twiggenberries jerked off, go right ahead. Whether it's for someone you love or not is something you can decide on your own - just like smoking - if you asked if you should take up smoking, we would all tell you why it's bad, and leave you to decide on that. From school, news, and other sources, you already know the obvious negatives. Now, it's time for you to decide.
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reader, MissMo +, writes (16 October 2006):
i have 25 year old friends who are virgins. They're waiting for the right person, and when they find him, it'll be special. My first time was with a virgin (he was 21), and i was really happy about it. I think your first time should be special. Don't go to a prostitute!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): i know how you feel i'm going on 20 and still a virgin and it feels pathetic doesn't it, i dont know about you but i've a friend who's been apparently secretly lusting after me ( i too thought no one could like me) and i'm often torn as to wether to "use" this friend to loose my virginity, but i doubt it would feel right if i eve tried and i'd just feel even more stupid. basically do you want to be a sado who has to pay ppl to sleep with them or just be an older virgin (honestly most girls , will find it endering, possibly a bit odd, but not off putting) so hold on god knows i am :)
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female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (16 October 2006):
 Hey,
Cliche first - beauty is more than skin deep. You may feel unattractive on the outside, but this isn't going to help you at all. You will inevtiably give off a vibe of a lack of confidence - people notice it, even if they can't put their finger on it.
Think of the more positive aspects of your personality and work on them. Walk down the street with your head held high, be confident about yourself - people will notice.
As for the sex, you don't say how old you are. I'm not sure a prostitue would see you if you were very young - I'm thinking under 21. I guess it depends on whether it's more important for you to get laid than the actual moment of sharing that first experience?? And only you can truly answer that.
Honestly the world is full of all sorts of people - some good looking and some not, girls AND boys. And on top of that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, someone out there is bound to think you're gorgeous!! Just don't make a rush decsion based on the way you're feeling right now.
Good luck,
Anon2907
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): NO!!! you're 1st time should be special! not with a prostitute! keep waiting and i'm sure the right person will come along soon. a girl will respect you more for not having sex with just anyone. i know u don't want to wait anymore but i seriously would. good luck!
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