A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need a bit of advice I've been with my first and only girlfriend now for almost three years which is great. but for a long while now our sex life has almost gone. In the last 18 months we have had sex less than around five times,we dont live together and spend 3 nights together a week due to other commitments, she never initiates or when I do she says she's tired.The 1st time we discussed this she said Im too pushy and she feels pressured so i relaxed a bit, nothing changed so i asked again last March, she said the same thing but also that shes slightly uncomfortable with the way she looks so I tried to help her with this. I haven't asked again but nothing has changed and im starting to feel attracted to other woman who have returned the interest and feel more of an urge to act towards these but do not want to leave my girlfriend, what shall I do?thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Hello,
I've got a very similar question (i've posted a question "...our sex life has dwindled to four times over the past year..." In other words, i feel your pain...
If you love her, and it sounds like you do, I would suggest not leaving her... (i agree the first person's comment - is sex the most important thing...?)
Well, no, sex isn't the most important thing (you and i have proved that by not breaking up with our partners even though sex doesn't happen very often.) Honestly, i think its a little bit absurd to think about leaving just because of that...
Someone suggested to me to explain to her in similar words to the above... in other words, tell her that sex is not the 'most' important thing, but it is important in making you feel loved, and making you believe that you're both still really "in to each other"
(you didn't mention in your post, i'm not sure what other things you've tried)
Otherwise, maybe approach it from her angle... Is there a reason she feels uncomfortable talking about...? something embarrassing like - sex hurts for her, she might have some other problem 'down there' or her view of sex might have been affected by something that she's seen, or been involved with...
I have found myself looking at other women too, i figure that its OK to look but not touch... Even though i sometimes feel stupid...
I'm probably not really that qualified to be answering this question, given that i'm only just repeating things that people have told me, but i hope that things work out for you... Let me know if you have any great ideas...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): You two need to get this sorted out. It sounds like your g/f is depressed and properly needs help. Just support her and I really do think you should ask her to get help, it's not a big thing, just so her confidence can be raised as it seems to be seriously knocked.
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (17 September 2007):
 Well basically it depends on is the sex more important then love to you but it seems like you have been GREAT boyfriend so far.Your girlfriend should appreciate what you've done for her so far and how patient you were.It's normal that you have your needs and she should understand this.Try talking to her about it again and explain that you waited long enough.Honestly,you are 18-21 old and it's the time of your life you should have fun,go out,get drunk etc and not be in a long relationship without sex.Then again people are different and so are their needs.All I can say is that I wouldn't blame even my brother if he would be in situation like that and cheated or dump her.Just maybe it's time for you to move on.
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