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female
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*rokenhearted
writes: Before I start sorry for such a long mail. i'd really appreciate loads of advice as I just need someone to tell me it'll work out!!My bf of 3yrs and I recently broke up. Was quite a weird 3 months, i broke up with him as I felt he wasn't spending enough time with me which upset me, got back together, he broke up with me as he had exams and needed to study.I kept ringing and ringing over these 3 wks even though he had specifically asked for no contact. We meet up after exams and got back together. He broke it up with me then said I really annoyed him by my constant pestering during his exams when I knew he needed time and that i had pushed him away and he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. that lasted a week, we got back together. Things were going very well but then he got drunk and kissed a girl at his work party, he told me 2 days later and we broke up, his idea - he said I'd never trust him again! Anyway we continued talking, we are very close and best friends and very open and honest with each other, I did have a few hissy fits were I hurled abuse at him and said the most god-awful things to him but then I'd calm down and we'd have a normal convo! I'm over my craziness now, finally and he called over yesterday to say hi and to see how i was doing. We got on great, chatted for ages and it was really really really nice and open and comfortable but then we kissed which again was really nice and sweet and weird cause we were both kinda wondering if we should or shuldn't and this went on for a while before we did kiss, it was really lovely. But then we ended up having sex, again one of those should we or shouldn't we things but again was lovely! Anyway after all this he apologised for screwing with my head, he said his head was all confused so he can imagine how mine is! I was actually ok as I had really not gotten over him but finally concluded that although I love him dearly I could never be with someone who wasn't sure whether they were in love with me or not! And I know that these things are just habit to him.Anyway he says he loves me and still cares about me and would do anything for me but that he just doesn't know if he's in love with me. I understand how I've let him down and I understand that all my ringing and ringing and ringing would drive anyone away but thats done now, I can't go back in time! He did really love me once, really really really did! Does anyone think it will happen again? Do I just leave him alone? He seems interested in this girl from work and he's says shes really nice but what do I do if he starts dating her? What happens to our friendship then? Should I just let him go? Knock off all contact? And if I do do I answer his calls?
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (13 December 2005):
 The whole thing sounds like it was really disfunctional from the start. If I were you I would definitely cut all ties with this guy, it really sounds like he is more than willing to take whatever he can get from you but not give anything back. By that I mean continuing a sexual relationship and then telling you he just doesn't know if he is in love with you. In the end the stronger your feelings for him the more important it is that you get out now, to avoid future heart ache.
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