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female
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writes: Okay, this is not really a relationship question, well it is affecting our relationship, but I am worried about my partner. This is quite a long question but I believe it is a very serious issue.My partner is 24 years old and is the youngest in his garage where he works. He got the job as an MOT Assistant through an Adult English College Course and has been working there for just over a year.He has told me that he doesn't really seem to get on with the other 'lads' there, sometimes they are fine with him but most of the time they 'bully' him.He is always rowing with one of them who has recently passed his mechanic course over silly things, for example this guy went up to my partner and whipped oil on his face so my partner did it back, then this other guy had a real big go at him for it. He is constantly getting called names, partly because he is ginger and often getting called stupid, etc for just asking normal questions. One thing which I find awful was when my partner came home one day and told me that one of them had jumped on his back, and all the others were laughing, so my partner asked why they were laughing then one of them told him that the guy who had jumped on his back had put a lit cigarette into his pocket, when my partner checked the cigarette had burnt a hole in his pocket and had fallen through to the floor (luckily) but he also noticed that his £30 LED torch had gone missing after that incident and has still not been found.I have been into his workplace twice and on both occasions my partner has come home and told me that all the others were asking him why I was with him!He has tried looking for other jobs but as he has no qualifications no where seems to want to take him on. To do a mechanics course would cost him £1,500 and money is really tight at the moment hence the reason why he hasn't walked out, he is trying his hardest to look after me and I am also working full time. He is a really nice guy and wouldn't hurt a fly, I think that is partly the reason why he has been targeted!He couldn't even talk to his employer there as he sees everything and lets it happen. He can't change jobs, he can't talk to anyone and we can't do without the money, I really don't now what to do for him, he won't except he is being bullied, he tells me thats what lads are like and its like that in every garage but I don't believe it!He comes home in a foul mood every night and moans in the mornings about going to work and I think he is getting depressed over it, please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for your bf to be enduring this treatment at his workplace. There are laws against stuff like this. He has two options...he can fight it through legal means or he can leave this toxic environment.
Adult bullies, tend to be insecure people with non-existent social skills and little empathy. They turn this insecurity outwards, finding satisfaction in their ability to attack and diminish the people around them. Bullies use intimidation as a need to control others. If he decides to fight this, then he must begin the long process of keeping a daily journal of events, times and who was involved.
Remember, workers who are bullies, tend to drain the company. They poison the working environment by causing others to have low morale, fear, anger, and depression. The employer pays for this in lost efficiency, absenteeism, high staff turnover, severance packages and law suits. In extreme cases, a violent incident may be the tragic outcome and this is a huge concern of mine. Your bf already has been physically abused..how much further is this going to go? Not only that, you and your bf's personal life being affected and you are suffering the results of his daily stress. Relationships do suffer and are destroyed under the pressure of the target's anxiety and anger.
Moreover, in many cases, a country's health care system ends up repairing the damage: visits to the doctor for symptoms of stress, prescriptions for antidepressants, and long term counseling or psychiatric care. In this sense, everyone pays because of a few jerks at work who get their kicks out of abusing others. Not fair is it?
Please check out this website for more support: http://www.banbullyingatwork.com/main.asp?id=bullied
It may help your bf to gain some knowledge and support into helping to make his workplace a better place, not just for himself but for others as well. I am sorry for what you and your bf are enduring. Tell him to be cautious at work and he needs start formulating a plan to put an end to all this. Do some research about what he can and cannot do. It's your choice. Remember, he does have the 'right' to work at earning a living..without constant abuse and harrassment. Stay strong-Take care and I wish you both the best of luck.
Hugs, Irish
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