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anonymous
writes: I'm gay,and afraid my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me with guys and girls! It's been nearly 5 months since my boyfriend dumped me and I'm finding it very difficult to overcome my despair and paranoia. There had been a couple of things that happened during our relationship that made me think he was cheating-he had excuses for these of course - and I tried to beleive him but ultimatly I couldn't get over it and he broke up with me because we were fighting a lot. I couldn't stop obsessing that he was having sex with other people, but not just guys, girls as well. He's a very good looking guy and women look at him on the street and sometimes they even swap phone numbers,he also goes out to straight clubs a lot with his very straight male friends and tells me that women give him their phone numbers and compliment him all the time-I confront him with my thoughts and he says they just want to be friends with him but I find it hard to beleive they dont want to have sex with him.His phone used to ring all the time from different girls calling. Now we are friends but I'm still in love with him and can't stop obsessing that he's having sex with girls and it really kills me to think about it - I know he's been with guys after we broke up but that doesn't seem to bother me so much. He says he's gay and doesn't like girls and that I'm insane and stupid to think it. Maybe he's right,I hope he is. I really dont want to lose him as a friend because of this, might I be right? Or how can I stop thinking this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2005): Oh, how I totally feel your pain! The reason my ex and I broke up was because I became this insecure, jealous and highly suspicious person constantly convinced he was hiding things (ie cheating on me) from me. I never had any concrete evidence, but caught him lying to me about getting tested for STDs; he even forged documents; so there was a lack of trust there. My friends all told me that even if he cheated, he probably still loved me in his own strange screwed up world, but clearly did not respect me, or himself enough to break it off first, or put a stop to it. The second thing they told me is that he may not have EVER cheated on me, but the fact that I could not trust him, even though I love(d) him, was a HUGE red flag that we were not meant to be together in a loving, respectful, committed relationship. I say, follow your gut, even if you say you might be over-reacting or overly paranoid, b/c whether or not he is/isnt cheating IS actually NOT the point here. Hope that helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2005): I know how hard it is, but do try not to be obsessed about who he is or isnt sleeping with. It will only make your emotional well being dependent upon what he's doing, and that's really bad. I'd suggest- as a way to try to stop thinking about it- trying to meet someone new, even just a friend, to show yourself that you can have thoughts that dont revolve around him.You never know, he might feel some reciprocal jealousy!
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