A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid :my life is like hell . i am from a very respectful family "Muslim family" working in a respectful job as an engineer,the problem is that I am gay and I have known it long time ago... but as per my religion and traditions as a middle eastern that is totally forbidden and prohibited. I am fine with that and I have decided long time ago that I will stay like this for ever no sex no relation ships no nothing just living my days and trying to pretend around every one around me that I am straight and that I am not getting into any serious relationship because I have a problem in commitments and soo...I convinced my self that there was nothing I can do and that living like this is my destiny , specially that I am not going to disobey the regulations of my religion . then he came a new guy in work who was soo kind and supportive to me , so as stupid as it might seems I got in love with him , he is married and str8 and he considers me a close friend , but I cant stand it anymore ,,, what have I done to deserve living like this ,,, no one to share ur life with , falling in love with people that u cant even tell them that u love them ,trying all the time to pretend that ur str8 because u cant afford them to know about this ,, (( this is the middle east )) and above all that I really miss this person I am in love with , we became close friends that he started telling me about his problems with his girlfriend and I am solving them to him , he even asks me to come with him if he will buy her a gift because he knows that I have a good taste when it comes to such things , can u imagine being in a position like this ????don't tell to get out of the closet because I will remind u that I am a Muslim so this against my religion and will bring allot of shame to my family and to myself, can u believe that I am now 29 and that I never had sex in my life... i am only pretending infront of my friends that i am sleeping with half of the ladies who are living in this city just to be sure that they will never dought why i am not getting married till now though my family is rich and i have a decent job.i am so tired of living with this curse plz helpI am dieing slowly everyday
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middle eastern, muslim Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): I feel so sorry for you. I have no idea what it feels like being left out and hiding in the closet but what I can tell you is that I what it feels like to be different and hide it from everybody. If you do exaclty what I suggust I can asure you that you will be cured. Read the coran. It talks about somebody named Jesus Christ. The coran aslo sais that if you want to know who He is, find a Christian and ask him about it. Do it and the truth of that will set you free. I have a Muslim friend who did just that and he is leads a very happy life.
A
male
reader, cherie38  +, writes (18 January 2009):
ok hope im not being offensive here! but it is 2009 get your parents told and start living your life the way you want to! your nearly 30 for gods sake! get a spine and tell the world! you are the only person who is making yourself unhappy!
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A
female
reader, kanja  +, writes (3 January 2009):
Knowone should have to choose between there own hapiness and another's.It may seem impossible but you must follow your heart in these matters.I would certainly not tell you family and freinds about this,atleast not at this point.There are little changes that can be made(over time)to improve your quality of life.I'm going to recite an old folk tale,because I beleive there is real value in it for you.The story goes that when the making of matches became pupular among people,an old women finally found an awnser to a question that had been bothering her for along while.She had found that with all her grandchildren,each one would live a relatively quiet life up an till one day when suddenly everything would change as though a match had been struck inside them(they had found there reason to survive)She herself had felt this.She decided that everyone was born with an unstuck match inside them,just waiting to burst into flame.And that only the persons true love in life could light it.the lighter could be a newborne baby or a lover it didnt matter.Once the flames had torn through the persons body,they would stay aglow for the remainder of there lives.My point in telling you this, that each one of your family members has the right to live there lives as they choose and so do you.You have to search into yourself and decide whether you are going to have your destiny written in your own hand or that of another.every journey has its battles,you have to move in silence,but with force.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): If you are so well off then leave your country and pursue a life in another country away from your family where you can truly be yourself with bringing shame to your family. You may have decided to suppress youself but look at how well that is working!
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A
male
reader, pinkey1981  +, writes (2 January 2009):
If your a man of great faith, which i beleive you are, your doing the right thing. I beleive that god puts trials in our lives and its up to us to overcome the natural odds of us failing these trials. God will only put on you what you can handle and then its up to you to overcome. Put your faith in God and he will help you through this. Its ok to accept who you are, but homosexuality doesnt have to run your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): i wish i could tell you that i know exactly how you feel about being gay and having it be a secret, but unfortunately i cant. but i can sympathize about the issues that you are going through because of being a muslim. i am a muslim too from a good, respected family, so i understand the pressure that you feel to live up to certain standards. its like your whole life is planned from infancy, and you have to maintain a certain standing or else the whole town will get involved and people will keep talking forever. i wish i knew what to tell you to make you feel better, all i can say is that i know how you feel to a certain extent because in our culture most of us feel like we have to live up to a specific image and often times it hinders us from being ourselves.
i know coming out is not an option for you, especially living in the middle east, but im told that there is a large gay community in certain parts (especially lebanon and egypt). its just all pretty underground, im sure if you do some research you might find someone who you can talk to about what youre going through. if you are holding yourself back from doing anything because you truly believe in islam and not just because you want to protect the family honor, then why not talk to a sheikh? they are bound to secrecy and might be able to help shed light on things through a religious percpective if thats what youre looking for.
dont be so hard on yourself. you are not cursed, you will make it through this. pray to allah to help you find peace within yourself. He never gives us a load he knows we cant carry. even when everything seems hopeless, you have to have faith that Allah is watching over you and will help you if you reach out to him. you seem like a very good person with a good heart. dont let our sometimes backwards society ruin your life, find your own way through.
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