A
male
age
30-35,
*avethegamer
writes:Ok I've got this computer till after Christmas. I am 19 not a manwhore (3 partners) and have been in a relationship with a long time friend of 12 years for 1 year and we have a daughter which is now 6 months. My mother died when I was 15 and it was to cancer, my house was a hospice for her, and I had a breakdown. It took me till I was 18 to somewhat get over it and I've been severely depressed, suicidal, and maybe bi-polar, my GF knows about all that. I'm a high school dropout, have a hard time meeting new people and being in large crowds, and bad jealousy especially towards other men. My GF is deciding to leave me because I'm against medication, except marijuana, but am going to get help in the mental department again for my 4th time, maybe might admit myself. I don't help her much with the baby because I'm so down all the time, and we argue a lot. She simply said she doesn't want to be in a relationship so she can focus on herself and the baby as well as her college. I have plans to become a tractor trailer driver as my career, and she said that I should focus on me as well, which I can understand. I can't picture living without her and my daughter, or seeing my lover share our intimate/goodtimes with another partner when the day arises and because of that I don't want to have anything to do with my current ex-GF or daughter. I know the neglecting my daugter thing is harsh but I cant see some other person being a stepfather to my kid and not having the bond I could with her if her mother and I were together. She also says she just wants to be friends...wtf I don't just do friends, and with a child I expect things to be permanent. And I'm all screwed up because of this big time because I get very attached and dependent. That's my dilemma in a nutshell I can help with any unclear parts but I hope the questions and responses are hasty because I'm not going to have a computer after christmas day. plz guys I'm new to this and need help b4 things really can't get glued back together.
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a break, christmas, depressed, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Davethegamer +, writes (25 December 2009):
Davethegamer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits hard for me to quit marijuana but i know its not physically addicting, it just always helps instead of upping my zoloft and abilify doses, im hoping i can get cymbalta if i go the counselor and meds way otherwise I tough this break up BS, and missing my daughter, and just wait for the breakdown to come and admit my self in the hospital, as for my suicide its just a feeling of wanting to die but i know from my self control as of now i wont be committing it. i just dont know what to say to her considering her decision it KILLS me inside and i dwell so much on it thus im here.
A
male
reader, Davethegamer +, writes (24 December 2009):
Davethegamer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI intend on getting help of course, its just she says she may not want to get back with me period. So when i go through with help in hopes of her talking me back in the end of my "help" and get denied, im gonna get into a slump again medicated or not, and the marijuana helps more than the meds, and yes ive detoxed multiple times, and i guess you can say relapsed lol but weed isnt at all like any other drugs we know about, she isnt bothered by this either. I'd surely like to be in my daughters life, but what about her growing up confused when she has a new daddy in the house every other month and sees me maybe every other week for 1 day. she and I have talked about the kids custody and it works for both of us. I'm thinkin maybe im a Sociopath or i think thats what it is, the inability to love, trust, and a whole list of things with that. i don't know anything else to type because all this fighting over here is almost finalized and i hope to reply to you guys once more after this b4 she takes her computer back. Merry X-Mas and ty for ur advice
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): "I'm against medication, except marijuana"
Just some advice, I felt the best in my life when I quit smoking...
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A
male
reader, romance_boy18  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 first off, you seriously need to pull yourself together! if you really want to be with the mother of your child then you need to get this help she recommends. i know it must've been hard losing your mother but you also wouldn't want to put a burden like that on your own daughter would you? (you mentioned being suicidal) life can seriously be unfair but time goes on and we have to keep moving forward with a positive state of mind if we expect what we truly want out of life. hope i helped
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 December 2009):
So you know you've got problems, but refuse to take medical help for it.
You sit and get stoned and do nothing around the house. You make her miserable with your jealousy and you don't like her enough to want to be her friend?
You're also blackmailing her saying that if she's not with you, you'll abandon your baby.
Seriously? You seriously want to know why she's leaving?
It's really really too late for you to stop her going and I'm really not sure why she stayed so long. BUT! If you get off your arse, get off the drugs, get down to the doctors and get your mental health sorted out then she MIGHT take you back.
Do not cut contact with her and be a father to your child.
I know how depression works, and how selfish it makes you, but you need to wake up and realise this is NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Lovesux31 +, writes (24 December 2009):
 Okay dude, ummm I didn't have anything happen to me with my mother and I didn't have to see anyone suffer with cancer in my life, thank god. I thought my life was bad and I though my life sucked and guess what, I met someone who had it way worst than me.. this I met girl continually got raped as a child by her own father and growing up men abuse the hell out of her and all kinds of negative things have happened to her.. And people in other countries have it way worst, I mean can you imagine having to sell your child in order to be able to keep the rest of your children alive?? I mean nothing makes it right, but some people have a way harsher life than Americans do.
I have to appreciate my life and situation just that much more.. we all have problems, but most the time you can find someone in a worst situation, not that it makes life any better, but you may be able to appreciate what you have.
About the girlfriend thing, you can't force someone to be with you! I tried it, and he was miserable... and well who wants to make someone elses life miserable? That is where selfishness kicks in! Maybe you should work on yourself first... if your not happy in life how can you make anyone else happy? I love my kids to death and I can't see being away from them, yet if my psych is so messed up that I contimplate suicide hmmmm I'm going to stop and seriously think about removing myself from being a negative impact on the people in my life.. I have to first work on me, because how can you love someone else and you don't even love yourself?? You are a role model for your child and if they constantly see you miserable, or their mom miserable, they are going to be miserable right along with you.. My advice is to continue not to let anyone into your heart, that is until you let yourself into your heart and love yourself first.. Once your right with yourself, everything else will follow suit. Maybe just Maybe if your ex girl begins to see you as a person who is strong willed and not playing the "poor me" role, she might be more apt to come back! Even if she doesn't come back, on to the next... and the next will appreciate the new improved YOU!!!
In the mean time, while your working on yourself, you still need to get the baby the essentials.... and spend time with your baby.. once you become a parent life is no longer about you, its about that baby! I know it sounds a little redundent to say put your child first when I just said put yourself first right.. to clarify I'm meaning you won't be able to put your child first unless you have yourself in the right state of mind, but once you are... make it all about your baby.. count your blessings.. You had to suffer seeing your mother die of cancer, why make your child suffer seeing you go through life depressed and down??
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (24 December 2009):
 Marijuana and Mental Illness do not go well together.
If you seriously want to work on yourself and your future relationships then giving up the wacky tobaccy would be the first step.
...or you could just go on ahead dismissing known medicine and therefore potential health, whilst taking a substance known to contribute to such conditions.
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A
female
reader, lovemyboo16 +, writes (24 December 2009):
your young. the girl who has a kid is thinking about her kid. plain and simple. its not that your not the one or good enough, i dont know, but that she is just plain thinking about her kid. think about it, if u had a kid, being young, dating is just not easy. its easier to take care of u kid and date when ur older. think about it. u have plenty of time. ur young. if u really wanna stay in their lives, then keep in touch. SIMPLE as that. its up to her though, in the end.
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