A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know this man loves me his friends tell me. They say he really loves you but you should move on. What does that mean. I know he is afraid of trusting when in a relationship. He says he loves me in many ways but why doesnt he just say he loves me as friend? Is he just afraid. I love him like crazy and I know he feels the same but he is tough and stubborn.. It is very hard for him to give but yet he does a little with me and maybe it is me who is too tough. I really love him but I think because I do I become jealous.Maybe he is insecure with me. I am so sick of guessing I just love him and he loves me. What is his f ing problem. Trust is tough for me, I guess because of how I feel or maybe he is just a jerk. Help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 March 2009):
 It sounds like you're banging your head against a wall. Him being the wall. The thing that intrigues me is that his friends have told you to move on. If they are his close friends, then they know something you don't. Either they know his past, which is a huge mess and thus a predictor of future failure; or they know his current thinking or status, and whatever that is, it sounds like you're not part of the long-term game plan. Them telling you to move on is a very big indication that you're wasting your time wanting him to want you back in the same way.
You didn't give any specific incidents or much detail. How did you meet, how old is he, does he have exes, children? Is he a good guy? How are you two involved? There's a huge lack of information, so you're going to get very generic advice here.
Okay, back to what you've written. I'm listing the "good" traits you mentioned about him: he really loves you, he gives a little with you.
Now the "bad" traits: he's afraid of trusting, he's tough, he's stubborn. Is he insecure, what is his f'ing problem, is he just a jerk. So many negative questions here.
Look, in my experience, guys put their best foot forward when in a new relationship. If this is his best foot, this man has got some nasty smelly shoes. Also in my experience, they do not improve. They may maintain status quo, but very few are "cured" or "curable" of crappy, bad behavior. If he's in your age bracket, eek.
You become jealous of what behavior? What's he doing? Sorry, there's so little to go on here, but from what you've written, I think you should take his friends' advice and move on. Put him in your album of fascinating but flawed men, then get yourself back out there. Giving your heart to this guy sounds like a bad bet. Good luck!
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