A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help - I'm so preoccupied with my partner being attracted to others. Not attracted as in finding someone else pretty or goodlooking, that is fine. But what I am most scared about is the possibility of him crushing on someone. That would make me die inside.Even though I know he loves me and is a honest and loyal man, I am still so scared of him meeting or seeing someone at work on a regular basis and being consumed with thoughts of her and not me, day and night - even if he never acts on it.I just cannot stand the thoughts that he may be (without me knowing) thinking, longing for another woman to be in his arms.I accept he will look + find someone attractive to look at but I would die if I thought he was thinking a lot about one other woman.How can I stop thinking this way?? Its making me so stressed
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female
reader, JDinCali  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 You need to let go of your past pains. Talk to your man and be open and honest with each other. Try to see if you can pin-point where all these negative thoughts are coming from, so you can start resolving your trust issues.
Everyone has been hurt, yet we all deal with it differently, but it's not fair to assume the worst. Make it a point not to think about bad things and focus on what is happening.
If you find yourself in a disagreement then that's fine, you're both entitled to your opinions. Focus on the good things which make you two compatible. The more you talk it out, the more this will resolve in time.
A
female
reader, blueclover +, writes (17 February 2011):
Do you fear abandonment? Have you been abandon by someone important in the past? Does he do things to make you feel this way like ogling or are your instincts telling you not to trust him? There are many things that can bring out these feelings, one of which is observing his behavior and the other is finding the root of yours. Sounds like a consult with a therapist might be helpful to help you manage this. If you really love him this much and your relationship is healthy, then you probably shouldn't worry too much. If he senses you don't trust him and he isn't doing anything to warrant that, you may push him away. If he does something to make you not trust him, ask him questions. Healthy relationships grow from trust and wilt from lust. I wish you the best, hang in there.
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