A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to begin with this really, or even if it's going to turn out as a question.. But I think I'm really doing my own head in here, and it's horrible! I'm engaged and have a baby on the way, me and my man have got our own house, the relationship couldn't be better, except from one thing.. I am SO paranoid that he's going to cheat on me, and I can't understand why I've always felt so insecure about it, as far as I'm aware I have never been cheated on. I can't stand the skets that he has on his facebook, they're the main thing I think.. One time not long ago some old flame of his came knocking around ours drunk out of her face and kept saying she really needs sex, it's almost like she was hoping that i weren't in.. He decided to escort her to the taxi office to get her home, and the cheeky cow tried it on with him, he did reject her though, I know that much for definate as he was on facebook on my phone and didn't log out, so I had a sneaky peak at his messages, not the greatest things to do but i had to put my mind at rest knowing he probably would've had another conversation with her on there.. But now this other bird is sniffing around, he knew her from years ago and she randomly called him up, the thing that's getting me there is that she hailed him out on her status, and when she did she changed her pro pic to a pic of her boobs! Like that's not something to be concerned about?! And i know this is super bad again but I hacked into his fb, looked at the messages and there was one from her saying 'remember that massage i gave you..' and a reply from my man saying 'ten years later you're still the biggest c**k tease'?!! I can't say anything to him though cos I shouldn't have hacked him, but now this is driving me crazy! I can't be dealing with stress, I don't want it to affect my baby,.. But I don't know what the hell to do?? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses guys, they've all been somewhat helpful! Apart from the 'path to a train wreck' bit, I don't think that one bit and I am very much a realist and if I thought that for one second I wouldn't be having a child with him.
Last night, well, in the early hours I decided to half confront him, I dropped a lot of hints to gauge his reaction.. I put on a front as if though nothing was bothering me, whereas i'd been funny with him on and off all day.. And i said 'am I your little c**k tease?' 'I bet you love a c**k tease, don't you?' and practically used the said phrase in as many sentences as I could! I'm usually brilliant at reading people, especially him, we're the type of couple who can say what the other is thinking and finish each others sentences, we're really in tune like that.. But I got nothing! Which has quite baffled me really.. A little while after that I said that I've had enough of facebook, it's ruining me, changing who I am, and all because the skets he talks to on there, he said like who? So I said who.. He then said that the first bird took him off her friends list, I was like 'one down.. One to go..' and he then said, oh you're not still on about whats her face,.. I then went on to talk about how she hailed him out on her status, and immediately changed her pro pic to her boobs as if though it was just for him.. And I know I'm right there, I'm a woman, I know what they're like! He then went on to say she's an essex girl, what do you expect? And that she's some old slag.. Lovely.. I think i gathered that much? And that's what's worrying me!
Apparently they're just old friends, she's 'a laugh' and nothings ever happened between them so I have nothing to worry about..
Yeah, cos him saying that, and I quote, 'she's some old slag' is going to make me feel so much better about the situation?
I know he can't lie to me though, he caves.. He's told me things he hasn't told anyone before about whats happened to him in his life... But I'm not too sure about this one.
I know I've had mixed feelings on this, but I think I'll keep tabs on his facebook for a little while and see what happens..
Apologese for the essay btw! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): He knows you knew about the girl that came to the door...use that example, and just sit him down and say "look, that incident is bothering me, and I want to be clear that I do not want you carrying on with any past flames. If they come around, out of respect for me, ignore them or tell them you're engaged with a child on the way". Dont mention the FB thing. But keep your eyes open. In this case, I dont think it is wrong to hack his FB account. You have a lot on the line here, and if he is cavorting with past loves, you deserve to know about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Keep an eye on him, but don't let him know. And NO you did nothing wrong by looking at his Facebook. He shouldn't have anything to hide anyway. Couples are supposed to be able comfortably give each other Facebook passwords, unless they're trying to hide something. Any other policy is not enough transparency in a committed relationship.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (12 September 2010):
You know what he had no right even making a comment back to her and one like that to boot. no i would be pissed and woudln't care if he knew i hacked into his fb, but what i don't care about you may? but you plan on moving in together and you have a baby on the way well he needs to act like it. always trust your gut instinct. he could have ignored her reply! or said im happily with someone! and soon to be a daddy now that would be a real man, and one you could spend your life with who puts you and only you first. that wouldn't be exceptable or tolerated by me.
good luck sounds like your on a path to a train wreck i would rethink my life and now that you have a baby on the way. good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): This is a bad situation. For starters, u shouldn't have snooped around into his facebook account. He has every right to get hopping mad at you about that. Whatever you do, dont ever tell him you did that. That way, no matter how wrong he is, he'l always be able to turn the tables on you, and you would not have anything to say.
What you can do is, and i dunno if its even possible coz its complicated, but here goes. Do you have an account of your own? Upload some pics of yours in YOUR album and tell him later that you changed your password, and you've forgotten what it is, you tried too many wrong attempts and your account been disabled for a while, so you cant see the pics for yourself, and you wud like to see if there are any comments or something, through his account. When he logs onto his account, casually flip through his friends, and when you come to this busty slut, very casually just ask him about her. See what he says. She sounds like a past lover to me. Tell him, that you dont like it when he talks to these women, and thats justified...no one wud like their partner to still talk to old flames. Tell him it bothers you a lot, and you wud feel a lot better if he didn't. Even if he laughs it off, make it clear that with the baby on the way, you wud rather not have any of these silly distractions to deal with. I'm sure there is nothing to it, but once you talk it out with him, you'l feel a lot better.
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A
female
reader, fallenangel95 +, writes (12 September 2010):
...Ok well first I think you should tell that one woman to leave your man alone, and to never talk to him again! If she doen't want to tell her to bad! I think you need to talk to your man about your fears. Your afraid of hsving a baby with him and then him leaving you for another woman, once he's sex with her. Am I right? I think you should talk to him and tell him that you did look at his message, even though you knew it was wrong, you were scared. I mean its not the worst thing in the world...and i think your fears are normal, your not paranoid. Good luck! I don't know if i'm gonna be much help i'm only 15! But good luck, best of wishes!!
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A
female
reader, jodieleigh  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 tell him you stumbled upon it. he didnt turn off his fb page and there it was. make sure you dont say sorry for looking. and tell him to ring up the bird and put her on loudspeaker and make him tell her about you and the baby and nver to contact him again and get him to delete her
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