A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:to get straight to the point- i get too carried away about girls on the 1st date that im left gutted when they dont want a second.I work in a very male dominated industry and all my friends are couples. i have lots of interests and am always busy but finding a girl to ask out in almost impossible. so when i do find someone and pluck up the courage and she says yes to a date, i get so carried away. i tell myself not to but i cant help picturing us together and how nice it could be.the dates often go well or it seems they do. but hen when i see if they want a 2nd date, its either a no or a no reply! Im just looking for advice on how i can stop getting so carried away, even before the first date and whn im on the date, thinking 'wow this girl is amazing', so that i get gutted and depressed when it doesn't go anywhere. its so hard to find people who i might want to date, thats the main problem. iv been single for about 3 years now and its so tough. im not into going to clubs. i go to bars with friends but as i say their couples and i never meet any new people. i cant move away cos of work.how can i stop getting so into a girl before and during the 1st date that i get so depressed when i dont hear from them, even after i ask if they want another date?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): I can relate to this, cause I'm single too and it makes me jealous seeing all my friends with their partners. I too have this whole love-fantasy thing, but I accept it as an expression of my longing for love in general and try not to make it obvious to the person in front of me. Also, it has helped me to hear other people's stories of dating, and I realised that most dates don't end in second or third dates. Statistically only 1 in 10 dates is a real success. So, my advice is: just have more dates and lower your expectations. Instead of wanting to find true love or something like that, set yourself a goal like, today, I will be an attentive listener for my date. Or: today, I won't fumble around with my hands so nervously. Try to really notice the person in front of you and learn something out of each date. Take it as a lesson in meeting people, a lesson about women, about you. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Stop pinning all your hopes on your dates. Dont see every date as a potential long term thing, just treat it as a date. It doesnt necessarily have to turn into something romantic, you might just end up finding a really good friend in the girl. Just dont put too much pressure on yourself.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 Well your on the right track, you now know it's your over willingness that turns them away....
I know it's hard but you HAVE to put the whole I need someone in my life to the back of your mind, or it will be a vicious circle. Instead of going to bars with your friends who are couples, why dont you join a gym, or do some studying in a libuary? and instead of asking them out on a date straight away, get talking to them first, get to know eachother, even if its tugging your heart to want to be with someone. I know it's an old saying but you WILL find the right girl when you least expect it. Many women today fear that commitment more than men, because they want careers not babys and housework and being tied down. So when a man comes on so strong they think one of two things
1- he is well keen, he must be trying to get into my knickers
2- he is desperate and clingy,I can see wedding bells and babys in his eyes.
both of them scenarios are a major put off.
However if your confident, relaxed and not to keen just playing it cool, she will want to know more about you, hence would love a second date. Dont be too laid back that you could be laying down though lol, just enough to intruige :)
hope this helps x
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