A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I hate my life. Im single, Im 27 and a mum of a 1 year old. I have a good job, a good family and good friends. However, I want to find the right guy and settle down. Im so desperate now that I get obsessed with any guy that shows me attention and then I stalk them or chase them and then they run. The last straw was my best friends wedding last week where I got very drunk and begged a guy to come home with me. Now all my friends and his friends are laughing at me. Drinking makes me feel better, but when Im drunk I get even more desperate with guys. I absolutely hate myself right now. When I like a guy, I ususally go out of my way to try and get them. My whole life will revolve around that one person even if I know they are not right for me. Because I chase and beg and stalk it obviously turns them off. But I cant help it. What the hell is wrong with me? How can I stop being like this?
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female
reader, Smileypants  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 You have to make a conscious decision to stop this behavior. Don't drink for a while!! When you are depressed anyways (no offense but it sounds like you are) alcohol just intensifies all that stuff and makes you carry on about it. I was a little like that after my ex left me and I was a single mom. I wanted to stop hurting SO bad and thought a new man would make me feel better. But listen to me: A NEW MAN WILL NOT FIX ANYTHING. You HAVE to make yourself happy, let people see you as a confident woman who has a life of her own. Maybe see a dr and get screened for depression? Also, think about the kind of guy you'd end up with if your current way works- most likely an abusive type guy who would see your desperation as a golden sign they could do whatever they want, act however they want, maybe even cheat and you'll still be there. SO: your assignment is to do something fun with other adult girlfriends...go out, go shopping, take a yoga class. Take bubble baths with candles lit, enjoy "girl" stuff- maybe reading gossip mags, stuff like that. Keep yourself looking good, get pedicures, get your hair done. Then, when you (hopefully) feel the desperation has passed, do something that you might meet good guys at. Not bars or parties!! Remember, give booze a loooong break! Maybe hiking, hell take a jiu-jitsu class! You want to meet someone when you are both doing something hobbyish/excerciseish...not drinking!! Hang in there sweety, it will happen for you, but you can't force it...
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 The first step is being comfortable with yourself and who you are. You need to be confident and happy. People can sense this stuff. Confidence, as the old saying goes, is sexy.Desperate NEVER is. I know, because i used to have this problem too. Whenever i became desperate and obsessive i always drove people away (Unless they were crazy!).. Whenever i would stop being obsessive about looking for a date, THAT was when i actually started to attract people.You have to realize that you have more going for yourself then the majority of people in the world! You have a great job, a great family, and a daughter! I know many people who would KILL for that. You're now looking for the icing on the cake. Just remember: you are YOUNG. There is plenty of time for you to find someone. Just take things slow, and have fun.
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