A
female
age
41-50,
*ostinSpain
writes:Last year, I left everything and moved to Spain to be with my then fiance. It has not been an easy transition and he hasn't been as supportive as I would have liked/needed. Anyway, we broke up two months ago, but I don't think either one of us is really over it and while I want him back.........He left because he said he couldn't do "this" (meaning marriage, children, etc.). He constantly tells me how much he loves me and that some day I'll thank him for this. ???? For the first 6 weeks or so we saw each other pretty consistently. However, I have put an end to this because it was too hard for me. We are still affectionate when we see each other - even pecks on the lips. We still talk about once a week though even this is difficult. He keeps saying "I love you" but I'm not always able to say this....I love him but.....we both keep saying how we miss each other..... I'm so confused. He then told me today that he's done all the things he's done to me (not being very supportive, going out with his friends rather than me all the time, etc) to make me angry so I'd break up with him. HUH????? He says he does not want to have children and I do but that if it were to happen by accident well....he'd be okay with that. Again...HUH? When I told him I was going to move back to the United States, he was very surprised and he actually cried. I had to explain to him that if we are together, I would stay here in Spain forever. However, if I am going to be alone, I'd rather be home, near family, and where I can pursue more career opportunities. It is very obvious that this is not what he wants. He says he wants to stay in my life....he wants to be friends. He says that I always have family here in Spain (meaning his family). He says I am the most important thing in his life and he loves me more than anything else in the world. So why are we going through this???? Why are we not together???? Can anyone shine any light on to anything he's said? I'm so confused. I'm not sure whether to stay here and see what happens or if I'm better off just going home and getting on with my life. I know that he obviously is having issues at this moment but......I just don't know anything right now. Ideas?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 June 2009):
 I'm actually an interpreter, so perhaps I will help you :-).
You are not together because he doesn't really mean what he says. Don't pay attention to what he says, but what he does.
He was your fiancé. Since your relationship was obviously long distance, I assume that it took you both some time to meet, stay in contact, became involved, maybe visit each other, et cetera. You moved to Spain to be with him. He receives you and lives with you. And then, he makes you angry so you will break up? He can't do marriage, kids, et cetera, but only discovered that now, when you're in Spain? Come on!
I agree: you'll be better off going back home and getting on with your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Okay you are in a hard situation. I'm kind of in your shoes living in a foreign country and having problems every so often. I often feel like leaving back to the US for the same reasons you do, but I love my husband. I choose love over anything else in life, but each person is different. This is my take on things. Since we are so dependent on them for being in their country and having only them to lean on they feel that they have us secure. It seems as though he is confused and scared of commitment. Give him space, it's been two months so apparently you have done so. If things don't change and he doesn't want to be with you as in a relationship you should honestly buy your plane ticket and let him know. Show him the ticket. If he truly loves you he will not let you leave. Now, if he tells you to stay make sure you make it clear to him that you've got your conditions for staying and make it clear to him what exactly you want. I wish for you the best. Take care and I hope you find happiness whatever your decision is.
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