A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:argh ok i'm stuck in a rut.there are two guys i like and they both like me.the one i met a few weeks ago he is like really sweet to me and stuff calls me gorgeous and makes me feel great.then there is this other guy he went to my high school year above me and we got talking and stuff and we get on well.the first guy goes to clubs alot and i know we weren't together and stuff but he kept telling me how he wanted to be with me and he saw us having something really special until a few days ago he actually went out for a mates birthday and kissed some girl but not only that went back to hers he claims they didn't do stuff as he passed out.now at the moment i am really confused because i like this guy and he built up all this hope that we could be together but now when i talk to him i get uspet and angry i know it's silly because we weren't together but when someone tells you how much they like you and how special they think you are and how great you would be together it's a bit unfair.now i do still like this guy and i reckon we would of been really good together but i just feel like he is actually rebounding from his ex he told me he's not but after the other nights decision i think he is.at the moment i am stuck i just don't know what to do.the other guy is really sweet and like i say we get on well and we went to the same high school and he told me he likes me.argh i just don't know what to do for the best.the first guy i feel i'll have trust issues now.i've already had a guy have another girlfriend as well as me as he thought it would be good to have an LDR one and one that lives close to him.so i just don't know.can you possibly help me? give me some advice please?i really am just so confused by the whole thing.i'm not asking you guys to pick a guy just maybe you can see something in a decision for me that maybe i can'ti really would appreciate your helpthank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you again K C100
well to you both!
really opened my eyes and seen what i should of seen before :)
i told him i wouldn't be a rebound girl but he kept telling me i wasn't
because his ex cheated on him so makes me think he was doing that to get back at her in a way but i'll not bother wasting my time on him :)
and to be honest i can't picture myself with him now like i picture myself more with the other guy i just think we'd go :)
and he's really sweet and lovely.
and plus i knew him in high school
thank you again!
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 May 2009):
 I guess the reason he did it will be because he is enjoying being young free and single! It is classic rebound behaviour as you rightly suspected. And now he is trying to tell you he is sorry because he is probably lonely and missing being in a relationship hence he is chasing after you. But there is something worse than being the rebound girl....the rebound relationship! Normally guys will go through the whole rebound "sleep around" phase, and then get a bit lonely and miss having a girlfriend so they will go after the first girl that seems interested in them! This rarely lasts because once they jump into another relationship they realise what they actutally want is to be single again!
If this other guy is really nice and you have no bad words to say about him then it seems he is the obvious choice!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi both thank you for you responses i really appreciate them
and K C100 i know i mentionted the first guy alot more but that is only because he keeps saying to me he is ashamed and he is sorry so on and so forth, and i just really want to understand why he did it? more than anything.
i do like the other guy alot he's really sweet makes me laugh and stuff.
i didn't mention him as much because i've not got a bad thing to say about him.
he's really cute and funny and everything really.
i just really can't understand the other guy like why he built all this up adn got my hopes up if he is just rebounding i told him i don't want to be a rebound girl and he said he isn't but i still think he is.
Thank you both so much :)
i'm seeing things in a clearer light.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Oh dear...
Well, I can only say "Club Guy" may be a bit of a player. as a male, if I was kissing some gal in a club and went home with her, the routine of "nothing happened and I passed out" means.....
"I had sex with this gal, but I don't want to let you know that because I intend to have sex with you too". And that way I can just tell you that this other gal and I are friends and you'll believe me.
Oldest trick in the book..
So if you are still torn after that last paragraph do this:
Take out a piece of paper, and do some critical thinking. Write out the pros and cons of each guy. I'm not saying that you will come to a logical conclusion right away, as emotions will be involved. But it will give you a clearer picture of a future with either of them.
And also trust your gut. It never lies. if you think you will have trust issues with "Club Guy", you will.
Hope this helps a little
Good luck
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 May 2009):
Well all your feelings and concerns over the first guy are completely right, if he liked you as much as he said then he wouldnt have got drunk and kissed someone else! There are lots of warning signs with this guy - he gets so drunk he passes out?! Thats definately not a good start! And he sounds like a bit of a party boy if he goes clubbing a lot, it would be pretty hard to trust him if he is out partying all the time. And another major red flag - if he has recently split up with someone then yes you will be a rebound, he clearly is wanting to go out, party, and pull women rather than having a serious relationship! So I say steer clear of this guy, he is just not ready for a relationship and is not the sort of guy you want to spend time with.
As for the other guy, you hardly mention him in this question, you talk about the other guy way more. I think it shows who you like best out of the 2! But the 1st guy sounds like a bad idea, so I guess this only leaves the second guy! But do you acutally like him? Or would he just be the second choice because the other guy is no good? If this is the case then it is not fair to go out with the second guy either, he seems to like you so you need to feel the same about him otherwise you will end up hurting him.
So I say stay away from the first guy, and give the second guy a go but only if you really like him and can see it going somewhere. If not then you might just have to forget about both of them and find someone who is better suited to you!
I hope this helps!
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