A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now. Just to make things clear, I'm 15 and he's 20 (Yes, I know this is illegal). We met online and eventually met up in person. I currently live on the east coast, and he lives on the west coast. I go to see him on most school vacations or during summers. He even came here last summer, and my family really likes him. I really do love him a lot, but there are many flaws in our relationship. He grew up with only his mother because his father left when he was small. This must have been hard for him not having a dad growing up. However, I pretty much grew up without a mother because she passed away when i was 7. So basically we were both raised by the opposite sex, so our views on romance and things like relationships might not be exactly...normal. Ever since we started going out, my boyfriend and I have been EXTREEMELY close, which in my opinion, isn't too bad. He's more like my best friend because nothing sexual can be done. The reason why I'm writing this is because next year I plan on going to college early. In my boyfriend's eyes, this means I'm going to move there. We have talked about me moving there several times-almost daily. I'm not very fond of where I live or my family situation because I have been acting like a woman ever since I was 7 (cooking, cleaning, tending the house, watching my little brother, etc.) and I don't want to end up going crazy. I plan on going to college early (community college) and then transfering to a four year college. I havent even figured out what i want to do yet, but i like the idea of being able to get two years of college done by the time i would regularly be graduating high school. So anyways, my boyfriend wants me to get my GED and move to the west coast to be with him. In the back of my mind I feel that that's not going to be a good idea. No, i dont like being stuck here doing the dirty work, but at the same time my father and i are very close and i also don't want to be stuck in a bad relationship. I really need some advice because I don't have anyone to talk to about this.The reasons why I feel that my boyfriend and I arent going to last are pretty simple. 1)money. 2)bad communication-mostly on my part. 3)respect. 4)lack of romance. 5)he's no fun.1)money- He pays for me to go see him sometimes, which is really nice of him. Last time I gave him 200$ to pay for half. Every time i go see him, I have about $600 so we can go do things like go out to dinner, go to the movies, shopping, etc. We usually agree that since he paid for my ticket, I'm going to pay him back through doing these things. (I 100% agree with this - I'm all about equality). But I mean... I'm 15. I get $50 a week for doing the "dirty work" now, so i dont mind doing it as much. But i work HARD for my money. He's 20, doesnt have a job, gets money from mommy. Am i wrong in thinking that its unfair? He should have a job!! He says that he's waiting until he graduates college in december, because he wants to focus on school. This is understandable but there's no reason why he cant intern somewhere. He's maintained a 4.0 the whole time he's been in school, and he tells me he gets bored. There's no reason why he doesnt have a job. I personally think he's lazy. We have talked about getting married before, but why would i want to marry someone who won't even provide for me (somewhat) now? He's only paid for dinner... once. And that was split 50/50. We go to nice restaurants too!! We try to make the most of our time together... so we go to nice places. How is this fair to me to have to pay the whole time? I mean... I don't think twice about it because i love him and that's what you do when you love someone. But he never even offers, and this confuses me. The day i turn 16, I plan on going to look for a job. I feel that its very important to have one no matter what.2)bad communication- Apparently I'm not a good communicator. We get in fights because of it. It's hard to split my time between two people i really love- My boyfriend and my family. He gets mad when i dont talk to him and tell him every little thing i'm going to do. He's not obsessive (although he has admitted in the past that he is), but he claims that "he loves me so much that he always wants to talk, and when i dont want to talk to him or see him on the webcam, that must mean i dont really love him". WTF!! Yes, i admit, i get bored watching him surf the internet while he's on the webcam... wouldnt you? I wont get too into this...because that's mostly about #5-he's boring. So anyways, he told me that i dont communicate well, so i try to make it clean what i'm doing. I cheated on him in the past (unfortunately), and he's never let me forget it. So now, if i do something and dont tell him, he gives me that excuse, "for all i know you could have been cheating on me again". That hurts. I already feel like crap for doing it, why does he always have to bring it up?3)Respect- This isnt as big of an issue but it bothers me somewhat. I'm my boyfriend's second girlfriend. His first girlfriend cheated on him and treated him like sh**, so he finally broke it off. For some reason, he doesn't really respect me (idk why). I try to get the best grades I can, take care of my house, spend time with my family, and also talk to my boyfriend. I dont even hang out with my friends anymore because all they do is drugs and drink, and ive learned that that takes you nowhere in life. But it hurts me SO BAD when my boyfriend doesnt appreciate anything i do. He just expects me to be wonderwoman and make him my priority and not do the other things i have to do. How do i handle this?4)Lack of romance- Yes, he sent me flowers on Valentines Day and on my birthday, and he got me a necklace for christmas... but thats IT. I dont want anything really...but he could at least BE romantic when i'm with him. I just visited him on easter break and we just stayed at his house most of the time and did nothing... when his friends wanted to hang out he'd say no because he was too busy with his gf. Did he not want his friends checking me out or something? LOL. Was he embarassed for other people to see me? or did he really just want to spend time with me? I dont get it. He's not romantic, and i think this is due to not having a dad... but you can LEARN to be romantic.5)he's no fun- I already said how he doesnt like to do much with me. He used to drink a lot- but that changed because i said i'd break up with him if he kept doing it. It was pathetic. He'd go over to his friends and get drunk and then we'd get in a fight or something and he'd somehow call me a whore because of that one time i cheated on him... along with the c word and b word and so on. . but now, he doesnt like to do anything. and he doesnt see a problem with it. Why? because he is used to not doing much because he's lazy. He doesnt have a job, he goes to school for programming, and then he comes home and plays games on his computer or watches tv or programs. I'm the complete opposite. I like to always be busy. I dont want to marry someone who wont do anything with me.The bottom line is that i'm so attached to him. I love him with all my heart, but theres things about our relationship that i'm not pleased with at all. Should i tough it out and stay with him? or should i wait until i start college to find another boyfriend. I dont want to hurt him. I guess when you love someone thats why you dont want to leave them...you dont want them to be in pain or ever be sad. How do i handle this? Please help.
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best friend, christmas, drugs, drunk, flowers, met online, money, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanyone else? I really REALLY need advice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your advice.
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A
female
reader, lovetheboy +, writes (27 April 2009):
You are very mature for your age.
The only advice I can offer is that you should continue with your plans for college.
It seems like your boyfriend is nice, but he is not very mature or driven. If you move out there to be with him, you may not be able to reach all of your goals.
It's important to surround yourself with people who are just as driven as you are.
Even though you are very mature, you are 15. Which means there are still so many experiences with men that you need to have in order to decide what kind of man you really want to be with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. i was hoping that literate people would respond but this is okay too i guess :)
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A
male
reader, uncle111 +, writes (26 April 2009):
keep sex out of it lol tell you r done with colage
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female
reader, mint  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 i think that if you love someone then you have o hav things yuu hate bout them- as opposited attract
jus tell him hw yuu feel nd tell yuu wnt a man who kn provide for yuu!
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