A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi After I got divorced ( a 13 yr relationship) I met a man(7 yrs older) I really liked right away, first we were friends and then we became FWB( he was clearly using me since he never spoke of having any feelings for me nor did he show it in actions and at first I let it continue due to self esteem issues and inexperience and later I continued because I fell for him. When I woke up and saw the light I broke it off, returned to school and we kept in touch via MSN and sporadic phone calls ( since he kept in touch with me and was being nice, telling me he tried to move into my building, now lives next block over, he thinks I'm a great girl, he wants to be my friend..."my best friend", encouraged me to vent on him and let out all my feelings about my anger at him, I thought that maybe he might wait for me to finish school and he might admit to having feelings for me as well ( naive wishful thinking, i am aware ). After I finished school we talked and he informed me that he had been dating some girl for the past 3 months and they were in love( i told him i was hurt and I've completely cut all ties with him. I am human and don't like being alone so I started looking for a nice guy too. The problem is I am soo afraid of letting someone in and getting hurt that it seems that I look for reasons to end it with every guy I meet. I am saddened to think that I am so afraid to let someone touch me because for me sex and feelings come in the same pk and if I have sex again then I set myself up for hurt again. I do not want to become a spinster that doesn't even remember what it's like to be in an emotionally safe relationship. thank you all so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you.............sounds like good advice..........gives me lots to think about:)
A
female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 It doesn't sound like you are ready for a romantic relationship at the moment. Most people do want to grow old with someone. Live your life in the now, enjoying it, take some classes of interest, volunteer in your community. Focus on other things besides a romantic relationship. You might meet the kind of man you deserve and who deserves you :) Don't look at men as a potential love interest. See a man for his whole character and personality. Slow down, make true friends. The right one is out there so don't settle for less.
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