A
female
age
30-35,
*onnaBlume
writes:im so over all men. im so sick of being hurt. i have had so many men in my life i cant hold on to them. im not clinggy im not one of those annoying girlfriends like my friends i try to be the oppisite. i always choos the manwhores and then when i have a good one i cheat on him. im so sick of all of this what in gods name should i effing do! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): For one reason or another you don't consider it a real relationship until someone is cheating. If they won't cheat on you then eventually you get sick of it and start cheating on them. The point is that you aren't satisfied until it's happening. Nevermind whether you like it or hate it, then point is that you're not satisfied until it's happening. Sometimes we can hate something and still not feel satisfied without it.
Now you have to look hard into yourself & your past, and figure out WHY you got this idea that real relationships always involve cheating. That's often a job for professional counseling.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 You said you've picked some good guys? You've been cheated on, and sounds like that doesn't produce the greatest feeling for you. Why, if you don't like being hurt, are you passing the pain on to the good guys by doing the same thing others have done that ends up hurting you?
Sit down and figure out who you are. Are you a cheater? If the answer is not, then you have to develop yourself into that. I've been cheated on. I don't know to many people who haven't been. I don't cheat in return, because that's not who I am. So, you need to develop a set of principals, that no matter what someone else does to you, you won't lower yourself from who you are because someone else doesn't treat you well.
It seems as if being hurt has developed an expectation of getting hurt. Our minds develop a map of all experience. If you have 5 not so good guys then 1 who's good, your mind doesn't recognize the good cause it's not part of the map, the good guy is then associated with the pain and the hurt others caused. One thing I'd like you to try is to separate the good from the bad. You say "guys" treat you bad. Guy as being a single category or association. Your mind recognizes that as "all guys" not just the ones who caused pain. So when your thinking about or discussing who's hurt you, I want you to put a picture of them in your mind, and call them by name. This way your mind will associate the pain with who caused it and not the gender.
You also said you cheat on good guys. Is this just kissing, or going all the way? When you get a new boyfriend. You don't have to have sex right away. Okay? Anyone can put A into B, so the act of having the capabilities to do so is not gong to define your relationship, unless your looking for just physical and not something real and long-term. If a guy wants you for more than just sex, he'll wait until your ready too. Make sure he's going to be good to you before sleeping with him.
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