A
male
age
30-35,
*aeys
writes:Hey, Dearcupid. This may be a bit long..but please bear with me because I desperately need help with it!I've been with my girlfriend for just over 2 years now, and we're both 17. My girlfriend went to a party with her friend and my girlfriend, having only recently being introduced to drinking, doesn't seem to understand the concept of "Take it easy on the drinkies". I didn't want her to go to this party because I was concerned that bad things would happen and it would affect our relationship. And it did.Basically she got drunk as a skunk and ended up making out with one of my good mates along with her friend. yes, they took turns in making out with him - it makes me physically sick when I think about it.On top of that, she also made out with a 20 year-old (we're both 17) in a game of spin the bottle. AND she also made out with her friend's best friend..who's of the same sex as her.The worst part? I found out. And when I found out, I practically had to worm it out of her - to the point of almost demanding to know what she had done. When I finally got it out of her, she was all apologetic to me, telling me "I was going to tell you..I was, I was, I swear" etc. etc.However, I found out about it 2 weeks AFTER the party had happened. And now, because of this, I've lost any and all trust I had for her whatsoever, when I look at my "mate" I feel really REALLY angry, and when I look at my girlfriend I feel betrayal, anger, but still love. I've developed the mindset that she's a compulsive liar with little to no respect for my feelings whatsoever (as she only ever does whatever the hell she wants and treats me like dirt just because she can - I know this because she admitted it to me in a fit of anger once).I want to know how I can deal with this properly. I don't know how to feel, and I don't know how to act toward her. She's acting like it's all fine JUST because she 'was drunk and it didn't matter - it meant nothing" but being drunk is not an excuse for betraying me like this! God, she's not even being nice to me to even TRY and COMPENSATE and make up for her unfaithful actions! I've talked to her about it, and we agreed on a few things but she's proven time and time again that what she says is COMPLETELY different to what she does - she'll never follow through with what she says.How do I deal with all of this? How the hell am I, somehow, going to be able to get past all the heartache this is causing me? I'm sick of being hurt and lied to by her - I don't deserve this! Please help! :(
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male
reader, Philips  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Put that in your head: She had no remorse, she will do it again. Are you sure u wanna be with her when she will cheat on you again? You will be the one suffering, so dats your decision. LOVE??? if she loved you she wouldn't have cheated. "One-sided love can be very very painful"
A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Start over. Give yourself time to get over her. Cut contact with her, find some new things to enjoy and spend time with friends. It takes everyone time to get over someone they love but they're able to because they know that's what's right for them to do. You'll get over her. Start doing it now and give yourself a break.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Even if a person doesn't deserve our love that doesn't mean we are incapable of loving them. Plus you must remember that your love for her grew on the premises that she would be faithful. You didn't begin to love her despite whatever cruel thing she would do in the future, you developed the feelings you have for her based on how kind she was towards you and the connection you had. Now that has been disturbed and you see her for all she is and not just the nicer sides.
However the feeling is still there, which is why it is always hard to break up, it always hurts to leave a person. The clue is that you get over them. It is something you can't do much about yourself, it is something that just happens by itself. You remove yourself from that person and the feelings fade away. The longer you stay away from them, the less you think about them, the more you will have other people fill in the gaps that were left in your heart. Your heart also heals itself. And then one day when you didn't even think about it, you're over her. But it can take years even. So don't stress yourself out, give yourself the time it takes to heal, at your own speed.
Depending on your love for the person, the depth of the relationship, and the way the relationship ended, getting over someone can take months to several years.
There are different stages to getting over someone as well. At several stages you might still feel pain while thinking about them, but you are able to fall in love with someone else and be completely happy with the new person. At several stages you won't even think about your ex in a bad way, you wont feel the pain when you think about her, but if you see her in person you feel horrible. And then there are the last stages where you can see her and feel ok about it too, but if you see her with a new boyfriend you feel sick to your stomach.
You know you are 100% over someone when you are indifferent towards them, neither dislike them or like them, and whatever they do in their lives don't interest you. To get to that stage can take years. But the earlier stages of where you wont feel hurt when thinking about her will come sooner, and you will be able to move on from her.
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A
male
reader, Vaeys +, writes (15 July 2011):
Vaeys is verified as being by the original poster of the question But I still really love her. And I hate myself for it. I shouldn't still be in love with someone as selfish and self centred as she is but I don't know how to get her out of my head.
I just want to forget about her completely and I want to be able to cut her out of my life.. But I simply don't know how! How do you do it, how are you supposed to get over someone who has left you completely emotionally and mentally scarred?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 July 2011):
You're right, you don't deserve this, and alcohol is never an excuse.
The right way to deal with being cheated on is to end the relationship and leave the cheater. The friendship with your mate has also been destroyed as he betrayed you. It hurts, I know, but it is what it is. They chose to do what they did, and all it did was hurt you, so they are both incredibly selfish people that you do not need in your life.
Cut them out. Stay friendly if you chose to, but don't keep them close. You can't trust them, you can't and shouldn't move on from the betrayal. If you chose to trust them again they would just hurt you over and over. It isn't worth it.
Love is always a gamble. In this case you know whats at stake, you've already lost at the game and there is little left to be won, and you know the risks are high. Is it worth to continue this gamble?
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (14 July 2011):
Leave her. She was never going to tell you and you know that. But luckily you stomped her nerves enough to get it out of her. She's not going to change and she only says those things to keep you around. She really doesn't care that she hurt you because she's not making any effort to show she regrets it. Find someone better, hopefully someone who has the will power not to drink and put themselves in vulnerable situations.
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