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male
,
anonymous
writes: dear cupidi am currently experiencing difficulties in college, due to the fact i can not fight or stand up for my self. this happened back to when i was a kid when i was threatened by a black man and was defenceless to do anything followed by being stabbed in 2004. just today an incident happened to me where i was defenceless, where i wanna fight the person but my mind, heart and hand sort of become paralysed with fear and almost makes me wanna cry. i would like to know is their any way to over-come this?, as i am tired of being bullied into giving my stuff etc. and also why do my hands become defenceless and make me thing i can not throw a punch and is their a technique into throwing a powerful punch?sorry this is long but please help me as i do not want to be worrying my parents and going to adults for help everytime :'( :'(
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female
reader, leavemealone  +, writes (18 December 2007):
I would agree with starfairy. There are some really good self defence classes around that would help boost your confidence and give you ways of standing up for yourself. Also if you feel vulnerable why not buy a panic alarm or something similar it may give you that peace of mind you are looking for.
Once you have the confidence to answer back the bullying will probably stop.
Just remember bullies are the ones with the low self esteme that think the only way to get attention and friends is to look hard. Stand up to a bully and you will realise how scared they actually are themselves.
Good luck and keep smiling
A
male
reader, Passthrough  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 Confidence is more important that ability or physical strength. Violence is the voice of the unintelligent, weak masses. If you want to be above them, elevate yourself! Do not fight on their level... Most likely, you are weak, they are strong. You are small, they are big. But, you are smart, and they are dumb.What you need to do is work on your confidence. A mantra, repeated from the time you lie in bed until you fall asleep: "I am stronger. I am quicker. I am smarter." has worked for me since middle school, when I was always the one being picked on. Yeah, I was a nerd, with little social ability and a meager physical state. I changed my appearance, always looking up, identifying in periferal, acting like whomever it was, was not worth my time to even NOT look at, nevermind look at directly. It is better and easier to prevent than to defend.Another keen way to keep out of trouble is to avoid the situation altogether. Travel in groups, be indistinguishable from the mass, not the weak point. Keen perception is key. Identify possible agressors, keep in the middle/rear of groups travelling, and blend in. Again, the best way to keep out of trouble is to prevent it altogether.If you are picked on among or near a group, overreaction is your best defence. Angrily: "WHOA, you made me drop all my books!" "SHIT! Be more careful!" "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Go away from me!"Gather as much attention as you can, make a scene, but do not anger your agressors: Your goal is only to cause others to help; if in your defence, or merely to frown upon the agressor or agressors. Sometimes, peer judgement is enough to stop being picked on. Keen analysis of your enemy is key. You should know where and when they are most likely to bully, and to avoid those places and times. Rarely does a bully work alone, usually in groups, or to brag to their friends. Make it not worth their while.What sort of college are you attending which still has bullies? How could to travel to such an area, without defence, enough to be stabbed?Lastly, the bad advice. If they pick on you, carry a tazer or some mace! Keep in mind, an arms race is not the best idea. If they perceive this as a threat rather than a deterrant, you're in a sorry place.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (18 December 2007):
 You should look into self defence classes, kick boxing, karate, anything that will boost your confidence. Try yell.com for local groups, or pop by your local gym or community center.
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