A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok heres the deal...i sound really stupid writing this and it seems so pathetic with everyhting horrible that happens in the world but i think im having a nervous breakdown lolive only just turned 18 and all my life everyones comapred my to my older sister..im the smart one and shes the good looking one. Gorgeous i should say. This didnt bother me until i started going otu with one of her riends now i havee to see her friends all the time...who fawn alll over her and want to get into her pants all the time. even my friends like her better!! its not fair, i feel so insignificant when i go out with her that its making want to tear my hair out.it all escalated at new years when one of her admirers got really drunk and started shouting at my bf "why did you pick the ugly sister????" ... if that wasnt bad enoguh nobody defended me or even pretended that it wasnt true. I feel like im nothing against her as she has a great job now and a car and a great bf and though i did well in exams i didnt get into theatre school like i hoped and amstuck at home. ots got so bad that ive started hurting myself again...which i know is stupid and havent done in so long.im sick of having to look at all my "other qualities" other than being pretty...because guess what? shes got all those too!! please help x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): That must be really upsetting, luckily I have no sister to compare myself to because I probably would.
I do have one brother, he's really rude, treats people like garabe, teases them, humilliates them publically, speaks ill of them when they're not around... I don't do any of that, I think I'm more of a respectful person, however everyone prefers him, people is behind him all the time, my cousins and nephews like him better and find it fun to be around, despite of how he treats them and he always gets what he wants for people: money, fans, followers, whatever.
So what, so is life. I used to bother me a lot, and I wondered why and thought life was so unfair and the only one suffering from me thinking that was just me. (I also hurted myself and has eating disorders, not only because of that but it contribuited).
The point is that when you stop doing that lettting all those things affect you, your life gets better. Comparisons are never good and your life will be miserable if you go through it comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone richer, happier, hotter, more intelligent, with a better work, a better family...bla..bla..bla...
Compare only to yourself and always work to improve yourself: physically, spiritually, intelectually, if you do that you won't have time to worry about what others have or do.
It's perfectly normal what you are feeling, it's scientifically proven that looking at hot women lowers the self-steem of us mortals and puts us down. If that happens while seeing a magazine, I imagine the effect of living with one, it was hard enogh for me having a mother telling me that she was hotter, more attractive, more responsible... than me when she was my age.
The bright side, being beautiful might seem like a great thing, especially when you are young, but in the long run there are better things to ask for.
I had a friend in college who was gorgeous, she had a killer body and all guys died for her (most of them just wanted to do her) and she used to cry because felt her boobs were too big.
Attractive people tend to have an easier life, people are more attentive to them, that's a fact, so when age comes in and those good looks are gone it's harder for them to accept that they are not attractive anymore.
In the men aspects. It will be easier for them to find a boyfriend, but it won't be easy keeping it, despite of what may seem. When someone is beautiful it's like when someone is rich, they constantly wonder if someone is with them because their looks or their money and not because of them.
Men have a harder time too being with a beautiful woman, they are insecure by nature, they can't stand the feeling of knowing that other men are fantasizing with their significant others and also believe that there are more chances of her being unfaithful. They might appear to feel very much because they have a hot girlfriend and it helps them impress their friends, but on the inside, it's not so easy.
Also, about what the druk guy said, when someone is with an attractive person, everyone thinks someone is with them because they are attractive, point. When a person is with an ugly or a not so attractive person, people do wonder "why is she/he with them? He/she must be very interesting, or fun to be with or good in bed, whatever, people do wonder and that spices up and ads mistery to their personality.
Be observative, most "great catches" (to call attractive, successful, interesting and usually caring men) are with not so attractive women with strong personalities, on the other hand morons with money are always looking for the hottest women, like showing them around like trophes and are more prone to cheating because thet's the way they prove their manhood to themselves and friends, quite sad.
So, beautiful people do have more options, they have more men behind them but it's harder for them to know why they are loved. It's easier for them to get a job, but they have to be constantly proving others thay got their job for their ability and not their looks. Thy have a harder time getting people to take them seriously or really listening to them because many just see them as a piece of meat and not a person. Sad but true.
So you don't have to worry, it's harder when you're young, it's harder to live with her, but nevermind, it doesn't matter and time flies. If you focus on yourself I assure you life will be great for you. Wokr on your confidence, on developing your character and personality (there are many good suggestions on internet for that), be yourself, love your differences to others (including not being as beautiful as your sister, accept it, don't deny it or feel less because of that), set goals and follow your dreams.
If you didn't get into thetre school, it wasn't the only thing you could do, there are other schools, you can read the plays and act them out alone. You could prepare monologues or puppet plays and present them on local schools and help children at the same time and if you know other people interested in it, you can start your own company. It might sound crazy, you might even start it like a game or hobby, but I assure you, if you like it and put your heart into it, it will work.
Sometimes things are blessings in disguise, I also wanted to be an actress but my parents never let me, I suffered a lot, resented them and did some very silly things against myself because of that. Luckily I discovered all the backstage side and found it even more interesting being behind the stage of the camera and now have a very successful career in production. You never know.
Good luck and hope it helped.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): You can't change the way you look, neither can she. Be happy in yourself, who cares if she's better looking? there's always someone who's prettier, smarter than you. Her freinds sound quite shallow, any way you have too hang round with them?
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Hi there...
None of us are perfect. Everyone has something they could do better at; being prettier, being intelligent, having a nice personality, being a good parent, making a balance amongst the things in their life, etc. The thing is, you will not be perfect or "better" than a lot of people. There is nothing to do about that! Life is about dealing with what we do have and making the best of it.
I've met gorgeous girls that feel lost in life, even if the are also smart and nice. At first I couldn't understand that, to me, they had no "cause" for their affliction. Then I understood, they wish they had something they don't have and they concentrate on that, instead of looking at what you do have and enjoying that. So what if she is prettier? Your life doesn't depend on her or what she has or doesn't have, unless you let yourself live by what you don't have and she does. And that is a sad DECISION to make. Being sad with what you don't have is YOUR decision.
Start accepting your self because that's the only person you will SURELY spend the rest of your life. This is a process, I think we all go through it... believe me, you will be MUCH happier when you get through it.
Look for your purpose in life, what you want to do for you, what makes you happy and go for it. If she has a nice job and a car and a bf, she must have worked hard for it. Work for you and on you... decide to be happy with you with what is or will be; with what you have and what you don't. Decide to make good decisions and stop hurting yourself. That will save you a LOT of tears.
Best of lucks!
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