A
female
age
30-35,
*tarryeyed
writes:last friday night i went, along with several colleagues, to an ex-colleagues wedding party. for a while now, i had been developing feelings for a work mate, but had not acted upon it because 1) i am shy, and 2) i was unsure how he felt in reagards to me.but on friday, our mutual friends told me just HOW much he liked me, but that he was also extremely shy...so it was left to me to make my feelings known. we were sat outside alone, and i asked him if it was true tha the liked me,and when he said yes, i told him how much i liked him. we then held hands and went back into the party and sort of danced. i saw him on sunday- at a friends house for lunch, and things went ok...we spoke, and held hands again. but i don't know where i stand with him at the moment. he's told our friends that he still wants to be with me, but that he's not had a girlfriend before and so doesnt know how to act. i'm just stuck as to what to do now. i've tried inviting him out to do things during the week, but he's been busy with interviews and family. and when he's come into work, he's barely said two words to me...except "are you alright sweet". i think we've managed to persuade him to come out tomorrow night- but it's again turned into more of a works do. he's very profesional so i understand that he doesn't want to broadcast our relationship around...but then do we really have a relationship?!?!
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female
reader, starryeyed +, writes (31 March 2008):
starryeyed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok well i went out on saturday~ with some mates from work. he was meant to come but i found out in the car that he was going to stay at home instead. i was soo disappointed but gave him the benefit of the doubt. when we went to pick a mate up,i found out he'd offered to baby sit for her so she could come out. but we were all waiting in the sitting room, and he didnt even say hello to me- i don't think he even acknowledged i was there.so i went out with the girls. and by 10:30pm we were completely out of it (not a good thing i know). in one bar, a mate told me she'd been talking to him, and that he'd said he didn't know if he had time for a relationship at the moment, and that he didn't know what to tell me. well after she said this to me, i drank some more. basically i kissed some random bloke, who i wasn't even attracted to. i just don't know what to do now. last night i met up with the mate who told me what he'd said, only this time she said "he still really likes me and wants to be with me, but just doesn't know how to be around me". i really want to be with him, but i think i've blewn it. the way i behaved was completely out of character the other night and i've felt physically sick ever since.i don't want him to find out from someone else, but how do i tell him? i feel angry towards my mate for telling me that when i had been drinking,and then changing it yesterday, but i can't blame her for how i behaved.help
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): It's only been around, what a week or two??
Give it time, love. Don't expect to already be in a relationship the very moment you two profess that the emotions are mutual. Wouldn't you like a little wooing and dating? He is afterall very shy.
That way, when it finally becomes official, it'll be a lot more special. And you'll treasure each other alot more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hi there again,
Please be patient. If he's stressed, he is distracted so maybe you need to just step back, relax, take a few deep breaths and say, "what ever happens...happens." If he's really, really worth it, then just let all this ease into place on it's own. Don't be impatient or frustrated or this shy guy will sense that and run like heck. He knows you like him. He likes you. It's just maybe he hasn't figured out just what to do with you yet...lol. I mean that in the most nicest way. It seems to me that you do know a lot about him, and to you, he's worth it! I do think you need to somehow let him know, his life is nothing to be embarrassed about. But, somehow, you have to get that across to him in a discussion, and maybe that will relax him and make him feel better about this relationship's progressing I really think the key may be to keep being fun and open with him. Keep sending light, positive, nice notes, letting him see the humorous, brilliant, clever, compassionate you. Sometimes these shyer guys are worth it, but they are very, very challenging in the beginning. They just need more time than the average more outgoing fellow. Gosh, I hope this works for you and him. You sound like you both would make a very sweet couple and I am rooting for you both!! lol And remember, the power of positive thinking is incredible.
Anne
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A
female
reader, starryeyed +, writes (29 March 2008):
starryeyed is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni've got him msn, mobile no. and all that and i have been texting him a couple of times....but i don't want to be O.T.T and scare him off!
i have found out over the last week that he has got alot going on at home, some stuff i know he doesn't want me to know because he thinks it will lower my oppinion of him. which it won't because i like him for the person he is...not his family,and certainly not what they do or don't own.
he's stressed at the moment too- changing careers, finding a new place on his own etc. so i know he has his reasons to be distant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hi there,
Oh gosh. The poor guy! I feel so much empathy for him! To me, it seems he likes you and he is interested. He just shy and awkward. There's nothing more difficult for a shy guy, than trying to wade his way through the dating pool. And this is so difficult you. too. So I wouldn't really say you are in a actual relationship, yet. You both are just in the beginning phases of getting to know each other, in a way that can propel you into something more deeper. You both have such a long ways to go yet. The big stumbling block to get over-- is that both of you are pretty shy people. So this could be a bit more challenging as both of you are uncertain as to what to do next.
But truthfully, guys are usually the pursuers, aren't they and this fellow just ain't persuin'! It may be time for you to see if there is an outgoing good guy friend that can kinda help you, in a very discreet way. You know, shy girls can date easier than a shy guy. Because usually the guy who likes her, is willing to make all the first moves But the shy guys have a hard time in the dating world but there are ways to improve their chances. Maybe he just needs some enlightenment from some good buddies.
You can help this along in a informal, casual way too. Have you got this shy guy's email, can you msn him, text him? Send him notes to break the ice? Tell him more about yourself and see if he returns the contact. I would think this is all you can do. If you aren't getting a response from him, then perhaps you should think about dating someone a bit more assertive and open with you. Sorry if this doesn't help, I just wanted to let you know, it is a hard time for both of you and if you can't get through this impasse...you may have to mosy on to dating other people.
Anne
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