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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi am a 28 year old who has never had a relationship with woman of any kind. Ive seen a girl that I really like but am too shy to approch her i find it really difficult to approch girls is there something wrong with me. I see guys younger than me going up to girls and speaking to them and dancing with them but I can't seem to find the courage to say hi to someone i like. Can anyone give me any adivce ?
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 December 2005):
Your not weird or unsual, your a person who is just letting their fears take control of them :(
Talking to someone, especailly someone who is a potential gf/bf material can be, wait, IS very nerve recking. Some people get to the point that they have physical symtoms like shortness of breath, stomache cramps, racing heart, weakness in the knees, faint like,trembeling, dizy and so on, people like that can normally be put in the 'social phobia' category. If you have any signs of anxiety like that, its importnat to work with them, find ways to calm yourself down.
Although you may not be at a point where you have such severe symptoms, I'm sure to you its a really hard thing to do and seems like really bad. I think perhaps looking up self help web sites or reading self help books would be a great idea! Look up topics such as 'anxiety' and 'social phobia'. I really suggest you do this, please please pleas,e you will be suprised at how reading something from a professional can really work.
I'm going to assume that one of the parts of why its so hard for you to talk to a girl (and im wondering do you get nervous about talking to anyone in just general as well?) is that you odn't love yourself. You don't see that your a great person. You tell yourself 'no one wants to talk to me', so you are really very discouraging and hurting yourself, to the point that you don't do it. Negative thinking is the worse thing you can do to yourself! Practive saying positive thoughts to yourself, even if you don't believe them!
Also ask your close friends and family what good qualities they see in you, and remember them! You have to love yourself and you should! I'm sure there are really great things about you.
You may not be one of those overly confident people and you may not be like that ever, cause thats not you, its ok to be shy, shy people are observors and are very good at listening. They often see things in poeple that overs don't take the time of day out to see.
In conlcusion, I think go do some research, and remember positive thinking! Oh and also, instead of thinking of females as potential gf's perhaps just look at them as in a friend way. LIke don't think 'ok im going to try and get her out on date', if thats what you would do, just think 'ok im going to try and develop a friendship here'.
I hope I have helped. I honestly believe you have it in you to do this! Where theres a will, theres a way! Good luck! Take care and I hope it works out for you :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): You need to start saying hi, even to women you dont fancy. Whats the worse that could possibly happen? they ignore you? they laugh? so what if they do.... that will just give you the knowledege very quickly that you really dont want to start anything with someone like that.
Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable is the only way to get the ball rolling, and yes you will probably get hurt somewhere down the line, and you may well be the one that hurts someone. It doesnt matter about your age or experience, everyone of us is different, and there is nothing wrong with you, you are just protecting yourself so much so that you wont allow yourself to experience life. I gurantee you, once you start opening up, the world will open with you. Good luck.
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