| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I know this will sound like a stupid problem, but here it goes. My boyfriend had an idea last weekend, to record ourselves having sex with his phone. He sent me the videos, because he said they were a huge turn on and that he loved them. But I couldn't watch for long. First, because it's so bizarre to see myself having sex. And second, because I look so damn ugly!It left me feeling totally ashamed of my body and face. I told him about this and he said he loved how I look, and well, yeah, he sees this videos in another light. He might like how I look, but maybe he's just saying that so I won't feel bad. Anyway, this is not about him. He could think I look hotter than any woman in porn for all I know, and it wouldn't make a difference. I just hate the way I look, and now that I KNOW how I look while having sex, I just feel like I hate the way I look and don't know how to overcome it.I have small breasts, which look flat and ugly. I'm a bit pudgy now and working on it, but it affects me, I also have cellulite on my thighs, which I hate, and according to doctors nothing can be done to cure it. But what I really hated was my "orgasm face". I just look so ugly and unfeminine. I've never liked my face much to start, but now this really left me thinking "wow, I'm really uglier than I thought".I know it's great that my boyfriend loves me, that he loves having sex with me and that he loves the videos, but that doesn't help with my own feelings of inadequacy. How can I change the perception I have of myself? I know I can start by working out and eating healthier, but that will only fix a tiny aspect of my look. My face, which is what I especially disliked, will always be the same. How can I live with that? I had no idea I looked so ugly while having sex!
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male
reader, i_like_boobs  +, writes (20 December 2011):
same problem here, my wife isnt sexual so filming is a turn off for her, and when i do, she also dislike herself on the vid BUT also seeing myself is not so great either. For me, i focus on my wife and ignore mlyself init. nuance the situation, dont focus on ur looks on vid but focus on the sensuality and the fantasy you can get out of it.
To be honest, my wife got a huge boost on her self esteem when she added a profile on ratemybody.com and she got alot of sexy compliments, also her libido raised up what i liked !!!!
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 you think your orgasm face looks terrible but to your boyfriend he probably loves it and finds it his favourite face! the more wild looking the better, it shows that you are totally lost in the moment so you are not even thinking what you look like so don't change ok? if you are not happy with your body, then do something about it, take up some exercise to tone up. i just bet your boyfriend loves you, loves that you are willing to make little movies with him and LOVES watching them. please stop worrying
x
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Hi,You are so silly.....When I person admit they are ugly, means the contrary, and I think you are just making a big deal out of nothing. Are you so ugly people stop in the street to look at your ugly face? I don't think so, so stop being silly. Just by the the things you were describing why you thought it made you feel you are ugly, made me believe you are exaggerating, and just being dramatic. Sorry, but I think it's all in your head, and you are seeing yourself with your mind, what you want to believe, not with your true eyes. I am not sure, but you mentioned that you never liked your face? I don't know what made you feel this way, but whatever it was, you implanted in your head, and for some reason the video just made things worst. I think you are being too harsh on yourself. Common... You were having sex with your boyfriend, how did you expect to look? If you expected to look like the porn stars? Well, they wear tons of make up, have a full staff to make them look good, lights, fake boobs, also the face they make? They are professinals, it's their job to look good, sexy while having sex..If you stop these negatives, obsessive thoughts in your head, I am sure you will realize that the problem was in your head, not you. Appreciate yourself, make yourself feel good. Just know that nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws, and we all have something we don't like about our physical appearance. Why so many people tahr are perfectly good looking keep getting more, and more plastic surgery?What you are doing now is perfect, you are not happy with your weigh? So you are working on, trying to eat healthy, that's the way to go. Hope this helps, and make sense. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (28 September 2011):
 You're not alone on this one. Most women feel under constant pressure to look like we just stepped out of the pages of cosmo but in reality it isn't like that.
I guarantee other people don't see what you do. We are always ultra critical of ourselves and we are actually looking for the things that are wrong with our bodies/face. Other people aren't looking for that and they don't see it. Trust your partner when he tells you how good you look. I bet you're rolling your eyes at that right?! because it's easier said than done but it will happen over time.
Real sex isn't like in the movies, it's messy and sweaty and our hair and make up doesn't stay perfect the way it does on those girls! but that's okay because it's real life and nobody looks perfect afterwards!
Don't let this cause negativity toward sex, your partner chose you over all others so that must tell you something. Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): Welcome to the real world. Unless you have a team of make-up artists and a shit load of exercise time, chances are you are going to look less than great during sex. Trust me.Do you have any idea what actually happens to your body during the act?So many chemical releases are clouding the way we see things during sex that we don't notice just how weird we actually look. And in Porn... those men and women have worked quite hard to look how they do, specifically so they look ideal during the sex scenes, but that's because that's what they get paid for.I wouldn't judge yourself to harshly. You are probably not anywhere near as bad as you think. But if it really bothers you so much go and do something about it and stop whining when you have a partner that clearly loves you and sees something you don't. Plenty of people out there, myself included, would tear apart the Earth for that.Flynn 24
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