A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've got a huge problem. I find myself seriously attracted to a married,female co-worker. To say she is the woman of my dreams is an understatement. It would also appear that she has feelings for me. I am trying to do the right thing and just be her friend since we have to work together, but it is driving me nuts. It makes it even more difficult when she is constantly wanting my attention. How do I handle this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): Oh boy, I am the married one, I am attacted to a single male, who happens to be my boss. I know stop right there but I try so hard to make it work at home and yet I feel the pull of this man. His talk, his walk, his smell, his looks. I know he feels something but he is my boss and he is in a relationship. It so wrong to feel the way I do about him. I caught him looking at me one day and it was a very sexy look and I can't get it off my mind. Sex with my husband is not the problem I try so very hard to get this guy off my mind and yet I can't. I never in 30 years ever cheated on my husband but yet I get this job a little less than a year now & from day one there is attraction. I keep asking myself why is this happening & should I take the leap & just go for it.
A
male
reader, jscottwill +, writes (11 September 2008):
Your issue is quite common. However, as you've already stated, she is forbidden fruit (married) which makes the temptation only that much more savory in the mind. Ask yourself the basic question of what is it that truly attracts you to this person and write it down. Think about your significant other and write about the things that initially attracted you to him/her as well as the current issues that are causing strife in your life. If there is no other person in your life, then get out and meet others at venues such as church or other gathering places depending upon what type of mate you're seeking. If you elect to pursue the relationship, fully understand the destructive influence that the action will have on the family as well as the moral ramification you'll inflict upon yourself. It's your actions that define you. Therefore, commit only after careful consideration and thought of the stakes but always maintain workplace ettiquette.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): How old is she? Does she have kids?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I am sort of in the same situation as the poster directly below me! I am the married one, although he too is in a relationship with someone! We dont technically 'work' together, I manage a store and the company he works for owns the building, so we interact on a level or work as he handles all our problems. I never really flirted with him or looked at him in a physical way as we are both in relationships until he came over to deal with a problem one day and told me that I smelled good! Before that ever happened, my relationship was already on the downhill slide, but as far as I am aware, his is not. Ever since that day, I have not been able to get him off my mind and even make up excuses to have him visit the building just to see him. I would never pursue this any farther than drooling over how hot he is out of respect for his relationship. My relationship is not a question as it is pretty much dead in the water, but I respect that he is already committed. If I ever found out he had broken up with his girlfriend, though....I wouldn't hesistate to take the next step!
So, I guess my advice to you, is just enjoy the flirting for now, don't interfere, and unless you want to end up as the 'other man' don't pursue this as anything more than harmless flirting. Now, if you find out she is single or is seriously unhappy in her current relationship, GO FOR IT....or if you happen to be the guy who mananges my building......ha ha!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): Wow, sounds kind of like my situation only I'm the married female and I have the hots for this sexy male coworker. He started it, talking sexy to me. I took the bait because I would so love to have a fling with him. I don't need complications, I don't need strings, just a little fun with this hotty. He won't be sorry if he just goes with it.
Afterwards, we can still be great friends and work just fine together. I just wish he would make a definite move!! He's driving me crazy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): Throughout your lifetime, you will meet many attractive females, single and involved. It makes no difference whether you are single or not; I suggest you resist the temptation to start some sort of affair with her. You will only be a temporary "FIX" for what she is not getting from her significant other. Her unfaithfullness will only cause you to question every female you care about from that point on. Just be her friend... AT WORK! Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I am going to give the same answer I just gave to another asker:
When you have a long term relationship your partner will also feel this way one a few occasions about other men. In all probability you will too, about other women you meet. You may even have children and a happy home life but feel a tremendous pull towards another and have to keep your feelings in control.
If I were you I would do nothing but enjoy it as it is. She may love her partner very much and still be attracted to you. If you do get to a stage of discussing together whether to go out or take things further, just tell her that you would not give it a second thought if she were free. That way you show her that you have high standards and it will impress her, put you in a very strong position and generate respect from everyone who picks up on the situation around you. If she does not persue, you will have your answer; that she may like you very much but he puts his relationship before you.
Although that would be a disappointment at least you would know there are women out there who can exercise restraint and it will actually make you feel more secure about yourself and the kind of woman you would like to find. It would be a kind of gift to yourself to see this quality and you could be grateful to her for showing it. If you try to flirt her away she may even succumb, but if she went back to his partner you would have to process a less palatable message, which is that women who even love their men may not be faithful. This will encourage you to feel insecure when you meet a woman who seems to really love you. You will always be wondering whether she could be tempted away by a fella in the office who was like you are being with her.
Discriminate and you will make yourself highly prized among women-kind, do the temping thing and you will provide yourself with a double-edged victory. These things are subtle but true.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 Well like you say she is married. Maybe it would be best if you could keep your distance as much as possible (both of you) and if you have to socialise make it as a group.
Maybe if you could focus on life away from work where you will meet other people and pursue other interests, after all i'm sure there are single women out there that would have the same effect on you and none of the baggage. Quite often people that are unavailable because of commitments are often attractive for that reason.Good luck. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): Why aren't you doing anything about it? Lots of people meet their partner at work. As long as you handled it with discretion and professionalism it can work. All you have to be aware of is that if it broke up you would still have to work together.... could this also work? Its so difficult to meet people when you spend all day in the office or wherever. You have to weigh up whether getting involved is worth the risk. Its good that you are thinking carefully and are concerned first without jumping straight in there. I met my current boyfriend at my place of work but he was in a completely different department and building so it was easier to keep work and private life separate although people did still gossip. If you work in the same team it can be more difficult.
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