A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently a young, free and single female. I work in a job where I am paired up with one person at a time for long periods, ie 6 moths or often longer at a time. I have always had good relationships with my colleagues but for the past four months I have worked with one particular guy who is great to work with.The strange thing is that this one is different, we don't just talk about work, we talk about other things and have great conversations and there is a clear sexual tension that our other colleauges have commented on.This would be great but he has a serious girlfriend and I don't want to do something silly and know that it can never happen. I want to know what I can do (Apart from not work with him - that is not a choice!!) to stop the feelings that I have towards him and keep our relationship strictly professional.Thanks for you help!
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female
reader, red1982 +, writes (28 December 2007):
I agree entirely with 'anonymous' I just wanted to add that if you had an affair with this man that your colleagues may lose their respect you for taking another woman's man. People always find out no matter how secretive you are. You say that you are young, free and single - could you not improve your social life outside of work and try to find a good man who is free to return your feelings. That should keep your mind off of this other man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): When you have a long term relationship your partner will also feel this way one a few occasions about other women. In all probability you will too, about other men you meet. You may even have children and a happy home life but feel a tremendous pull towards another and have to keep your feelings in control.
If I were you I would do nothing but enjoy it as it is. He may love his partner very much and still be attracted to you. If you do get to a stage of discussing together whether to go out or take things further, just tell him that you would not give it a second thought if he were free. That way you show him that you have high standards and it will impress him, put you in a very strong position and generate respect from everyone who picks up on the situation around you. If he does not persue, you will have your answer; that he may like you very much but he puts his relationship before you.
Although that would be a disappointment at least you would know there are men out there who can exercise restraint and it will actually make you feel more secure about yourself and the kind of man you would like to find. It would be a kind of gift to yourself to see this quality and you could be grateful to him for showing it. If you try to flirt him away he may even succumb, but if he went back to his partner you would have to process a less palatable message, which is that men who even love other women may not be faithful. This will encourage you to feel insecure when you meet a man who seems to really love you. You will always be wondering whether he could be tempted away by a girl in the office who was like you are being with him.
Discriminate and you will make yourself highly prized among men-kind, do the temptress thing and you will provide yourself with a double-edged victory. These things are subtle but true.
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