A
male
age
51-59,
*bill48
writes:I’m seeing a married woman should I give her more time or should I leave?I have known this gal for about 5-6 years she is married I’m not. I have had feelings for her since then, the past several years I have been in love with her. She is ten years older than me so say 40-50. We started being together about 8 months ago. I told her how I have felt shortly after we started. Everyone that knows both of us could and can also see how I fill. She has told me that she has talked a lot about me before we got together. We both even remember the first time we saw each other. When we first started she said that I should get a girlfriend so we would be even. She changed her tune when I said I would, she knows I a man that usually does what I say. Why would she want me to have a girlfriend? We both have two residences sometimes, she says it would be happier if she didn’t come around. The truth is I look for her even when I know she won’t be there. When we can’t be together we spend a lot of time on the phone, she lives several hundred miles away. We try to at least to see each other every 2-3 weeks. She loves the way I touch her in the littlest ways, I asked her sometime ago what she would keep about us if she could keep only one thing. She said the cuddling. She says she likes my natural smell when I hug her it drives her crazy. What is with that? She says she loves me but is also loves with him. Is it truly possible to be in love with two men at one time? She thinks that if she was single I wouldn’t want her anymore. Her analogy is that you want what you can’t have. Not true in my case I love and have loved her for years. Crazy but true. I have told her I will be there for her. I’m already there any time she calls rarely does need to leave a message. If she does I call her back within an hour or so. I know that she is worried about what her friends and family would think, her kids are grown and gone. She’s also worried about money. She’s not too bad with money where she is at but even there she worries about it. I have asked her if she loves me enough she said probably not. How can I get her to choose me?
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male
reader, mbill48 +, writes (22 January 2011):
mbill48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been seeing a married woman for about 8 months. I’m a single male. She decided to stay with her hubby. I do love this gal and have for years before this started. I love talking with her. We have weekend places very close to each other. This is the only place I would ever see her since we live in different towns.Before we got done talking on the phone, she asked if we would still talk as much, I didn’t say much but somewhere she got the Idea of once a week. She didn’t like that even though I never said it. She wants to talk more often. My questions are 1.What happens if we still talk all of the time? 2. Why would she still want to talk? 3. What do I do about the times we see each other without romance and how do I deal with dinners when her and hubby are around the common area with others having dinners as a group which in the past I was involved with? 4. She also still says she loves me, why and what is with that? The trouble is I still love her and for some crazy reason still want her. I'm trying to find away to put thing back to before we started seeing each other. The only other option is for me to sell my weekend place. I hope it doesn't get to that point a lot of people depend on me for help just to get by.
A
male
reader, mbill48 +, writes (4 January 2011):
mbill48 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of you input. I think I will give it a few more weeks then make myself not as easy to contact or find. Do you think she will chase me if so for how long? If it gets to that point I already told her no frienship. I think if I was her friend we would be back in the same place eventualy.Her reply was that if we aren't friends she won't have a reason to make a move or tell me if she ever does. How do I handle the situation when she and her husband are around? I think he will pick up on the fact that I’m not going to functions anymore if she stays with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): It doesn't sound as if she is going to leave him. You love her, but you have to learn to love yourself. While it is true that spending time with someone you love is never a waste of time... in this case... you may be wasting years of your life waiting for someone... something... that will never come. Years you will never get back. Years that could be spent building something really cool with someone who can love you back...
It is difficult always living on the edge... waiting for someone. Maybe she has already made up her mind... and this is it. What then?
I would feel that it would be wrong to bring a girlfriend into this sort of situation. If I were the girlfriend I would be brokenhearted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): maybe she just needs more time. Leaving a marriage is never easy especially if it's gone on for a long time. Some people takes years to gather up the strength and courage to leave their marriages.
it could be she'll leave her husband eventually but not any time soon. Since you don't know when that will happen, if at all, it's not healthy for you to hang around waiting for her indefinitely. You should move on. by hanging around you may be making it easier for her to keep being married because you're providing her the comfort she's lacking from her marriage but without her having to leave her marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Your cheating with this women, if she cheats on her husband with you, what makes you think that she will be faithful to you? Ya she may say she loves you, but she says that to her husband to. Look if she does choose you, she may be faithful to you for a year or two, but thats not going to last long, she may find someone else, and how do you know that she hasn't yet? You might not be the only guy that she is using. And if you still want to be with her after considering all the consequences than i suggest telling her that you love her but you can't keep helping her cheat on her husband, tell her she needs to choose you or her husband. As of the gf thing, the way you described it made it seem as if she didn't want you to get one after you said you would. And if you really like her you need to convince her that you like her enough not to leave her, and hope she likes you enough to choose you. ~Good Luck... i know its hard but you should let her go
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Unfortunately people who are married rarely leave their partners for the other person. It sounds like something is missing in her marriage and that rather than working that our with her husband she is using you to fill the gap.
You are spending a lot of time hanging around for her when you only see her every few weeks. It sounds like you need to have other things in your life and focus less on her. In fact, it would be better if you found someone else. It isn't fair on her husband.
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