A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear readers, I am stuck in an unusual situation. I am divorced with a 4 year old daughter, and my boyfriend of 4 months is divorced, no children. We live an hour apart but are very much in love, and he was asked for us to live together to save on travelling and so we can see each other more. We both pay $400 a week on our mortages, so we plan to rent our houses out and rent something together half way. The problem is - I will lose $260 a week in Tax Benefits (as a single parent) and will need to work an extra day a week to make it up. Once I am classed as a couple, I can never go back to this same benefit, as the legislation has changed this financial year. Also, the lovely school I booked my daughter into at birth is where I live, but that is too far for my partner to travel to work, so I have found a school in the new (halfway) area but it's not the same as the school I always wanted to send my daughter. I realise I am very lucky to have found a beautiful man who wants a future with me (us) as I do him, but I am so scared that it will be easy for him to get out of, as we will just be renting together, he's never lived with a 4 year old before, and I am giving up a lot to be with him. I am definitely not letting him go, but if he decides to dump me I'm left less financially, emotionally and won't be able to get another spot for my daughter in my preferred school. This probably seems a silly question but I can't sleep, I want to be with him so much but feel I am getting too 'complicated'. I am almost ready to suggest we live apart for a bit longer, but I'm afraid he will think I'm too much trouble. He doesn't have any kids. I'm sure my daughter will be happy at the new school too, but I'm just very scared. A couple of other single mums I know live in separate houses to their partners (close by though) so they can keep their benefits, but one is 40 and doesn't want more kids, and the other can't wait for her partner to propose! I want a real future and family with this man as I am still young, but the relationship is still new and I don't want to push it. And if we move, it needs to be by the end of this year so my daughter will be zoned into a good school area. Any advice? Thanks for reading...
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female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (8 July 2008):
 I would say date him for another year first. What is the rush to move in when you can lose everything?
Follow your head and not your heart in this matter.
Most relationships don't work out. You would be really mad at yourself if you gave up everything and you two broke up 6 months later.
Why doesn't he move closer to you and get a job near you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): hmmm. you are in a very difficult position. if it were me, i would go with my heart, but as you said, you have not been in this relationship very long and if it doesnt work out you could lose everything. i am from the US and i moved to australia to be with a man that i met over the internet. i left my family, sold my business, my car, my friends, my pets. everything. i had no children and all i left behind was debt. but if it didnt work out for me i would be really screwed in the end. you need to think of the worst scenario of what could happen and see if you are prepared to take that chance. cause if you are not, then maybe you should wait a while before making such a big decision. if this man really loves you then he will be willing to wait for you i would think. i hope a lot of people give you advice on this cause i know i am not much help. but think long and hard of all the consequences before making such a huge choice cause you are also making the choice for another person, being your 4 year old. i wish you luck
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