A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm scared by bf will hurt me if I tell him I cheated on him. He knows something's wrong as he's pretty perceptive to my emotions and he keeps asking me what's wrong, I feel so guilty I have to tell him I slept with a guy from work. But he can get really violent when he's angry, when we've had fights in the past (usually me trying to break up with him) he's hit me and smash up my posessions. His previous girlfriend got engaged to someone else when they were going out and when he found out he (allegedly) smashed her head against some metal railings (she called the police but they didn't have any evidence, and he swears to me he didn't do it). They'd only been going out for about 3 months, we've been together for a year and I know he loves me so much. If he did that to her, then what will he do to me???? What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Wow, he seems really dangerous. Dont tell him anthing. And the best thing for you to do is get away from him. Dont break up with him in person, you should probably do it over the phone so he doesnt try and hurt you. And if you need to, get a restraing order on him. Try to be safe.
Good Luck!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Don't tell him anything... You don't know what he might do.
This sounds like a really dangerous situation to be in. By situation I mean relationship.
You need to follow the advice of the other aunts and leave this abusive guy.
Good Luck. x
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Whoa, he is an abuser, pure and simple. A wife beater with a long history, against you and another woman.
The cheating, well that is bad of course, don't do that kind of thing but that is unrelated.
Even if this incident passes what is going to make him blow up next time? Do you think a life where you got to worry every moment what will piss him off next is worth living?
Now I almost certainly know the answer to the next question: Tell me, during your childhood, what was the relation between your caretakers?
A bad childhood is often a reason for people to willingly go into these kind of situations thinking that this is just the way things are.
It is NOT normal for one partner to hurt the other. Not mentally (by cheating) and not physically.
Get out of there and get your life in order. Ask yourself why you still went out with a guy like this and why you cheated. (His violence doesn't excuse your cheating and you got to wonder why you willingly provoke someone you know got a temper ) (note: I am not saying he has a right to hit her for this, but if you ride a tiger you don't kick it in the nuts)
I disagree with SJ ninety he is NOT a future wife-beater, he IS one right now. Oh and please, don't think you can cure him. You can't, no woman can and most certainly not one who can't keep her legs closed at work.
You ask what he will do? Don't know, but don't worry, the doctor can tell you afterwards. Or the coroner can tell your family. Maybe shock therapy will get you running.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Forget about the guy at work, that's not important at the moment, it's a secret between him, you and us.
I'm more concerned about that mad man who you call a "boyfriend". He smashes up the furniture and hits you when you try to leave him? What are you a dog, his possesion, his slave. You may love him, but what kind of man uses threats of violence to get a woman to stay with him. What happens if he goes to far and really hurts you one day. Look at his ex-girlfriend, he's a liar, 'cause his behaviour is such that we know he smashed her head in one day. Well what will he do with you. This is not normal, this man is sick, he is dangerous. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY THIS MAN IS A SICK FREAK AND ONE DAY HE WILL HURT YOU BADLY.
Contact the website Trish has given you and get some advice about how you can leave this man safely. Tell your parents, friends and family how scared you are. Tell them how dangerous this man is and how he has hit you and smashed up your furniture. This man is an abuser, he's got you so frightened, you too scared even to leave. Get support from those who love you, then will help you to move away. One day you will learn that men in love don't hit, this man is sick, he's dangerous, get away before he hurts you badly and puts you in hospital.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Hi, this sounds very dangerous for you, to be honest. Your flag identifies you as being in the UK. Here's a website and freephone number for you.
Womens Aid-The premier resource for domestic violence and sexual abuse against women and children in the UK. Got a massive range of support services from “safe refuges” for those most at risk to just plain old sound advice. Site is awesome but friendly and welcoming so not surprising some victims feel more reassured just visiting it.
www.womensaid.org.uk
0808 2000 247 (Freephone)
Do not put yourself at risk of physical injury. It doesn't matter what you have done, you do not deserve to be physically hurt.
Please call or visit the website to get some immediate support.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (18 June 2008):
 If you are truely scared of this man, then DONT tell him ANYTHING.
If he is threatening you when you try to break up with him then you need to just LEAVE.
Do you live with him? If you do, you have to plan how to leave him. First, figure out where you can go- a family or friends house. While he is gone, pack some of your clothes, some important things but dont worry about everything. Leave when he is GONE. Do not try to attempt to leave while he is there, it could get violent and make things worse. If he is there all the time, then make up some excuse like you are going to see your mother, sister, aunt, just be casual and leave everything behind.
After leaving, do NOT return. Contact the police, get a protection order and have the police escort you or have someone else to get your things.
If you do not live with him then get the protection order and cut all contact (no phone calls, no visits)
Be Safe and Take Care!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Vow, you have got yourself into a difficult situation.
Firstly, I suggest you keep quiet about the thing at work, or you might end in the morgue.
Secondly, get away from this abusive man as quick as possible.
You need to break it up, you have NO choice; you cannot stay in a relationship where you have to live in fear of violence.
I suggest just explain you want to be on your own, you do not want to be in a relationship, however, make sure you have somebody else with you when you relate this to him.
Once you have broken off the relationship, "lie low' for a while; don't go out much; keep yourself busy any other way.
Let him move on.
Should he get aggressive, you might have to call the police and lay charges, if need be even get an interdict agaisnt him.
BUT you have to get away.
Plan it carefully, be cautious.
Take care!
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Oh my god, hon, you have to get out of that relationship! I was in a similar one not too long ago and I got out by ending complete contact with him (let me tell you, that is really hard to do) and turning to my friends and family. It's destructive and you have to be secretive about something that could potentially put you in the hospital. Cheating IS wrong, but this man sounds 150% like a future wife-beater and you need to get out! Make sure you have moral support when it comes to your friends and family and get the police involved as soon as something life-threatening happens. Best of luck to you!
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