A
female
age
30-35,
*ah mouw
writes:Well for a while I've been hanging out with a friend (who I've liked for a while now...) he's been coming over for a while and we've been having a good time. A couple weeks ago something happened, and we ended up making out. It...was to say the least.. wonderful and we continued to hang out almost every weekend and just fool around...I never really thought of it as anything specific because I didn't want to assume anything would come out of it. But as time went on, I started to feel more and more attracted to him. Of course, I'm not going to stop in the midst of kissing him and just be out and say "OH! by the way, I like you!..." no, ...I'm not the kind of person to rush into stuff like that. I wanted to wait until I felt comfortable. The last time we fooled around, before he left my house he said "We should probably talk about this at some point" and I asked him if it was anything bad and he smiled and said no. So he left. For some reason we didn't really talk that much the following week, I texted him to say hello and happy birthday and just chat and he did the same.... I'm not the kind of person to obsess about talking to someone. So yeah, anyway, we were just doing our own thing. Well I text him the other day to see if he wanted to hang out, and he replies with a "maybe" and I said okay... and a couple minutes later he called me... we like to joke a lot and stuff, so we were just talking and laughing for a while. All of a sudden he gets really quiet... and I thought it was sort of weird... and then he suddenly says.. "I should probably go" and so I told him okay. He told me we needed to have a conversation... and I asked if it was bad. But this time he asked what my definition of bad was... and I instantly knew what he was going to say. he hung up and called back a little while later and I asked him what he had to tell me and he was hesitant at first but I told him to just say it. and he said "I think we should just be friends," and I said okay... and he continued with "without..benefits"... I told him I was okay with it... but I wasn't.. because I liked him and because I didn't want him to think I was just using him to get some ass... I didn't even know it was friends with benefits. Ugh, I'm sorry for typing all that I just wanted it to make sense. But anyway, I don't want him to think that I was just having him over because I wanted to hook up. I was having him over because I did actually like him and I really had a good time when I was with him. He was supposed to come over yesterday but he had SATs today so he couldn't. I don't really know what to do or say to him... I feel so weird now.. I'm scared I'm going to mess things up if I tell him I like him. But things need to be cleared up. Right? I'm confused... and sort of nervous... and I really don't know what to say to him. help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): You wont be able to just switch your feelings off and continue as just friends if you want more than he does. It sounds like things are already messed up so telling him wouldnt make much difference. He must have liked you at once point to end up having benefits in the first place unless he was just using you. It may be best to just steer clear of him for a while until you meet someone who deserves you
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Making out, always complicates things if one person doesnt know what it entails. He sounds like he has been experimenting on you and is out of his depth. Because when people are in a relationship there is responsibilites and making out with some one always means there is a relationship of some kind going on. He may now feel like he is tied you and is not ready for that kind of commitment. We all experiment when we are young and this can mean going from one person to another until we find what it is we feel comfortable with. He has already mentioned that he wants to go back to being just friends but unfortunately its not going to be as easy and simple as that because your feelings have changed. It is now up to you, can you carry on as before, I doubt it. He doesnt want to go any further, so you are both fighting a different battle. If you can put those feelings to one side and just be friends again he would be okay with that but im not sure you will find it easy. You have to accept what ever you get now because you are both in a different place. That is where your confusion is at now. hope this helps.
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