A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm about to lose my virginaty in a few days with my bf who i have been with for 1 year. Im so scared its going to hurt he tells me its going to be fine and it wont hurt and i know it will im so scared and when he fingers me im so tight he can get about 1 or 2 fingers in and he has a very big penis about 9 inchs long and 2 and half inchs wide we have done lots of other stuff but its going to hurt plz help i need some advice to make it feel better. plz help he need me too so bad he has been waiting ages im scared he wil go somewhere else !!! ??? thanks xxx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, AmanThatCares  +, writes (1 February 2011):
Im a 22 year old male virgin and I actually have this problem with women. My current gf is willing to wait for me as long as i am ready even though she has had plenty of experience, my advice is do NOT do it because of social pressure or because of his pressure, if you lose him because you wont put out then you are losing a pig, only men that dont wait for you to put out are pigs just like the women sluts that did it to me. Your virginaty is the most sacred and pure thing you will ever have in your life and it is not regainable. Do it with someone you are truly in love with and is truly in love with you, I am still trying to find that person but i hope you already have
A
male
reader, ownpool +, writes (5 May 2009):
If you are between 18 and 21, you're in the minority if you're still a virgin. If you really love this guy, you should give it to him as a special gift. It will hurt less if you lubricate him with aloe vera, which is a natural anesthetic. The lubrication will also make his entry of you less painful. It will help if you can relax in a hot bath first, and if you are of legal drinking age for you to have had a couple of drinks. The rear entry position is usually much easier and getting it done quickly will get the pain over faster. That's really the trick. After lots of foreplay, he should give one quick shove. Or, you can take control by riding him cowgirl style and easing youself down. The pain usually only lasts for a few minutes, especially if you achieve a climax.For safety, you should be using contraception and both of you should have had HIV and hepatitis negative test results.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Take the advice you have been given - it's all good stuff.
Take into consideration that if your boyfriend has been with you for a year, he should respect you enough to wait until you are ready.
Hell, I made my first wait /more/ than a year, so it really shouldn't be an issue. Sex is a perk of a relationship, not the whole of it.
It is fairly common for the first time to be a little bit difficult or a little bit painful, but it is /not/ as bad as you seem to think. Everyone is different - it might not even hurt at all.
But ultimately, if you aren't comefortable with it, then don't do it, because you will regret it in the long run.
And if your boyfriend is /so/ desperate for sex that he'd run off and bed someone else, then he obviously doesn't respect you enough for you to stay with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): never do ANYTHING that you dont feel totally comfortable about.
if you b/f really loves you then hewont care how mlong he has to wait.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): You need to feel comfortable. Do you feel your ready to have sex with your boyfriend, or are you doing it to keep him. Remember honey, that sex can't hold together a relationship that maybe already falling apart. You don't wanna be crying in a couple of months that you gave your virginity to some jerk.
If your ready, in love, follow the advice already given, cause I couldn't put it better myself. Penentration is the end of a slow build up to sex, think of it as the desset rather than the main course on a menu. If your not ready for sex and would rather wait, then tell him. You can still play around and pleasure each other in a thousand ways you may feel more comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, LittleMissInfo +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Hello,My first question is - why do you KNOW the date that you are going to lose your virginity? By doing this, you are surely putting pressure on yourself, by knowing when it will happen and therefore thinking about it all the time, and worrying.My tip to you is to make sure you are relaxed, and it is special to you. This is speaking from experience. A lot of my friends lost their virginity in a rush to get it over with and to lose their title of being a virgin. I do not recommend this, as they weren't ready for it, or even with the right person, and now regret it, and admit it hurt.When i lost my virginity, it didn't hurt at all. I believe that this is because i didn't know i was going to lose it, it just happened naturally, and i was 100% relaxed. I wasn't nervous or anxious at all, because it felt right, and like i was ready. By being like this, i wasnt constantly asking myself questions or panicing, it just happened - which ment that my body was relaxed, and it didn't hurt me.I suggest that you just take your time, and when the time comes you will know when it's right. Losing your virginity obviously means a lot to you, unlike some other people, and you shouldn't feel rushed or pressured into doing it. Take a step back, and just take it slowly.When you are with your boyfriend, and preferably doing things with him, and YOU feel like it is right and you want to have sex with him, get him to "play" with you for a bit, just to loosen you up. It may sound cringey, but it helps. Tell him to take it slow, and if it hurts you and you don't want to carry on, you can always tell him to stop. Don't be scared to say no to him - he will understand. If this does happen, don't be let it put you off trying again the next time you are ready. Just remember that everyone goes through this situation, and lots of people are nervous. But do it at a time that is right for you.LittleMissInfox
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (13 May 2008):
 Okay, several things here. First of all, you don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to. Do only what you're comfortable with. YOUR BODY YOUR RULES. You're worth the wait, and taking it slowly is worth it for both of you. If he's not willing to wait for you, he's not the kind of man you want to be with anyway.
Second, make sure you're safe. (Condoms, birth control, etc.)
Now, here's the easy part. ALL of us were beginners at one point, and some guys find that part really sexy. Don't pretend to know more than you know, and be willing to laugh at your own mistakes.
Rule of thumb: if it hurts, make him stop. If he says "ow" then you stop. Don't EVER continue if it doesn't feel good.
Keep the communication open. The best relationships are the ones where you can tell him EXACTLY what feels good, and he can do the same for you. DON'T expect him to read your mind, and don't let him expect that from you. You can always ask "how does this feel?" He should be asking you this too, unless it's beautifully obvious that you're enjoying yourself.
And make sure there is laughter during the process. Relax and play.
As for his size, make sure there's LOTs of foreplay (get used to insisting on it). When your body is really excited, it will self-lubricate, the vaginal walls will become more elastic, and all your internal "parts" will shift out of the way. When you're ready, it will be fun, regardless of his size.
This next part is important: MAKE HIM WAIT UNTIL YOUR BODY IS READY. If he starts and it hurts, make him stop and try again after more foreplay. Maybe use some external lubrication (some stuff warms and is nice, and you can get it in the grocery store in the U.S.) If he loves you, he'll do this. If he pushes in anyway or won't slow down, even if you've said "ouch," then he is NOT the guy for you. Take it slowly and enjoy!
This is a journey. Have fun at all the stops. Don't be in such a rush to get there, and don't let him rush to the finish line either. It'll happen. And you'll learn how to have fun along the way. Good luck hon.
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