A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear EverybodyI'm 14 and surrounded by people my age with boy/girlfriends. All the boys in my year group are perverted and simply 'use' these girls to feel them up etc which is highly inaporpriate and In my opinion, very rude!I am one of only few (sorry to sound up my own) in my year out of the lads that treat girls/ladies with respect. All the girls recognise and respect my characteristic etc, although I just didn't seem to get a girlfriend.I know you can't just fish for any old person, there are some people I'm greatly attracted to (both physically and as a personallity) but I never seem to get them, I'm very down to earth and not exactly shy.Any suggestions, please?Are these girls just immature and just like the attention?Regards
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear the last poster,lol cheers, I guess that's for you to decide? Do you have an account? If so, please post back with your acount ID (nick name) and I'll PM (private message you).Thanks!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): well, you seem like you have a great personality in treating girls like they are supppose to be treated like what others say............. are you attractive and good looking??
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (5 July 2007):
Yos thinks he will get in trouble, but speaking as a woman, I think he’s right. I don’t think it’s anything to do with ‘nowadays’ as the other poster suggested. I’m pretty ancient, and when I was at school, most of the girls fancied a small number of the ‘cocky’ boys. It’s almost like they have to pretend that they like the cool ones because everyone else does, and the most important thing is to fit in. Yos is also right in saying you shouldn’t try to be a bastard to compete. Maybe you will never attract loads of girls until you get a bit older, and are meeting girls with more sense. But some will like you, I didn’t like the cocky ones, and I wasn’t the only one by any means. In the mean time, I think the best thing you can do is be good company, have a laugh and a joke with the girls. If you like one in particular, just pay her a bit more attention than the rest, smile at her, and laugh at her jokes as well – very attractive thing to do! The main thing is, don’t try too hard to be cool or funny, because it shows, and it has the opposite effect. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007): Hi sweetheart,its really good to hear that someone is different to the usual types that are out there, of course, girls can be as bad, but not all girls want bad boys. You are young and you will meet a girl someday that will be good to you also. Those other boys are immature and obviously have not been brought up without respect, the same goes for those girls who want this just as much. I have friends and they are sick of boys like that and want someone that want more that just a quick touch up!! You are still very young, go out and enjoy yourself, live life to the full, its nice not to go along with the crowd and have your own individuality. The best of luck and dont worry, you will meet someone who deserves you in the future. Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 This answer may get me in trouble. But anyway here goes. Bear in mind I'm generalizing a great deal.
Women are attracted to several different traits in men. Broadly speaking these divide into one of two types:
1. 'Good genes'. This means: strong, handsome, rugged etc. This also tends to match with confident and outgoing. An 'alpha' male type. These guys have a tendency (but not always) to be 'bad boys'.
2. 'Good provider'. The other traits women are looking for are things like: nurturing, reliable, supportive, sensitivea man who will stick around to look after his kids (and gf / wife) basically.
These two are often not found in the same package. Since the first type of men have an easier time attracting women, they tend to hold on to them with less vigour. Likewise men with less of these traits tend to become better 'provider' types since they need to have something to offer to women. Another way of putting it is that good looking rich men can afford to be bastards and will still have beautiful girlfriends.
Incidentally this explains the most common female infidelity pattern, which is to settle down with a 'provider' but have an affair with a guy with 'good genes'. Best of both worlds.
It seems that when girls are young they are more attracted to the first type, and as they age (and become wiser!) they become more attracted to the second. This makes teenage years particularly harsh: but luckily things become more balanced when you become an adult.
I guess what I'm saying is you fit into the second type, by the sounds of it.
This is also made more complex because at your age, most people are very influenced by cultural stereotypes. Most of the guys are acting rude towards girls because they think its 'cool' and 'manly'. They've learned this off the TV and out of magazines etc. Lad culture. Likewise the girls are under a huge influence to be with the handsome / confident boys because they've been watching / reading stuff that reinforces this idea over and over. Our natural tendencies are amplified.
Bear in mind that the media's motivation for telling you this is very simple: to sell you more stuff. They've found that people insecure about their relationships and appearance make better customers, so that's why they do it. The script runs: 'you aren't pretty enough, buy this product and you'll be prettier and attract the handsome guy'. Likewise ads targeting men promise improved status and attractiveness to women. Think of all the money teenagers spend to 'be cool'. And then think who is benefiting? And then think who decided this stuff was cool in the first place?
Anyway, there is something you can do. One of the most attractive traits of the first type is 'confidence'. If you can appear more confident around girls then you'll do better with them. That's much easier said than done, but it is where you can focus if you want to change the situation. You certainly don't need to feel like you should act like a 'bastard'. That's not what the girls are being attracted to... they want someone who is confident and outgoing. Confidence is mostly about body language, how you move and hold yourself. You can try a few of these things:
- Fold your hands in front of you and keep them still when talking
- Hold eye contact a lot when talking to someone
- Smile more
- Move just a bit more slowly than you would normally. I don't mean walking, i mean things like turning your head, picking something up, etc.
- Spend more time listening, and don't interrupt. Someone confident of their opinion doesn't need to 'push' that opinion on others
- Don't be judgemental. Being judgemental comes from a place of insecurity (you want them to look bad so you look better). If you are confident then you're not worried about the competition
- You sound smart. This is very attractive to women! You want to show that you are confident that you are smart, but do it in a way that's not arrogant or condescending.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Lia +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Hi thereI must just say that it is awesome that you treat girls with respect! That is a rare find in dudes these days and girls STILL want find it attractive. You just gotta give it some time. See, some girls might find the bad/arrogant guys appealing but once they date them they will be disappointed - and will probably be cruising for Heartbreakville. Don't change who you are - continue to be the nice guy. There are many girls who want guys who treat them right. However, don't only concentrate on the fact that you're down-to-earth and nice - what else makes you interesting? When you approach girls, do you have an air of mystery or a good sense of humour? See, those things too are important ways to get a girl's attention. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 Hun, I dont know it seems like girls now a days dont want the good guys they like the ones who touch em and do all these things with them. But then cry when they get dumped. But just be yourself cause you still have time to get a girl the girls you are talking about sound like they arent ready to settle with one guy, and if you did get a chance with them you will probly be getting hurt so just wait and you will find the right one for you!
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A
male
reader, rk06 +, writes (5 July 2007):
 The first thing that I want to say to you is never ever change how you are. I have been in both circumstances. I used to treat women like objects, and yes, I got a lot of play... BUT, those girls arent worth it. When I began treating them the way they deserve to be treated, I ended up dating very respectable girls. So, stay the way you are. When you find a girl, she will be one worth your time.
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