A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really worried about my little sister. She's 13 and I'm 17 and we really don't get on very well. We used to argue alot but then we used to make up again but since my parents split up 2 years ago she has really got me worried.She hates me compleatly and whenever I try to talk to her she either ignores me or I end up saying somthing stupid that I feel really bad about later. We don't have arguments anymore because she just doesn't talk and I'm sure this isn't healthy.She's had more boyfriends than I can count but she hasn't told me or my mum about any of them I just find out through her friends and my friends etc. but what i'm worried about is that I think she may be making herself sick and self harming. She steals stuff from my room and then denies ever seeing it.I think she feels let down by my dad because he went behind our backs. we don't see him very often because he lives aborad and when we do it's quite uncomfortable.She has lots of friends and I'm pretty sure she confides in them but I wish she could trust me enough to talk to me. Is this selfish? and what can I do to help her out??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): I get on with my youngest sister like cat and dog because of the eight year age gap between us, and it is so hard to relate to her. But we can communicate - it's all about the approach to the conversation, and learning to let things slide.
"I know that you find yourself frustrated by me or resenting me. I do things that annoy you. I do this... and I .... And we argue a lot because you and I see things differently. But I want to understand your viewpoints. I don't want you to feel I just trample on your opinions. When I am upset and angry, it's because I feel low, not because I hate you..."
Other people's emotions are real barriers to talking. When your parents are angry, do you feel you can express yourself? When you have a petty squabble with your sister, do you feel you can share anything with her?
Maybe you could ask one of her friends to tell you what she says about you, so you know what bugs her. Friends as well as siblings are good gauges for a sister's mood, and if she opens up to them more than you, they can help.
Maybe she will ignore you. You can't "make" her sit down and talk. Why should she listen if you force her to do stuff? You could take her a favourite drink when she's moody in her room (don't give it to her, just put it on the side and leave it, she'll drink when you're gone). You could buy her a present when she seems sad or upset. Or offer to listen to anything she has to say.
Self-harming and bulimia are extremely difficult to open up to family members about. Eating disorders cause the sufferer to see things differently, so they don't believe they have a problem. Self-harmers wear long sleeves and jeans to cover up their extremities where they've been cutting themselves. If you're worried about that, you can check her room when she's out for scissors, knives or pins that she might be using to hurt herself. Or stockpiles of snack foods for binges, or evidence that she is being sick or taking laxatives. You could ask your mum to help you.
Maybe you could tell your little sister a story about how you were feeling depressed and cut yourself once because it made you feel better (doesn't have to be true, you just want her to identify that you understand the feelings that drive self-harm). And that then you felt bad and hit the cuts because you were afraid your parents might see.
Your sister may have a boatload of problems, but she has one thing in her favour - she's got you!
A
female
reader, kimblebee90 +, writes (29 April 2008):
 This is exactly my situation. and like the last reply suggested, I sat her down and talked to her and she really opened up because she new I cared. I had to bite my tongue and be nice despite some of the things that she said, but it all turned out well and we are the best of friends now.
Hope it goes well for you too
=]
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A
female
reader, sweetheart03  +, writes (29 April 2008):
Right her a letter since she won't listen or ignores you when you talk. Write a letter telling her you love her and express your thoughts. Give her a day if she says nothing back write another letter keep doing this until she opens up and she will. Don't get mad in these letters if she doesn't reply right away.....give her a week...but keep sending her letters she will feel you care and your not giving up. Tell her you want a sister bond and you want her in your life...family first and yall should make sure to stay close
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): sisters sometimes fight... but what i think you need to do is make her sit down and make her listen to you... tell her how you feel... exactly how you feel...thats all i can really advice... all i can say is try that and good luck ... hope it all goes well... xx
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