A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I recently got into a relationship with a guy I really like. We have terrible communication and it makes me angry. He always apologizes for that lack of good communication in our relationship. The thing is, we actually started talking alright the other day and he let slip that he isn't a virgin. (I am a virgin by the way). I know that this for most people doesn't matter but for me it really does. Its bothering me . . . It seriously is. Whenever my mind begins to wonder it always somehow ends on that ugly thought. I'm really trying to save myself for marriage and dating a non-virgin really bothers me because as much as I'm a back slidden christian, I really want to honor God by having no premarital sex (in all forms). I'd dated a non-virgin before (like 3 times) so I know that its not long before my bf starts asking for sex and this bothers me because for me a relationship isn't about the physical part of things, but its about communication for me and that's why I hate that our communication sucks. So I guess what I want to know is should I talk to my bf about my feelings? Even though he doesn't communicate well?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Should you talk to your boyfriend about your feelings?
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD.
just because he's not a virgin does not mean he won't respect your desires.... IF he can't respect them then he's not the proper boyfriend for you. And that's sad for you I know.
If you feel you can't communicate with him, do you hold out much hope for the relationship? How do you plan to continue a relationship with a man when you can't communicate with him? do you need help in figuring out how to communicate?
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Yep talk to him. No other way. N find out his sexual needs before u end it.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 February 2013):
 why get into a relationship with a non-virgin if you really want to settle down with a virgin? if it's that important to you and it bothers you that much, just make it a must for someone you're dating.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (19 February 2013):
I'm not really sure what to say because if he opened up to you that he was not a virgin and this is your reaction then it doesn't seem like this will last. Relationships only last because people work together to sort out their problems. I would say to find someone who fits your morals and standards, although I think in this day and age people are more diverse than ever.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 February 2013):
 If him being a non-virgin is something you can't cope with or that will bother you, you need to find someone within your religion who shares your view points. If you can't talk to your boyfriend about what's bothering you, it's not much of a relationship. Communication is everything and you have to try to talk to about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Well you can't OP. No communication = no relationship. Whether you want to keep banging your head against a wall and hoping things will get better is up to you but you're on completely different wave lengths to this guy.
OP why are you dating guys outside your religion?
You know from experience that sex always comes up and they end up wanting it. Because like it or not most of us see a relationship without sex as not being a relationship.
I have a devout Christian friend who is very similar in her ideals to you. It took her years before she figured out she has to date within her religion and to people who have the same views as her. She's had a few boyfriends, some said they could handle it and thought they could only to discover they couldn't, others said they could in the hopes that they could make her change her mind if she fell in love with them and others just straight out dumped her once they realized they wouldn't get sex.
You're not compatible with about 90% of guys who don't share your religious views and most are just not going to wait.
Basically your boyfriend is someone you can't talk to because you don't communicate well at all, he also doesn't share the same views as you, isn't saving himself for marriage and has already had sex. So why are you still with him? It's not fair on you to get into situations like this.
My friend has finally had enough of the heartache and dates now only within her religion and dates guys who are saving themselves too.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 It's always good to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. Otherwise, what's the point of being in a relationship if you can't do that?
It's important you make it clear to your boyfriends where you stand as you really want to be with someone who wants the same thing too.
One good place to find people like this is in church, so why not give it another try?
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