A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I really hate saying this fact about me but i'm gay and have accepted but I'd do anything to not feel like this but I can't turn back now. I've gone through the step of accepting myself for it now I always fantasise and occasionally dream about having a relationship with a man and I wake up and had a 'wet dream' and love fit guys but I've never had a gay crush before. anyway I'm really frightened of my next step which is 'Coming Out' people say websites always helps, but I can't I've accepted this from an early age and have no laptop to research on or a therapist I can see without my parents. i only have my iPod which I'm using now and the family computer in the centre of where my mum and dad sit so that's not a choice. anyway it's really hard going through this alone without a friend that can help me. I'm scared of coming out because this, Mum-Homaphobic, Dad-Slightly Homophobic, Older Sister-Has gay Friends, Middle child(girl)-Jokes about Gays. I'm comfortable telling my older sister but I don't want her to think I'm favoring her! HELP-R.V.
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male
reader, Libra +, writes (2 May 2010):
You need to be sure of your sexuality before you do anything. This may be a "crush" type situation that may pass. You may "discover" girls and women, or may be what is known as "bi-curious" or whatever. That you have to sort first.If you really are gay then don't live a lie. My son is gay and he hid it from us all from age 15 to 23!! He said he did not want to "spill the beans" as he thought I would throw him out. Hell he is my son!! I was surprised as I did not know, but I would never throw him out, (least not for that anyway). So basically dont worry over an imagined situation get yourself sorted first and then the right time will appear. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (2 May 2010):
 I went through this with my friend when I was in my final year at school. He was petrified of telling me because he thought that I would react badly. It took a lot to muster up the courage to tell me, but I tell you what, it made our relationship stronger and we still keep in contact even though we live in different countries.
Just because you are gay doesnt change who you are! Your mom may say she is homophobic, or have homophobic tendancies, and also your dad and one sister, but when the time comes to tell them, you may be pleasantly surprised. At the end of the day you are their flesh and blood and whether they accept it straight away or whether it takes time for them to accept it, you just have to understand that its going to be a big thing for them and they will need that time. Be patient with them when you tell them, dont expect too much too quick.
I remember the day my friend told his parents. His dad was a complete homophobe and he was gobsmacked to find his dad accepting his sexuality without hesitation. He was his son at the end of the day!
But, if you have accepted who you are, then why are you so scared to tell anyone that you are gay? You say you hate to say it. Why? If you have accepted yourself and your sexuality, you shouldnt give a monkeys what they think. You are who you are!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): You will know when it's the right time to tell them. Do it when you feel comfortable and ready. It is easier when your family know. My son is gay and told us a few years ago now, and I know he feels better that he doesn't have to hide things.
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A
female
reader, Sakuchanz  +, writes (2 May 2010):
If you're not at the age to support yourself if your parents get angry with you and even dis-own you (I have a friend who's parents did this) then I suggest telling the person you can feel comfortable telling. The older sister perhaps.
It's not about "favoring" someone, it's trying to get support when you need it.
If your parents are homo-phobic it's not a good idea to tell them as of now. Perhaps later down the line, indirectly try to convince them that it's wrong to be homo-phobic. You'll know when the time is right to come out.
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A
male
reader, josh667 +, writes (2 May 2010):
the thing that strikes me most about your question is the phrase I really hate saying this fact about me but i'm gay" it doesnt sound like you've accepted ypur sexuality at all. I pesonally think that you need discover how to accept your sexuality and like yourself for who you are first, before your worry about what others think. I know its hard(i am gay and struggled so much with coming out that i didn't till age 23) but learn who YOU are first, then cross that bridge when you come to it. Good Luck!!!
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