A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in my early 20s. I have been married for 2 years and a couple months now. My husband is in his 30s. He's a great man, but until now not a good husband. Our marriage before a couple of months ago was extremely hard on me. More than twice a week he'd go out with his friends and get drunk until (not exaggerating) 6am. Sometimes later. During these nights, my phone calls would go unanswered and I'd be going through panic attacks. It was especially rough for me when we first got married I was only 18. Anyways, in this last year I decided I wasn't going to spend anymore of my life with him. Until, I really left and he told me he'd change. He's had some slip ups, more than once since then, and I have actually found out he was doing drugs this whole time. He's been sober for 2 months now, I am so in love with this man but I still want to leave. I see him really trying to make an effort, but I just can't stop fighting with him over what he use to do. There is so much more to the story that I wish I could say, but I won't. And from this I hope someone can help me figure out what to do. I have no money for a divorce. We actually live separately but still see each other everyday. I love his family. I'm also very young and beautiful, I had been ready since the day I said i do, to be a good wife and say goodbye to all my high school friends, but he didn't stay home for me. I am going to school and I'll have my degree next year. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I don't know if I can do this. Even if he's really changing, I think I'd still blame him for how broken I've become. -any advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): Please look up Al-anon meetings in your area. They can provide you with support through this difficult time. Al-anon helps provide emotional support for spouses and families of alcoholics.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 If you truly love him, then don't leave. Have you tried couples counciling? Some health insurances will cover all or a portion of the cost. My coworker left her husband and they ended up going to counciling and she said it really helped them. Their situation is not yours but it still might help you two.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): I completely agree with The Old Man, your husband is depressed. Don't leave him when he's down. Take him along with you to AA. Try and get him to see a counselor. Look for sermons online about restoring a broken marriage. Please go to church as a couple. There is hope for change for him and you. Learn to work on yourself first of all and keep your faith and love alive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to The Old Man, I am going to try, but I don't really have a lot of support. No one in my family likes him, he has a history with the women in my family.I don't like to think about it, but they also all believe I was too young to get married too.
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A
female
reader, lucy14 +, writes (21 September 2011):
It's really up to you. You're still young, and considering drugs and alcohol were involved in you marriage there has to be much more to the whole story. If you feel hurt and damaged by him then get some help, fix yourself. If you can't do that with him then get a divorce. He's trying obviously. But if you don't think it will change the situation then don't stick around and waste more time of your life. Considering he's been partying this whole time, i could understand sitting around at home feeling hopeless and unimportant. Him being probably 10 years or more older than you and leaving you at home like that everyday is pretty sad and mostly pathetic on his part. I'm sure you're beautiful, if you get a divorce you can always start over. But are you willing to cut this man you love deeply out of your life?That's going to be the hard part. I hope your future turns out the way you want it to:)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 September 2011):
 YOU cannot blame HIM for how broken you are.
sorry you have to own your own issues.
He's sober and clean for two months... that's GREAT tell him some STRANGER is very proud of him.... it's hard to do.
I love an addict. IT's VERY HARD. I can't fix HIM I can only fix ME....
do you go to Al-anon meetings? I hear they can help.
why did you feel you had to give up all your high school friends to marry him? that seems excessive...
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