A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have become friends with a 37yr old guy over the past ten months (i am a 33yr old single mum with a 4yr old son).We met on an internet dating site and he initiated the contact at first with a nice email. We continued converstaion for several weeks before deciding to meet. Let me add i was upfront about having a son and i'd posted recent pics of myself (i am overweight by 3 stone but still look reasonably attractive) as did he (he is quite attractive).We met first in June last yr and the date was a 2 and a half hour coffee date that went well, or so i thought. We shook hands at the end (i thought that strange but he is a polite sort of person) and he texted he had a lovely time, i asked did he want to meet again (as i hadn't much luck with dating before i thought 'why not' as i enjoyed his company and was not bothered either way) but he said he'd like to remain friends. My question is this: For 10 months we have done moonlight walks, long coffees + chats, watched films in my house etc. I have gotten to really like him the more i see him. We spent Christmas Eve in my house. (he was alone as he was going to Germany after St. Stephens' Day).We have an awful lot in common (studied similar degrees, in simlar area of work, like same types of films etc.) and get on great. I think we are flirting (from previous expeience we are!) and he sometimes looks at me a little longer than need be. I made it clear i wanted more than just be friends around Christmas by texts, but he hasn't made a move or replied in the negative either, which i clearly asked for when i said be honest. He said nothing in reply, yet he lives an hour away, drives to see me if i cannot get a sitter to meet up, asks thoughtful questions about my son, and things happening in my life etc. I just discovered he has several other female friends, lived in a flatshare with one, worked with another and he calls over to see them some weekends too. He sometimes initiates texts to ask would i like to meet up when he hasn't heard from me in a while. What is his story? Does he just want another female friend? Do some men want to be 'just friends' this way - yet flirt with a girl when they meet up? Maybe is he shy? Was i not direct enough and should i make a move or what as i am afraid he will reject me? Other guys say i am pretty and i have had other interest from online dates, but i don't want to meet any of them as my dating time is limited. He is a good male friend, all my female ones are in relationships and busy, and my best male friend already moved to the US. I don't know what to do as i feel like i might blurt out something the next time i see him, as my feelings are becoming so strong!Help...!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): hi its me again, thank you both for your insight.i have only heard from him twice since but he had intended on dropping back a dvd and book i loaned him tomorrow.however,i am heading out with my girlfriends to a jazz gig, one of the girls is newly single so i will try to forget about him and enjoy a nite out.maybe i will even meet some nice man and have a chat for a change! (i have only sitters for a limited time,usually for a Doctors appointment/hair appointment in the daytime and a dinner party with couple friends/wedding at nite) as i haven't gone for a drink since october i am very much hoping that this will distract me.its easy to start to focus on a male friend in your house every second weekend on fri/sat nites when you sit in nearly every evening staring at the 4 walls.....i will try the internet dating once more.thanks.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Well, I think he is your friend at this time and I'm not sure if he is interested in more or if there is a story behind his shyness. Has he ever been with a woman before do you know? Has he ever been in a serious relationship? Perhaps he simply doesn't know what to do, could that be it?
If he has been with a woman or in a serious relationship then I think he sees you as a friend. To avoid blurting out something you might regret try having a heart to heart talk about the future of your relationship. I think if he is a good friend that maybe it would be ok to have him as just a friend if that is all he wants but at least you should know where this is going so you can seek other options.
Let us know how it goes.
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