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I'm really excited about this new guy, but suddenly he seems distant

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 November 2009)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

I broke up with my ex back in March and we havent been on speaking terms at all for the last couple months (we decided that we cant be friends right now because it would always be more, and he had a new gf) he broke my heart but i am over it now...

I am a confident person, I can say im attractive, have a good job, and I have a fun and humble personality and have always had plenty of guys who like me and try to establish relationships but no has really interested me in a long time. I've felt like i'll be alone for ever at times since my break up...

Until...couple months ago I met this guy who I really like. He asked me for my # and we have been texting back and forth --The night we met, I found out he knows my ex but ive never met him through him so i figured they cant be that close. Also if he had a big problem with that he wouldve never asked my # and to go on a date right?

The new guy and I never talked about the ex, just said I dated him and that was it. I really began to have a huge crush on this new guy... but we have only been texting and only saw each other once since we met. I thought we had a cute and fun connection and an attraction...and thought maybe we were just too busy and not in place to start an actual relationship(he mentiontion he got out of a relationship not that long ago) so we've been only flirting through texts.

Last few day he has been distant and kind of not giving me as much attention. Now I dont know if he feels weird that he knows my ex or if my ex said something and I just dont know why he has been acting more distant. He has ignored me since saturday and it is just not like him. He is always the first to initiate contact, and i thought if i do it will show him im interested and he only replied with closed replies and said sorry that he was busy at the moment and i havent heard from him since.

I dont want to bring anything up because we are not really dating we are just getting to know each other --but i was really excited and now i dont know what his deal is. How can i find out whats going on without being psycho or questioning him why he is acting more distant? Maybe he just lost interest, but its just hard for me to believe that for some reason because we had a fun little friendship that we started to develop..

How can I find out if he heard something or was told not to talk to me, or find out the reason he is being this way without directly asking? Should i just forget about it, and obviously if he cared he would put more effort to talk to me and to see me. I was just really excited about this new guy and dont want us to stop talking:( pls give me some advice!!!

View related questions: broke up, crush, flirt, my ex, text

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (11 November 2009):

Stayc63088 agony aunt*Meant to be ISN'T flaky* typos...

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (11 November 2009):

Stayc63088 agony auntHonestly the reason he isn't talking back to you doesn't matter all that much. If he cared about you he wouldn't be ignoring you. If he cared or thought you were worth the effort and someone said something to him about you, he would've confronted you on it. I don't mean to sound harsh, it just comes across like he had a fun time texting and now maybe has met someone else or is just over it. Just leave him be and if he texts, so be it. But don't go around asking why he isn't talking anymore because chances are he didn't see it as seriously as you did. Smothering him will just push him away, give him space and if it is meant to be then it will. Continuing to text will hurt you more than anything. I hope you meet a good guy who is flaky or ignores you. I'm looking for one too. Good luck.

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (11 November 2009):

I know EXACTLY what you mean, but for now just leave him alone. Don't try contacting him or anything for now because then he'll just feel bombarded if you start asking him questions as to why he's not being so attentive. Let him come to you and hopefully you two will go out again and maybe you can bring it up then. I think it's just an issue that would be much better dealt with face-to-face rather than through text or a phone conversation.

However, I don't mean to make you feel bad, but I think if he liked you enough, regardless of what your ex said, he'd still like you anyway. BUT that's just my opinion. Unless of course your ex said that you're a nympho maniac axe murderer, then that might be something you'd want to defend yourself about.

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