A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have myself a very loving boyfriend, we are each others rock, and best friends, enjoy food, and home life, and hobbies together, we help each other to work through any stresses and fully support each other as much as possible in all we do. It is heaven. We used to have a very strong sexual attraction, we had a break for a few months after our first year of dating. (now 5 years) he broke my trust for him, and it took a long time to build it back. But we did because we wanted to.We have all the above, but the sexual attraction has never gotten back to the same intensity. I can't tell if that is just what happens when you live together, or just work has gotten more stressful, or just a side affect of using the contraceptive pill for prolonged time.I recently connected with an old intimate friend, i used the word intimate, because we met when around 10 years ago, have always just been bizarrely and immensely intrigued by each other, and shared some very intimate moments together, but never had sex, or even dated. Our attraction to each other was off the charts when we used to be flirty with each other. We lived too far from each other, and neither of us made the effort to give us a go, it likely would not have worked back then either. But we know deep details about each other, and our values, we can literally talk for days on end. But now, whenever we do randomly connect and say hi, were both so emotional and intense with each other. our attraction is out of this world. If i was single i think we'd both jump at the chance to see what we could have. but thats very hypothetical. I'm devoted to my boyfriend, and would never want to hurt him and couldn't imagine him not in my life. This other guy is single, and its like i almost feel his heartbreak every time we connect and let him know I'm happy and with my bf.I probably sound crazy, but i can't understand why i feel so affected by it. I feel like I've left a soul mate stranded or something. Does Anyone know why or what that is? or felt something similar? how did you handle it?I know its dangerous ground, and i can't help who i am attracted to, and would not risk meeting up with him.The connections are now only very rare, like every 3 years, but its like we need to check in and see if the other is happy. then its like we know we need to unconnect and move on again and feels so heart wrenching.Although we have ended up in a similar line of business, and he thinks we'd make formidable business partners, he now spends time in my city, London, working. But at the same time, probably knows it'd never happen.
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a break, best friend, flirt, move on, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2016): Thank you both :-)
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2016):
 Generally a relationship comes out off the honey moon period and life gets in the way. Both people become comfortable in home life and sex can sometimes take a hit. So concentrate on doing something about that. Make more time for intimacy. Try new things, have more date nights ect.
As for this other guy, yes we will still find people attractive even if we are in a relationship. However when you know the attraction is so strong you should stop all contact. Block social media, email and phone numbers. You are playing with fire and it is best to put that flame out forever. Remember it is only a sexual attraction. A meaningful relationship would win every time for me.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 November 2016):
 Being in a relationship does not automatically make us immune to attraction to other people. However, what we do about this attraction is what defines our morality.
I think you should be concerned more about your lack of sexual intimacy with your boyfriend. If you could get your physical intimacy back on track, you might feel less of a pull to this other friend.
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